Why Marry?

I'm not talking in a legal sense. In general what I am asking is why make a commitment, why monogamy, why look for and choose only one person to spend the rest of one's life with. Hows this topic for a zinger.

Society on the whole is a monogamous society. Polygamy, Polyandry, swinging etc while prevalent are still a social minority. People are expected to maintain monogamous relationships and make monogamous commitments. Of course infidelities and such indiscretions exist, but the social core is geared towards monogamy. A person may move from one monogamous relationship to another - but that intrinsic desire for committed companionship remains.

Why is monogamy so emphasized in our society? Why are relationships evaluated in perceptions of love, commitment and long term sustainability? Society was not always monogamous. In fact in ancient times polyandrous relationships were prevalent amidst all global cultures. Why have we made that switch to monogamy? Is monogamy really for the better of society?

Biologically monogamy limits the breeding pool. It inhibits the betterment of the species by enhancing the gene pool. Darwinism and evolution is based on survival of the fittest. The species breeds indiscriminately and over time the species evolves as the better breeds and better of the gene pool sustains. Our social lifestyle is withholding our species from qualitatively propagating.

Socially does not the variety of experience help mankind broaden their perspectives on humanity. Monogamous social structure limits the social interaction of human beings to certain norms and conditions. Opening oneself to experiences beyond these norms are frowned upon. Are we limiting ourselves to grow as a person socially through varied interpersonal relationship experiences. Also without monogamy a person is never bound or codependent on one other person. They retain their individuality. A person also is able to fulfill various needs from different people, and interacting with different people allows a person to fulfill them in different ways. Every individual has a higher potential to have their needs satisfied and satisfy others.

Morally people argue for monogamous relationships. However, why is it morally wrong. Committed relationships tend to lead to negative emotions like jealousy, insecurity, pride, possessiveness. Failure of committed relationships can lead to pain, depression, anger etc. Would it not be morally better if we eliminate the expectations and obligations of relationships and make it free for all. We could potentially prevent more harm that way than the emotional harms caused by commitments.

Finally, does love and commitment genuinely exist - or is it just a construct for us to believe in. Do we believe in love and commitment because they actually exist or that we are constantly led to and made to believe in these romantic notions. Is a human being genuinely capable of unconditional love and commitment without the repercussions of regret and remorse? In terms of general human happiness in life does one way conclusively override the other in benefits? Or are we just setting ourselves up for disappointment by believing in fake and unreal social constructs.

Ek kahawat hai ... Edited by kuhu.kuhu - 14 years ago

Are you conspiring to keep me on IF today? Gotta go, my thoughts tomorrow! :)

P.S. You're not rethinking our marriage, are you? 😆

I think the desire for monogamy stems from jealousy. People feel possesive and don't take the idea of sharing too kindly. To stamp their exclusive ownership over their partner people came up with innovative ideas like walking 7 times around a fire pit or kissing someone in front of a room full of people or something else altogether and then named it as marriage.

Sorry to say but this is the most absurd logic you mention in your post to favor polygamy. Some people believe in complex ideas and complex solutions to life's simple problems\needs, polygamy may be the best fit for them. To answer the question in  your post "Why marry?" I would say that it is an individual choice. For me marriage is important. Each relationship in my opinion requires efforts- it requires love, affection. honest, trust and many other things. To state it in simple terms, to build a strong relationship, both the parties should be fully invested in it and that is what marriage stands for. But if someone is just looking for some fun time then they do not need to marry.

This content was originally posted by: gumsum

Sorry to say but this is the most absurd logic you mention in your post to favor polygamy. Some people believe in complex ideas and complex solutions to life's simple problems\needs, polygamy may be the best fit for them. To answer the question in  your post "Why marry?" I would say that it is an individual choice. For me marriage is important. Each relationship in my opinion requires efforts- it requires love, affection. honest, trust and many other things. To state it in simple terms, to build a strong relationship, both the parties should be fully invested in it and that is what marriage stands for. But if someone is just looking for some fun time then they do not need to marry.

I can go to  great lengths to argue on each o your points but I do not feel like. In any case I am not a good debater.

 

I know you are hinting directly at RTH 😆, therefore sorry to interrupt, but my one question is:

@Bolded: You say that right? Because I know about 3 couples who have a live-in relationship since years, one of them its been nearly 7 years now, and in no way, did I see the love decreasing, the honesty changing, the affection becoming rare, or the trust disappearing... And they do not have just fun, they share responsibilities, share their lives, share their passions, wants, share their sorrows and difficulties! It was just their mutual decision never to get married AND never to have children! So basically, I don't believe that it's marriage only that could bring all these in a relationship... After all, since when has any relationship depended on vows or legal contracts or paper hassles? 😉


I personally am for marriage, and will always be! Will post my views tomorrow... But the only question that intrigues me, and actually that I find interesting is: How does one define marriage at the end? Is it the vows or the papers only? Can't two people be married even without all those? Why does marriage come under the legal aspect? Can't two people believe they are married even if they aren't under official terms? 😃

This content was originally posted by: gumsum

Sorry to say but this is the most absurd logic you mention in your post to favor polygamy. Some people believe in complex ideas and complex solutions to life's simple problems\needs, polygamy may be the best fit for them. To answer the question in  your post "Why marry?" I would say that it is an individual choice. For me marriage is important. Each relationship in my opinion requires efforts- it requires love, affection. honest, trust and many other things. To state it in simple terms, to build a strong relationship, both the parties should be fully invested in it and that is what marriage stands for. But if someone is just looking for some fun time then they do not need to marry.

I can go to  great lengths to argue on each o your points but I do not feel like. In any case I am not a good debater.