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My Sister,My saviour-A Short Story

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noorie_

IF-Dazzler

noorie_

Joined: 28 September 2005

Posts: 3828

Posted: 24 October 2009 at 9:36pm | IP Logged
Hey Guys!
This is a short story written by me and i wanted to share it with all of you.

My Sister, My Saviour.
By: Nooriya Jinia

        Who knew the joyous day we spent together would come to such a dreary end. I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of waves gently lapping against the shore. I uttered a silent prayer and hoped for the best.

        I was mellow but Sheila was aggressive. She would go to any heights to save our family from our life of misery. I inhaled the salty scent of the breeze and was reminded of the time where I was being bullied by the boys across the street and my sister had arrived like a shield and saved me from every single one of them. After so long, we decided to spend a day together at the newly opened, 'Honeyhill Carnival', with permission from our parents of course.

        However, like always, nothing good lasts forever. The loan sharks were back again and pestering us for more money than we had taken from them. The threatened me with their knives as my saviour came for me and put her life at risk, all just for me. Then, like a flick of a wand, Sheila was slashed. Her body lay in a pool of blood in the middle of the carnival, where families came to enjoy. Many shrieked at the gory sight but I stood there with nothing left to say as the loan sharks took the opportunity to escape.

        It had been a six months now but the memories of this incident still stay fresh in my mind. Sometimes, I still wake up in the middle of the night, convulsing, as the repitition of the events replay themselves in my mind. I will always love you Sheila, my sister, my saviour.


Feel free to comment/criticize! :)
Smile

The following 5 member(s) liked the above post:

..KaJenDelena..BilliCat.sindhyaa.aish_punkNadz_YuNalover

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MrMonster

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MrMonster

Joined: 02 January 2009

Posts: 376

Posted: 25 October 2009 at 6:57am | IP Logged
A very sweet story, now let's just keep hoping real sisters are like that.

_.serendipity._

Senior Member

_.serendipity._

Joined: 14 October 2009

Posts: 231

Posted: 25 October 2009 at 11:57am | IP Logged
Very moving, and you write well Smile
 
I wish it was longer, and that there were more details, though.. But I guess the crispness of the story and the abruptness of its end mirrors the narrator's own emotions. I'm just greedy for more..hehe.
 
Good work!

aish_punk

IF-Sizzlerz

aish_punk

Joined: 11 January 2008

Posts: 20622

Posted: 31 October 2009 at 6:08am | IP Logged

hey..nice huh..

She always used to save her, and in the process fell i trouble. That happens often but its sad. I know the girl regrets it like hell tho its not her mistake.
 
update soon
 
-aish

*Nishi*

IF-Sizzlerz

*Nishi*

Joined: 26 January 2008

Posts: 14066

Posted: 31 October 2009 at 11:06am | IP Logged
aw that was very touching.. very realistic..  i really liked how you decribed the ocean scene. big sisters are always supposed to be like that.. standing up for their younger siblings. its sad when they have to die.. i hope this wasn't a true story was it? Ouch

Nadz_YuNalover

IF-Addictz

Nadz_YuNalover

Joined: 28 March 2008

Posts: 74135

Posted: 05 November 2009 at 5:23am | IP Logged
hey i reli like the way u write... it was a very sad story tho but beautifully written, it was short so cudnt see much of ur sweet and awesum writing so do write more jaldi!

sindhyaa.

IF-Sizzlerz

sindhyaa.

Joined: 08 February 2009

Posts: 17257

Posted: 05 November 2009 at 11:17am | IP Logged
nooriya thiss is beautiful jaaan!!
lovedd the style of ur writtingg
hats off janii!

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