Posted: 04 November 2009 at 7:47am | IP Logged
Originally posted by return_to_hades
A lot of women do tend to use their feminine traits to get things their way. There is more to it than meets the eye though. Not all do it intentionally. Many men end up catering to the whims of a woman, not because the woman is playing them - but because they themselves want to impress them.
Sometimes women use their charms to have their way because they may not be left with an alternative. Women in leadership roles, or male dominated work areas can be in situations where they are not taken seriously. They hence tend to resort to flirting to have their way. Then there are a lot of women who are led to believe that they need to flirt or dumb themselves down to be feminine or impress the opposite sex. This is in no way a justification for using flirting to get their way. Anything done for the wrong reasons is wrong. But its important to understand that there are some gaps in society that need to be fixed.
That being said all women by no means are pure hearted beings. Many are conniving, well aware of their charms and abilities and use it to control people like a puppet on strings. But women should not be generalized as flirts who use it to have their way. Just in the same light that men should not be generalized as being flirts to get into people's pants. Such generalizations can lead to hasty and unfair judgment of others.
Flirting on its own is a harmless social behavior. Its just a human way of telling each other that they are attractive, desirable or interesting. It has the ability to lighten the atmosphere and make people feel happy.
However, there is a strict line between flirting and sexual harassment. Anytime a flirtation is unwelcome and undesirable, when it starts people making uncomfortable it has crossed the line into harassment and sexual harassment if it is sexual or relentless in nature. Sexual harassment is no laughing business. It is something that can be really traumatic for people who experience it in the workplace or elsewhere. And no women are not the only victims, men are equally harassed by other men and women. I find it ironic when people make lofty claims that flirting is an art, which when used incorrectly can harm others and yet go on behaving in an undesirable manner which fits the definition of harassment.
Honestly, I do not know if flirting is an art or not. All I know that is in any form of social interaction respect and consideration for each other is vital. Perhaps in that there is an art to being a good human being. One should know where limitations lie. Not everyone is comfortable with flirting. Sometimes people may be flirtatious with some close friends and people they feel comfortable with, they may not be as receptive of such attention from others. Sometimes people draw the line at sexual innuendo, and when you cross that line you have ceased flirting and become a jerk.
Of course no one is born a mind reader to know exactly what the other person is comfortable with and where they draw the line. I've got several guy friends and I know that men and women can think differently and draw different conclusions. I hate it when girls can take one remark out of context and blow it out of proportion. Most people are aware of that and thats why they try to politely let down people, try to ignore or send the message that they do not like it, even spell it out clearly stop. So there is plenty of opportunity to rectify the errors and change ways. I know there are good sensible men and women out there who sometimes after the fact realize that they said something that could be inappropriate and apologize without being asked to. However, when people are told to stop it and still continue. I do not know if they are just plain stupid or completely full of themselves.
I don't think its right to draw up excuses for when you cross a line and invade someone's personal space by flirting. Some say the virtual world is different. Yes, it is different and a lot of us are more laid back and open virtually than in real life. We say or do things that we may not do in real life. But ultimately its not merely a user name on the other side, its a real human being who ought to be respected and treated right. Perhaps the most ludicrous argument I've heard is that flirting is a part and parcel of an argument. I guess it maybe for a couple or really close buddies. But I've really never seen a highschool team flirt their way into debate trophies.
But in the end what do I know. I'm just a socially awkward introverted geek. What the heck would I know about flirting and all its elaborate arts and nuances that the masters seem to know off. I could be completely oblivious to the finer truths about flirting. I'm just one of those dork types whose talking about mutual respect and consideration. I wont say I do not flirt at all. I guess sometimes its just a part of human nature. I still have good friends so I'm probably not that much of a social retard and people tend to respond favorably - so I'm going to assume that somewhere amidst the dorkiness I got something right.
Ah a picture is indeed worth a thousand words. I think best is always to be your own normal self.
Since flirting is an emotion related skill it has to be an art and some persons have inborn talent in this; soft sweet speech with a little smile and a girlish giggle. If endowed with a dancer's gestures and movements ( of the eyes, head and limbs) it would be a killer combination.
Danger of flirting is that one may not be able to catch a single bird or worse attract a crow instead.