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Feminine charm and flirting and sexual harassment (Page 7)

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Summer3

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Summer3

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Posted: 04 November 2009 at 7:47am | IP Logged
Originally posted by return_to_hades

A lot of women do tend to use their feminine traits to get things their way. There is more to it than meets the eye though. Not all do it intentionally. Many men end up catering to the whims of a woman, not because the woman is playing them - but because they themselves want to impress them.

Sometimes women use their charms to have their way because they may not be left with an alternative. Women in leadership roles, or male dominated work areas can be in situations where they are not taken seriously. They hence tend to resort to flirting to have their way. Then there are a lot of women who are led to believe that they need to flirt or dumb themselves down to be feminine or impress the opposite sex. This is in no way a justification for using flirting to get their way. Anything done for the wrong reasons is wrong. But its important to understand that there are some gaps in society that need to be fixed.

That being said all women by no means are pure hearted beings. Many are conniving, well aware of their charms and abilities and use it to control people like a puppet on strings. But women should not be generalized as flirts who use it to have their way. Just in the same light that men should not be generalized as being flirts to get into people's pants. Such generalizations can lead to hasty and unfair judgment of others.

Flirting on its own is a harmless social behavior. Its just a human way of telling each other that they are attractive, desirable or interesting. It has the ability to lighten the atmosphere and make people feel happy.

However, there is a strict line between flirting and sexual harassment. Anytime a flirtation is unwelcome and undesirable, when it starts people making uncomfortable it has crossed the line into harassment and sexual harassment if it is sexual or relentless in nature. Sexual harassment is no laughing business. It is something that can be really traumatic for people who experience it in the workplace or elsewhere. And no women are not the only victims, men are equally harassed by other men and women. I find it ironic when people make lofty claims that flirting is an art, which when used incorrectly can harm others and yet go on behaving in an undesirable manner which fits the definition of harassment.

Honestly, I do not know if flirting is an art or not. All I know that is in any form of social interaction respect and consideration for each other is vital. Perhaps in that there is an art to being a good human being. One should know where limitations lie. Not everyone is comfortable with flirting. Sometimes people may be flirtatious with some close friends and people they feel comfortable with, they may not be as receptive of such attention from others. Sometimes people draw the line at sexual innuendo, and when you cross that line you have ceased flirting and become a jerk.

Of course no one is born a mind reader to know exactly what the other person is comfortable with and where they draw the line. I've got several guy friends and I know that men and women can think differently and draw different conclusions. I hate it when girls can take one remark out of context and blow it out of proportion. Most people are aware of that and thats why they try to politely let down people, try to ignore or send the message that they do not like it, even spell it out clearly stop. So there is plenty of opportunity to rectify the errors and change ways. I know there are good sensible men and women out there who sometimes after the fact realize that they said something that could be inappropriate and apologize without being asked to. However, when people are told to stop it and still continue. I do not know if they are just plain stupid or completely full of themselves.

I don't think its right to draw up excuses for when you cross a line and invade someone's personal space by flirting. Some say the virtual world is different. Yes, it is different and a lot of us are more laid back and open virtually than in real life. We say or do things that we may not do in real life. But ultimately its not merely a user name on the other side, its a real human being who ought to be respected and treated right. Perhaps the most ludicrous argument I've heard is that flirting is a part and parcel of an argument. I guess it maybe for a couple or really close buddies. But I've really never seen a highschool team flirt their way into debate trophies.

But in the end what do I know. I'm just a socially awkward introverted geek. What the heck would I know about flirting and all its elaborate arts and nuances that the masters seem to know off. I could be completely oblivious to the finer truths about flirting. I'm just one of those dork types whose talking about mutual respect and consideration. I wont say I do not flirt at all. I guess sometimes its just a part of human nature. I still have good friends so I'm probably not that much of a social retard and people tend to respond favorably - so I'm going to assume that somewhere amidst the dorkiness I got something right.
 
Ah a picture is indeed worth a thousand words. I think best is always to be your own normal self.
 
Since flirting is an emotion related skill it has to be an art and some persons have inborn talent in this; soft sweet speech with a little smile and a girlish giggle. If endowed with a dancer's gestures and movements ( of the eyes, head and limbs) it would be a killer combination.
Danger of flirting is that one may not be able to catch a single bird or worse attract a crow instead.LOL

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return_to_hades

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return_to_hades

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Posted: 04 November 2009 at 8:03am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Summer3

 
Ah a picture is indeed worth a thousand words. I think best is always to be your own normal self.
 
Since flirting is an emotion related skill it has to be an art and some persons have inborn talent in this; soft sweet speech with a little smile and a girlish giggle. If endowed with a dancer's gestures and movements ( of the eyes, head and limbs) it would be a killer combination.
Danger of flirting is that one may not be able to catch a single bird or worse attract a crow instead.LOL


If that is an art then I would rather be the most unartistic being on earth. I prefer sarcasm and disdain to sweet speech, a glare to a smile and evil smirk over a girlish giggle. And who wants to flit about like some  dancer when you can be a ninja.


Edited by return_to_hades - 04 November 2009 at 8:06am

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Fair-n-luvly

karandel_2008

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Posted: 04 November 2009 at 1:50pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by return_to_hades

 
Ah a picture is indeed worth a thousand words. I think best is always to be your own normal self.
 
Since flirting is an emotion related skill it has to be an art and some persons have inborn talent in this; soft sweet speech with a little smile and a girlish giggle. If endowed with a dancer's gestures and movements ( of the eyes, head and limbs) it would be a killer combination.
Danger of flirting is that one may not be able to catch a single bird or worse attract a crow instead.LOL


Lol! lets hope people dont imitate the ones with inborn talent. I will find it very funny to see the following:
Lets say a guy is walking normally.  When he sees a woman, he goes to talk to her and periodically, out of nowhere does some dance, in between, on the road.

But then everyone likes funny people Tongue


Edited by karandel_2008 - 04 November 2009 at 2:20pm

karandel_2008

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Posted: 04 November 2009 at 1:53pm | IP Logged
About feminine charm, I find one thing funny about someone. When she is angry she starts talking in english Otherwise talks in Hindi. Does this happen to anyone else?


Edited by karandel_2008 - 04 November 2009 at 2:14pm

karandel_2008

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Posted: 04 November 2009 at 2:11pm | IP Logged
On women taking advantage: this happens, but cannot be generalized. There are always people who like to exploit and there are people who are vulnerable targets. Similarly, there are many men who like to take advantage of others.

We can see these cases in work places and colleges. Women and men exploite others for assignments and works etc. In these cases, it is neither good (in terms of learning or growing) for the exploiter nor for the one being exploited.

Personally, I always suspect those women at work (that they want to exploit me for work), who  become "over" excited to see me and are "extra" nice to me. It becomes confirmed when they come some other day and say "do you have five minutes?" I try to tell them lets see on some other day or something.
 
Similarly I am suspicious of men who are extra nice on face. Too sugary men give some wrong signals.

Only problem is that I never learned how to say a "definite No".  Moreover, I believe that everyone needs some guidance about work, etc, because there are many people who could have done a lot better if guided properly. But, we need to draw a line between guidance and  anything extra.

There are several men who take advantage as well. Outside India we all have to cook sometimes. I know this guy who never cooked. His skill: he will find some vulnerable Indian guys and will butter them up by saying nice things about them or about food. They will cook and he will eat. Lol! he passed so many years like that and used to always find new vulnerable guys when old ones got frustrated. I wondered sometimes whether  they themselves know this and are instead happy because of his company and inflated ego, once in a while.

Thus, it cannot be generalized that women take advantage. There are many men who take advantage of others as well.




Edited by karandel_2008 - 04 November 2009 at 3:13pm

Gauri_3

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Posted: 04 November 2009 at 4:34pm | IP Logged
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Summer3

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Summer3

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Posted: 04 November 2009 at 5:15pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by return_to_hades

Originally posted by Summer3

 
Ah a picture is indeed worth a thousand words. I think best is always to be your own normal self.
 
Since flirting is an emotion related skill it has to be an art and some persons have inborn talent in this; soft sweet speech with a little smile and a girlish giggle. If endowed with a dancer's gestures and movements ( of the eyes, head and limbs) it would be a killer combination.
Danger of flirting is that one may not be able to catch a single bird or worse attract a crow instead.LOL


If that is an art then I would rather be the most unartistic being on earth. I prefer sarcasm and disdain to sweet speech, a glare to a smile and evil smirk over a girlish giggle. And who wants to flit about like some  dancer when you can be a ninja.
Well making a man feel inferior does not bring you very far generally .LOL
But I guess you love to jump into the intellectual arena and mud wrestle and beat the hell out of the opponent. A real Xena.

Summer3

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Summer3

Joined: 24 September 2007

Posts: 44218

Posted: 04 November 2009 at 5:18pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by karandel_2008

Originally posted by return_to_hades

 
Ah a picture is indeed worth a thousand words. I think best is always to be your own normal self.
 
Since flirting is an emotion related skill it has to be an art and some persons have inborn talent in this; soft sweet speech with a little smile and a girlish giggle. If endowed with a dancer's gestures and movements ( of the eyes, head and limbs) it would be a killer combination.
Danger of flirting is that one may not be able to catch a single bird or worse attract a crow instead.LOL


Lol! lets hope people dont imitate the ones with inborn talent. I will find it very funny to see the following:
Lets say a guy is walking normally.  When he sees a woman, he goes to talk to her and periodically, out of nowhere does some dance, in between, on the road.

But then everyone likes funny people Tongue
funny persons often give the impression of being friendly and approachable. If funny all the time then it can be irritating to more serious persons. Guess being funny and serious when required is desirable.

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