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Once Lost, Never Regained - one shot

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indigal07

Goldie

indigal07

Joined: 19 May 2007

Posts: 2413

Posted: 14 November 2009 at 9:17pm | IP Logged

Once Lost, Never Regained

I straightened up the small child-like armchair and slapped its faded yellow and brown striped fabric to remove the dust. I heard footsteps near the door of the narrow entrance to this small plain space. I didn't have to look to know who it was. It didn't matter to me anymore. I stood up straight and turned around. He walked closer until he was just inches from me, standing at my side. Our proximity did not matter anymore either. I met his steady gaze and gave him a small fake smile. His set lips did not part, his expression did not alter.

Feeling the need to look elsewhere, I looked down at my sandals, noticed the dirt and proceeded to brush it off. As I bent down and touched the warm white leather strap I heard his voice, devoid of the allure it once held yet with a sweet melody full of yearning that I detected for the first time.

"Sometimes I sit in the evenings and think, do you even think about me anymore… or not because of the way I made you feel. You don't talk about it."

My body went rigid in response to his words. My heart, or what was left of it, dived into my stomach and allowed itself to drown as a rush of immense sadness overtook my shocked and unexpecting frame. My stomach roiled in desolation joined with my jagged heart and sent waves of nausea up my hollow chest and moist throat. I could feel the weight of his previous rejection pulling me down into the darkness of depression and loneliness again. Swallowing this, all of this, this pain so excessive in its weight, the tears prepared to extricate, I answered as neutrally as I could,

"What is there to talk about?"

As I uttered this lie, my body relaxed and straightened up to see his dejected expression. All I could see was that his prepared stance was now morose, for which I couldn't bring myself to feel even if I wanted to. This is the way it was going to be. This is what he had made me. An unfeeling, undesiring stone on a dry shore, touched by the waves of desolation at rare times as these, yet otherwise just dry.

*******************************************************************************************
Please leave your honest comments. I know its very short and does not include a background story...but there is one. This is just a dream I had based on real emotions and I want to know if the emotions I was trying to capture here are apparent.....

The following 4 member(s) liked the above post:

_.serendipity._..KaJenDelena..Girl_2007dazzling_armaan

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_.serendipity._

Senior Member

_.serendipity._

Joined: 14 October 2009

Posts: 231

Posted: 14 November 2009 at 11:41pm | IP Logged
 
YES!! You posted, you posted!! DancingPartyDancing
 
And in all objectivity and fairness, it's an amazing piece of writing!! The words you use, the detail in the descriptions, the style..it's all astoundingly outstanding.. Seriously, WOW!! Big smile
 
The best part is that the piece stands by itself. You don't seem to need a clearly stated background story. Just the intensity of the emotions portrayed, and the powerful evocativeness of the descriptions, are enough to make it so, so beautiful Big smileYou have managed to capture the emotions so well. It's virtually impossible to put such things in words, but you have done it brilliiantly. Paragraph 4 is the best. It's so awesome I don't want to comment about it and mar its beauty. 
 
One would think, that in so short a piece of writing, one wouldn't really be able to engage fully. But your story proves that wrong. Because I felt so deeply for the characters - both of them. Really, I was extremely moved.  Because of the way you described everything so diligently and eloquently, I was able to totally see myself in the scene, in their shoes. The feeling remained even after I had finished reading..
 
It may be short but it's so powerful. Every word seems perfectly placed. It's..whoa! I am at a lost words. I seem to have used up all of my limited vocab already LOL 
 
But yeah, well done! Really, really good work!! Clap Whatever you do, don't stop writing .. and posting!! Big smile
 
 
 


Edited by _.serendipity._ - 14 November 2009 at 11:52pm

indigal07

Goldie

indigal07

Joined: 19 May 2007

Posts: 2413

Posted: 15 November 2009 at 7:15pm | IP Logged

Awwwwwwww thank you sooooooooooo much!!! You are truly very encouraging!Big smileBig smile

I'm very glad that the story can stand by itself. I've felt that many people haven't been able to connect with it, but I'm glad you can understand it. This was actually a dream I had based on my own experience and the emotions were so real...I felt like I was going through the rejection state all over again just by the mere memory of it!  So that was a very intense dream and I knew I had to somehow take that out of my system and what better way to keep a record of it than by writing?Smile

Thank you so much! Big smileBig smileI feel like writing more now but I have so much work to do for school, I'm afraid I won't be able to write for a while until my finals are finished in December. Till then I won't even be too active. But we can keep in touch nevertheless and you can keep me updated on your amazing writing!Big smile



Edited by indigal07 - 15 November 2009 at 7:16pm

aish_punk

IF-Sizzlerz

aish_punk

Joined: 11 January 2008

Posts: 20622

Posted: 19 November 2009 at 4:39am | IP Logged
hey ..nice one shot..
 
Rejection is smtn hard to face for sure!
 
n wow it was ur dream?..thats sweet.
 
-aish

Girl_2007

IF-Rockerz

Girl_2007

Joined: 25 November 2007

Posts: 5755

Posted: 29 December 2009 at 4:14am | IP Logged

Aw well I think it does reflect everything u wanted to write. SmileClap well done. And still, the title complements the text so, nice choice of words too. I like the poetic shades in this shot, such as

"An unfeeling, undesiring stone on a dry shore, touched by the waves of desolation at rare times as these, yet otherwise just dry."
 
It's beautiful, do write more things please.
Besides, it's not only the description that the narrator does in this text, it's also what the characters feel, how they talk wid each other, and how they talk inside.
 
Btw, u just left us wondering how this scene wud end, i mean, will he do somethin?.. will he reply her?
But it doesn't mind, coz one feels satisfied after reading this, anyway. Smile
 

indigal07

Goldie

indigal07

Joined: 19 May 2007

Posts: 2413

Posted: 30 December 2009 at 12:16am | IP Logged
Originally posted by aish_punk

hey ..nice one shot..
 
Rejection is smtn hard to face for sure!
 
n wow it was ur dream?..thats sweet.
 
-aish
 
Thank you so much for commentingBig smile

indigal07

Goldie

indigal07

Joined: 19 May 2007

Posts: 2413

Posted: 30 December 2009 at 12:25am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Girl_2007

Aw well I think it does reflect everything u wanted to write. SmileClap well done. And still, the title complements the text so, nice choice of words too. I like the poetic shades in this shot, such as

"An unfeeling, undesiring stone on a dry shore, touched by the waves of desolation at rare times as these, yet otherwise just dry."
 
It's beautiful, do write more things please.
Besides, it's not only the description that the narrator does in this text, it's also what the characters feel, how they talk wid each other, and how they talk inside.
 
Btw, u just left us wondering how this scene wud end, i mean, will he do somethin?.. will he reply her?
But it doesn't mind, coz one feels satisfied after reading this, anyway. Smile
 
 
Thank you so much for your comment and for liking this.  I'm very glad that the emotions I was trying to convey came across. 
To answer your questions (which I am very pleased that you askedSmile) No, sadly he will not reply to her or do anything. He will drop it, just like she has, or as she tries to show on the outside. He is not a very smart guy that he can tell what she feels like on the inside. To him, the girl is just bitter towards him because he rejected her in the past and she just wants to move on. Though this may be partly true for the girl, it is not the full story, which he will never comprehend, the fact that she still loves him and that she is trying so hard to move on, revisiting her past by answering his questions will only make it harder for her to move forth with her life.

Girl_2007

IF-Rockerz

Girl_2007

Joined: 25 November 2007

Posts: 5755

Posted: 30 December 2009 at 9:17am | IP Logged
Originally posted by indigal07

Originally posted by Girl_2007

Aw well I think it does reflect everything u wanted to write. SmileClap well done. And still, the title complements the text so, nice choice of words too. I like the poetic shades in this shot, such as

"An unfeeling, undesiring stone on a dry shore, touched by the waves of desolation at rare times as these, yet otherwise just dry."
 
It's beautiful, do write more things please.
Besides, it's not only the description that the narrator does in this text, it's also what the characters feel, how they talk wid each other, and how they talk inside.
 
Btw, u just left us wondering how this scene wud end, i mean, will he do somethin?.. will he reply her?
But it doesn't mind, coz one feels satisfied after reading this, anyway. Smile
 
 
Thank you so much for your comment and for liking this.  I'm very glad that the emotions I was trying to convey came across. 
To answer your questions (which I am very pleased that you askedSmile) No, sadly he will not reply to her or do anything. He will drop it, just like she has, or as she tries to show on the outside. He is not a very smart guy that he can tell what she feels like on the inside. To him, the girl is just bitter towards him because he rejected her in the past and she just wants to move on. Though this may be partly true for the girl, it is not the full story, which he will never comprehend, the fact that she still loves him and that she is trying so hard to move on, revisiting her past by answering his questions will only make it harder for her to move forth with her life.
 
That's such a beautiful tragedy..
Yes, sometimes ppl just react too fast, widout thinking deep about it, and it turns to be a worse consequence than expected.
 

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