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Short story: Ride of my life (now complete!!) (Page 2)

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_.serendipity._

Senior Member

_.serendipity._

Joined: 14 October 2009

Posts: 231

Posted: 24 October 2009 at 5:44am | IP Logged
 
Part 4 (last part)
 
I hardly felt the roller coaster ride. I hardly realised that I was upside down, nearly crashing into the ground, flipping 360 degrees three times, that everybody was yelling their guts out, that the blood rushed to my head and the wind whooshed through my ears, that my favourite cap was threatening to fly off, that the bolts of the roller coaster seemed to whine omniously.

 

All I could feel was the pressure of his hand, his slightly sweaty hand.

 

I knew I was safe, that nothing could happen to me if my hand was in his, if he was there by my side. But I wanted to die. I wanted the ride to be never-ending. I didn't want there to be a life after the ride. Because I feared we might never be as close again.

 

The ride ended. The spell broke. We let go. My hand was still moist. Whose sweat, I didn't know anymore.

 

We smiled at each other, fellow conspirators.

 

"You didn't scream this time?" he asked softly, amidst the excited, wide-eyed high-pitched exclamations of the others.

 

"I, um.. forgot."

 

It's been over four years since the ride, four years since we held hands. Over two years since I last saw him. Six months since I heard his voice.

 

I lied. The ride did not end. In my heart, I feel it still.

 

I could never tell him, but I know that nobody can ever take his place. There are few people I truly connect with, and honestly, I have never been able to feel the same connection that I share with him, with anybody else. Believe me, I have had a fair share of crushes. But I looked for him in everyone I met, and the crushes never lasted long...because nobody could be better at being him than him. I really don't know why I love him so. I just know that I do, despite everything that went wrong.

 
If only he had not left. If only he were not so far, being so painfully close. If only.

 

It's his birthday tomorrow, in just a few hours. It is an exhilarating thought. I will have an excuse to call him, and I will hear his voice. And everything will be wonderful and beautiful. Again.

 
The End
(of this short story...
of other things in the world, I know now, there can be no end)

 



Edited by _.serendipity._ - 25 October 2009 at 11:44am

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tusheSur_10aish_punk

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indigal07

Goldie

indigal07

Joined: 19 May 2007

Posts: 2413

Posted: 12 November 2009 at 9:26pm | IP Logged
Wow this is truly amazing. I love this short story...the emotions were completely understandable and your writing is phenomenal. I love the words that you used. Much of it sounded poetic which was a very nice touch to the short story. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful talent...its much much appreciated =)

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_.serendipity._

_.serendipity._

Senior Member

_.serendipity._

Joined: 14 October 2009

Posts: 231

Posted: 13 November 2009 at 2:10pm | IP Logged
 
Oh thank you, thank you so much for commenting. I really, truly appreciate it. I had given up on receiving any comments. So I must be the one thanking you, really! It is a lovely, very, very encouraging comment! Big smile 
 
As for "beautiful talent", that's so sweet of you, but I don't think I deserve such praise. It's a true story, so all I did was, quite imaginatively, tell the tale. No creativity involved. And I really don't think I did justice to what I was trying to capture.
 
That said, I do kinda like compliments, so I'll accept it, graciously LOL
 
Thanks again!! Big smileYou are extremely, incredibly, astoundingly AWESOME!! Big smile Big smile Big smile


Edited by _.serendipity._ - 13 November 2009 at 2:38pm

indigal07

Goldie

indigal07

Joined: 19 May 2007

Posts: 2413

Posted: 13 November 2009 at 7:08pm | IP Logged
Your very welcome! Big smileI'm really impressed by your writing to tell the truth and I'm sure that if you continue writing you'll get better at it. It's what happensBig smile. I love writing myself and all anyone keeps telling me is keep writing. Practice won't make perfect in my opinion because perfection doesn't exist, but, practice will surely make you better which is as close as you can get. Smile
 
I've written things here also...one thing I think...a poem possibly about a year ago I posted it here. I got comments but then the comments stopped later on. That's no reason to be discouraged. People will comment and they wont...its life. Don't stop what you're doing though...you are good at writing and you should strive to write more...I'm sure you'll write great things =)EmbarrassedSmile
 
Many things are true stories and its true that sometimes, things we write can't capture all those emotions that are related to that event we are attempting to re create. Nothing beats the real thing. But through writing, we can come close to it, and possibly explore it and play with it in many ways.   That must've been some real experience....it sounded so exciting, so exhilirating.  What's upsetting though, is that the characters didn't end up together....this match...was not cemented together.  Though its depressing...its life. It's real. This is what gives it a real and more believable aspect which I admire you for creating.ClapClapClap
 
Haha look at the long comment I just left you, I must be off of your "Awesome" list and onto your "Oh my gosh she just keeps talking ughhh" list nowLOL.  But thank you, you are very awesome yourself as well StarStar

_.serendipity._

Senior Member

_.serendipity._

Joined: 14 October 2009

Posts: 231

Posted: 14 November 2009 at 2:56am | IP Logged
 
Aaliyah, you're definitely still in my 'Awesome' list!! In fact you just keep getting awesomer and awesomer~~ Big smile
 
Thank you very, very much for all the encouragement. I am really, very touched!! Embarrassed And I am so grateful that I want to keep saying thanks until you regret having commented! LOL Seriously, I mean it, thanks, from the bottom of my heart! I will write on, hoping to improve,. Currently, I'm workng a fictional story called 'When you least expect it.' In fact, after reading your previous comment, I was so inspired and motivated that I went and wrote Part 2 and uploaded it! Big smile That's how encouraging you are!! Star Star
 
Your thoughts on writing about real things is so true. Words do seem insufficient and hollow at times.. But as you said, writing helps. I hadn't thought about it that way, so thanks for the new, refreshing perspective Smile 
 
And yes, it is sad that we're not together. Because just before he left, it really felt like he was going to ask me out. We had been to the prom, he had taken me out on a lunch date, gotten me a rose. Things were really going well. I was so happy and hopeful Smile And then he just left, and it all ended. But for as long as he was there, it was beautiful and the beauty of it lives on, transcending time and space. So I'm not that sad now. And we do drop each other a few words on facebook from time to time and call each other on our birthdays Embarrassed 
 
I'm new here so I didn't know about your poem, so thanks for telling about it. I went and read it and I loved it. YOU MUST WRITE MORE!! Big smile I can see that you are not only a talented writer, in terms of style, but also have the depth of thought and perception that is needed for intensely meaningful writings! I insist, really!! Big smile Big smile Big smile Very, very eager to read more!!
 
 


Edited by _.serendipity._ - 14 November 2009 at 4:07am

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indigal07

indigal07

Goldie

indigal07

Joined: 19 May 2007

Posts: 2413

Posted: 14 November 2009 at 6:36pm | IP Logged

Aww thank you so much!Big smile

You're welcome anytime. You honestly deserve all the praise and I am so delighted that I inspired you to write the second part to your other story. I will take a look once a get a chanceSmile

That's nice... that is a very good characteristic to have, to think of that past as a beautiful time. Others would just think of it as something dicouraging or decietful as they did not recieve what they desired most. But it is amazing that you can just take that and make something positive out of it. I give you kudos for thatStarStar

Thank you so much for your encouragement! I am truly touched that you took the time to read it.Smile  I have written a lot more which I haven't posted online yet and I continue to write and wish to write more once I get a chance.  Thank you for the encouragement, I really truly appreciate itBig smile   I love your writing by the way...its very nice and sophisticatedBig smileBig smile

_.serendipity._

Senior Member

_.serendipity._

Joined: 14 October 2009

Posts: 231

Posted: 14 November 2009 at 11:16pm | IP Logged
 
Omg, noooooo! Why haven't you posted?? Do so!! ASAP!! I'll keep bugging you until you do Wink

aish_punk

IF-Sizzlerz

aish_punk

Joined: 11 January 2008

Posts: 20622

Posted: 19 November 2009 at 4:44am | IP Logged
hey hema..the last part was nice..
 
the ride ended, but m sure she had the time of her life!..n one  moment of enjoyment is worth it too..
 
well he just disappeared..thats sad..but they're still in touch..though its not tat gud..
 
srry abt d late comment, i read it but had to go that time so cudnt comment! n later 4got about it..m really sorry..
 
n ure plannin another story?..thats nice..do post the link here atleast..
 
-aish

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_.serendipity._

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