Posted: 11 November 2009 at 3:27pm
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His thoughts/ Her thoughts
I think I saw her in a party some years back. She was a pretty girl, but seemed very reserved. As long as we work well together, nothing else matters, I had thought rather naively! Well, it dint matter then, its been a year now..it matters, lord knows it matters to me now. She has been my co-star and friend for more than a year now and I still cant figure out her feelings for me. The feelings -that I hope exists- hidden deep in her heart. I call her my mysterious lady for there's never been an enigma like her in my life! We were introduced to each other in the inital phases of casting, then, I just thought she had become more beautiful since the time I last saw her. She was courteous and friendly willing to discuss the characters we were to play in great detail. She seemed to have great understanding of her character, which incidently had looked pretty one-dimensional to me when I first read the story idea, that of a filmy small town girl with dreams of meeting her prince charming - nothing new. My character, on the contrary was very freshly conceptualised, academically inclined lad with a cool dude attitude. I digress, coming back to what I was saying, I think I was first floored by the sincerity with which she approached her role. She made notes on character quirks, mannerisms and body language that she thought suited the role. she compared notes with me to contrast it with the quirks of my role. I was not impressed, I was mega-impressed. I sort of started admiring her after my first few interactions. I have worked with actresses before and they can vouch for it that nothing on earth can stop me from flirting. Harmless casual flirting is how my day passes by, with her all my years spent in perfecting the art of casual flirting went down the drain. She was the only one who could get me toungue tied. It was not like, we never became friends, infact we became great friends, we had scenes which required huge amount of comfort level as co-stars to make it look believable. I sometimes think its only because of the need to be perfect in her work that she brought down her defences a little and became friends with me. Not that she was not a sweet person, she was infact the sweetest girl that I ever met. She was the most kind-hearted and the most sensitive girl I had known. She was also equally ambitious and hard-working. Day by day, little by little I lost my heart to her. As we became friends, I got more comfortable around her, I unleashed my brand of charm on her, got away with teasing her and doing a mild flirting routine as well. She would laugh it off, always, without fail. I would sing the most romantic songs for her, sometimes in front of the camera as well, she would simply blush and laugh it off. Sometimes,I took it lightly, at other times, it irked me. No matter how I reacted, she never let slip how she really felt. Oh, dont think that we never talked, we talked all the time, we discussed a lot of things, we knew a lot about each other. I just dint know what I wanted to know the most and I never succeeded in getting to know what she felt. Well, if she dint like me at all, it would have been easier. Maybe not easier, but atleast I would know for sure how she felt about me. I knew one thing though, she was not immune to me, that felt great, but did she love me - I was always left wondering. There were days when I felt like simply asking her, but I was scared, I admit. I dint want to ruin a wonderful friendship and a perfect working relationship.I was really happy with the comfort level we shared, everybody who saw us on screen said we shared a magical chemistry. That always made me happy, I often dreamed- its because of our feelings for each other. Earlier,I was so much in awe of her that I couldn't let her know how I felt, Now I value our friendship too much to want to mess it up. I just wish I knew how she felt about me, really felt about me.
When the makers told me he was to be cast opposite me, I dint think much about it. I had seen him in an earlier serial and he was fairly popular with the girls, well that should work to our advantage I thought. I was in no mood to take up the usual saas-bahu routine so I thought it was a good idea to just give the campus caper a try. The expectations of the makers from my role was minimum but I knew I had it in me to create an impact. I was all set to prove myself to all and especially those who thought I wouldnt be able to do well. My goal was fixed and mind set. The last thing I expected was to fall in love. Fall in love, I did, and of all the people on earth, it was my co-star I fell for, the eternal ladies man. There is no girl on earth who can resist his charm when he turns it on. I feel myself going week-kneed and I relate to all the girls who are his fans. I had trouble controlling myself intially, so much so that some of the scenes in our interactions had some real emotions emanating from me. I finally gave in to his charm and became friends with him. Unlike what I thought of him earlier, he turned out to be a very nice guy, a complete Gentleman (trust me, I'm an actress and I know the difference), just really friendly and also, he doesnt keep much in his heart. Sometimes, I suspect he likes me, no sorry, loves me, but at other times I just put it down to my mind working over-time hoping for something like that! I feel it when he does those sweet little things for me, showers me with special attention, looking after even the tiniest need of mine. That guy, sigh, he really has it all in him, he is sincere, committed to work, is attached to his family, like the proverbial cherry on the cake is his smile, I'd classify it as the best in the whole wide world. He reserves those special smiles for me, that I've noticed, its not like he doesn't smile otherwise, he does..more in real life than in reel, yet, he smiles from his heart when we are together. This I know for sure! Sometimes I think he is genuinely trying to impress me, I hate it when he does it in full public view. Here, I'm not sure of his feelings for me, but he gives the entire world a feeling that we are in love with each other ! When he does those sweet things like sing for me, I cant help but blush, but then I get back into the actress mode, pretend that it was all part of the character we are playing! I never call him by his actual name when people are around. Sometimes, I confuse myself into believing its our characters that are in love with each other. Who am I kidding though, I know as sure as hell that I love him. This was not the plan! So I decided to concentrate on my work, well the problem is my work involved him. Its not like he were my co-worker, who I can be indifferent to, even if I like him. We are actors and the bane of our existence is that god forbid, we fall in love with out co-star, the act we put on gets harder. See, if I'm trying to avoid this guy for a day, just to prove to my mind that I can manage without him and what scene do I get for the day? A hug or a kiss !! Its not so much about acting anymore, its about controlling the natural emotion and thats way tougher! I feel so confused here, I am happy to be here but unhappy as well. I want to be with him but I want him to know. I love my work, so I wouldn't leave, I wouldn't leave my work because that would mean leaving him as well. Talk about how ironic life can be..
Edited by myownarea - 13 November 2009 at 8:24am
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