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Why Marry?

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return_to_hades

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return_to_hades

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Posted: 10 November 2009 at 10:54pm | IP Logged
I'm not talking in a legal sense. In general what I am asking is why make a commitment, why monogamy, why look for and choose only one person to spend the rest of one's life with. Hows this topic for a zinger.

Society on the whole is a monogamous society. Polygamy, Polyandry, swinging etc while prevalent are still a social minority. People are expected to maintain monogamous relationships and make monogamous commitments. Of course infidelities and such indiscretions exist, but the social core is geared towards monogamy. A person may move from one monogamous relationship to another - but that intrinsic desire for committed companionship remains.

Why is monogamy so emphasized in our society? Why are relationships evaluated in perceptions of love, commitment and long term sustainability? Society was not always monogamous. In fact in ancient times polyandrous relationships were prevalent amidst all global cultures. Why have we made that switch to monogamy? Is monogamy really for the better of society?

Biologically monogamy limits the breeding pool. It inhibits the betterment of the species by enhancing the gene pool. Darwinism and evolution is based on survival of the fittest. The species breeds indiscriminately and over time the species evolves as the better breeds and better of the gene pool sustains. Our social lifestyle is withholding our species from qualitatively propagating.

Socially does not the variety of experience help mankind broaden their perspectives on humanity. Monogamous social structure limits the social interaction of human beings to certain norms and conditions. Opening oneself to experiences beyond these norms are frowned upon. Are we limiting ourselves to grow as a person socially through varied interpersonal relationship experiences. Also without monogamy a person is never bound or codependent on one other person. They retain their individuality. A person also is able to fulfill various needs from different people, and interacting with different people allows a person to fulfill them in different ways. Every individual has a higher potential to have their needs satisfied and satisfy others.

Morally people argue for monogamous relationships. However, why is it morally wrong. Committed relationships tend to lead to negative emotions like jealousy, insecurity, pride, possessiveness. Failure of committed relationships can lead to pain, depression, anger etc. Would it not be morally better if we eliminate the expectations and obligations of relationships and make it free for all. We could potentially prevent more harm that way than the emotional harms caused by commitments.

Finally, does love and commitment genuinely exist - or is it just a construct for us to believe in. Do we believe in love and commitment because they actually exist or that we are constantly led to and made to believe in these romantic notions. Is a human being genuinely capable of unconditional love and commitment without the repercussions of regret and remorse? In terms of general human happiness in life does one way conclusively override the other in benefits? Or are we just setting ourselves up for disappointment by believing in fake and unreal social constructs.

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kuhu.kuhu

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Posted: 10 November 2009 at 11:05pm | IP Logged
Ek kahawat hai ...
 
Shaadi hai Delhi  ka laddoo..Jo khaya woh pastaya , jo nahi khaya woh bhi pastaya...
 
Too sleepy to comprehend even what i just saidLOL ...will come back tomorrow once my brain starts working..
Till then
Adios amigos....
 
 
 
 
 


Edited by kuhu.kuhu - 10 November 2009 at 11:08pm

*Woh Ajnabee*

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Posted: 10 November 2009 at 11:11pm | IP Logged
Are you conspiring to keep me on IF today? Gotta go, my thoughts tomorrow! :)

P.S. You're not rethinking our marriage, are you? LOL

souro

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Posted: 10 November 2009 at 11:58pm | IP Logged

I think the desire for monogamy stems from jealousy. People feel possesive and don't take the idea of sharing too kindly. To stamp their exclusive ownership over their partner people came up with innovative ideas like walking 7 times around a fire pit or kissing someone in front of a room full of people or something else altogether and then named it as marriage.

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gumsum

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Posted: 11 November 2009 at 12:43am | IP Logged
Sorry to say but this is the most absurd logic you mention in your post to favor polygamy. Some people believe in complex ideas and complex solutions to life's simple problems\needs, polygamy may be the best fit for them. To answer the question in  your post "Why marry?" I would say that it is an individual choice. For me marriage is important. Each relationship in my opinion requires efforts- it requires love, affection. honest, trust and many other things. To state it in simple terms, to build a strong relationship, both the parties should be fully invested in it and that is what marriage stands for. But if someone is just looking for some fun time then they do not need to marry.
I can go to  great lengths to argue on each o your points but I do not feel like. In any case I am not a good debater.
 

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thornewood9Forever-KAFair-n-luvly..RamKiJanaki..

-Sneha

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Posted: 11 November 2009 at 1:18am | IP Logged
Originally posted by gumsum

Sorry to say but this is the most absurd logic you mention in your post to favor polygamy. Some people believe in complex ideas and complex solutions to life's simple problems\needs, polygamy may be the best fit for them. To answer the question in  your post "Why marry?" I would say that it is an individual choice. For me marriage is important. Each relationship in my opinion requires efforts- it requires love, affection. honest, trust and many other things. To state it in simple terms, to build a strong relationship, both the parties should be fully invested in it and that is what marriage stands for. But if someone is just looking for some fun time then they do not need to marry.
I can go to  great lengths to argue on each o your points but I do not feel like. In any case I am not a good debater.
 


I know you are hinting directly at RTH LOL, therefore sorry to interrupt, but my one question is:

@Bolded: You say that right? Because I know about 3 couples who have a live-in relationship since years, one of them its been nearly 7 years now, and in no way, did I see the love decreasing, the honesty changing, the affection becoming rare, or the trust disappearing... And they do not have just fun, they share responsibilities, share their lives, share their passions, wants, share their sorrows and difficulties! It was just their mutual decision never to get married AND never to have children! So basically, I don't believe that it's marriage only that could bring all these in a relationship... After all, since when has any relationship depended on vows or legal contracts or paper hassles? Wink


I personally am for marriage, and will always be! Will post my views tomorrow... But the only question that intrigues me, and actually that I find interesting is: How does one define marriage at the end? Is it the vows or the papers only? Can't two people be married even without all those? Why does marriage come under the legal aspect? Can't two people believe they are married even if they aren't under official terms? Big smile


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return_to_hades

souro

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souro

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Posted: 11 November 2009 at 1:31am | IP Logged
Originally posted by gumsum

Sorry to say but this is the most absurd logic you mention in your post to favor polygamy. Some people believe in complex ideas and complex solutions to life's simple problems\needs, polygamy may be the best fit for them. To answer the question in  your post "Why marry?" I would say that it is an individual choice. For me marriage is important. Each relationship in my opinion requires efforts- it requires love, affection. honest, trust and many other things. To state it in simple terms, to build a strong relationship, both the parties should be fully invested in it and that is what marriage stands for. But if someone is just looking for some fun time then they do not need to marry.
I can go to  great lengths to argue on each o your points but I do not feel like. In any case I am not a good debater.
She gave some logic and she backed up those logic with well established facts. Now how is that absurd?? As in any debate she threw in an idea and some points which simply question the utility of monogamy.
I guess you're doing the same thing when you mentioned love, affection, honesty, trust, etc. to validate monogamy. Now I want to ask you is it impossible to love, have affection for and trust more than one person?? If it's not impossible to include more than one person as deserving of these emotions then how come poly is wrong and mono becomes the norm??

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return_to_hadesFair-n-luvly

Vinzy

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Posted: 11 November 2009 at 2:16am | IP Logged

Some point I would like to say marriage is against nature.....Big smileYou can be certain only of this moment that is in your hands. ....All promises for tomorrow are lies -- and marriage is a promise for ur whole life, tht you will remain together, that you will love each other, that yu will respect each other till your last breath...I dont know its possible or notSmile

Hold sombodys hand -- a friend or a stranger. Don't wait that you will only love whn the right person happens...... Then the right person will never happen. Go on loving. The more you love, the more is the possibility for the right person to happen, becos your heart starts flowering.... And a flowering heart attracts many bees, many lovers.SmileI think I posted earlier that In fact society should create all barriers possible for marriage and no barrier for divorce...... Society should nt allow people to marry so easily. SmileThe court should create barriers -- live with the woman for two years at least, thn the court can allow you to get married.Smile Right now they are doing just the reverse. If you want to get married, nobody asks whether you are ready or whether it is just a whim, jst becos yu like the nose of the woman.or you like the a$$ of the women, or you like other parts lol... What foolishness! One cannot live by just a long nose/a watever Aftr two days the nose/ other will be forgotten. Smile

But its we should approve more realistic with life, more prose. And marriage itself never destroys anything. Marriage simply brings out whatsoever is hidden in you -- it brings it out. If love is hidden behind you, inside you, marriage brings it out. If love was just a pretension, just a bait, then sooner or later it has to disappear.SmileI believe marriage simply is an opportunity, so whatsoever yu had to bring out will come out. I am not saying that love is destroyed by marriage. Love is destroyed by people who don't know how to love ,how to not use it....Smile 





Edited by Believe - 11 November 2009 at 2:19am

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