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Break Up Advice...

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-Mystery-

IF-Veteran Member

-Mystery-

BollyCurry Buzzers

Joined: 31 August 2007

Posts: 20130

Posted: 20 November 2009 at 1:21pm | IP Logged
Break ups are never fun to talk about, it's a devastating time period for some people.

However, they do happen.  We do find at times that we are probably not made for each other.  At that time it's better to call off the relationship as soon as possible before either of you get even more involved with it.  It hurts anyway and sometimes it's better to seek some advice on it too.

So here's an advice.... I hope no one gets to a break up and your relationships are healthy and loving, but if it ever gets to that point, you've got help.

Break Up Advice

We all agree it is compassionate to avoid hurting people's feelings whenever possible. The "whenever possible" clause creates some confusion when ending a relationship, however. This is an inherently painful time for one or both parties. Many tactics have been used, when breaking up with someone, to attempt sidestepping this inevitable truth. They all fail. Worse yet, avoidance of the plain, honest truth causes more misery then is necessary in these situations. Therefore, avoid being evasive or vague. Be direct while taking responsibility for what you want.

There are no strict rules about how to end a relationship. However, a few tips can help when breaking up with someone.

  • Don't be evasive, unclear or vague. Be direct and to the point. This is not an enjoyable matter for either of you. Giving false hope or making your partner guess at what you want prolongs everyone's misery.
  • Do not break up in stages. You may think this will make the loss easier. Don't fall for it. This only serves to administer low, medium and high doses of pain over a longer interval.
  • Don't lie or invent a story. Things will not add up and the falsehood will be found out sooner or later - usually sooner. Getting over a break up is hard enough without introducing mistrust. Making someone piece together bits of information while leaving him/her to guess what is true causes unnecessary pain.
  • Don't blame someone or something else for your choices. Identifying and asking for what you want is an important developmental step and is necessary for mature relationships. Also, hiding behind excuses is pretty transparent. It is likely the other person will see what you are doing. Conversely, if he/she actually believes your excuse, the person will try and problem solve how to remove whatever relationship obstacle you've fabricated.
  • Don't delay ending a relationship. Once you know you want to break up with someone, it does not help if you deny what you feel. Your partner will sense a change, perhaps reaching out for reassurance. This may feel like "neediness" to you which will increase your feelings of being stuck.

Courtesy: relationship.lifetips

-Mahi


Edited by -Mystery- - 20 November 2009 at 1:22pm

The following 34 member(s) liked the above post:

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dream

IF-Dazzler

dream

Joined: 18 February 2005

Posts: 3334

Posted: 22 November 2009 at 7:43am | IP Logged
Though i hate this break up thing...but true ppl do brak up..n itz better to be straight forward rather than giving lame excses.
anyways nice topic Mahi!!

cool_yv

IF-Dazzler

cool_yv

Joined: 26 April 2009

Posts: 3193

Posted: 23 November 2009 at 4:15am | IP Logged
Yup...I cried non stop after my break up...For months...I was just 16 then....Unhappy

aish_punk

IF-Sizzlerz

aish_punk

Joined: 11 January 2008

Posts: 20622

Posted: 04 December 2009 at 9:38pm | IP Logged
aww thats nice advice
 
i think that a break up is bound to happen if a relationship does'nt work..and that happens often..but you can always end it on a good note..and being frndz is  a great idea post the awkwardness..n it wont stay for a lot of time..
 
 

Perfangel5655

IF-Sizzlerz

Perfangel5655

Joined: 25 January 2008

Posts: 11705

Posted: 05 December 2009 at 4:24pm | IP Logged

I HATEEE breakups. I never know what to say...Confused Before I broke up with my ex I went to all the breakup sites to get advice. I dreaded the whole day. I was even nicer to him extra on that days because I knew I wanted to break up.WRONG IDEA!! Because when he asked what's up, why I was so sweet that day it killed my heart.Cry

It left such a impression on me I no longer want to get into a relationship

Bubbly_Shelly

IF-Sizzlerz

Bubbly_Shelly

Joined: 29 September 2006

Posts: 13569

Posted: 05 December 2009 at 10:24pm | IP Logged
Breaking up is hard. If you're going to break up with someone, don't be all sweet/supportive to them before you do it, this will only make them think what went wrong? What suddenly made you want to break up with them?

Also, it's important like said above that you don't delay ending a relationship once you know want to.

love_vs_hate

Goldie

love_vs_hate

Joined: 28 February 2009

Posts: 1435

Posted: 07 December 2009 at 3:19am | IP Logged
C00L topic Maahi ...

Arushi.

IF-Rockerz

Arushi.

Joined: 13 June 2007

Posts: 8032

Posted: 08 December 2009 at 1:10pm | IP Logged
well thanks there..
but i am having my dose of break up pain and nothing seems to ease the pain.. i guess time will heal and well i know time will heal
but the funny part is that when these advices and words need to  be applied in practical life.. it just doesnt happen..
nice topic though

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