Posted: 18 October 2009 at 1:17am | IP Logged
Since the subject of parental consent has been breached, here is my personal opinion on it.
I never condone rebellion or opposing parents. No matter how strict or rigid they may act or behave, all they want is the very best for their children. Parental love is unconditional, and there is nothing more a parent wants to see than their children being the happiest. These are the people who sacrifice all to raise you, and people are forever indebted to their parents. Which is why when building relationships one should be conscientious of what their family expects of them.
However, choosing someone to spend the rest of your life with is a serious choice. This is someone who you will spend your life with, even after your parents are gone. This is someone whom you will spend every day with, not your parents. This is someone you ought to want to raise kids with. This is someone you will be introducing to everyone as your spouse. This is someone who will be the key person in your life after marriage. This someone definitely ought to be someone you want to be with, and I feel a person's input counts. Secondly, love is not an emotion we as humans are completely in control of, We never know whom we will fall in love.
Despite that I do not condone irresponsible actions or forgetting the important people in one's lives for the sake of love. I firmly believe that parents have unconditional love and want the best for their children. The best thing to do is to face the challenge head on and express your intent to your parents and focus into winning them over.
Before doing something hasty like eloping, remember that parents want the very best for you. If they are still sternly opposing - do they genuinely have a good reason. Could this person you love be actually wrong for you. Are you willing and ready to take the risk and bear its consequences. If they have no good reason other than stubbornness and conformism - people have a choice to make.
Which is why parents also need to sometimes take a step back and into their children's shoes. Is the person your child loves genuinely not suitable, or are you caught in a stubborn mindset. If this person is a good person, someone ready for marriage and capable of fulfilling all duties and responsibilities - is there good reason to oppose it. More importantly - is opposing the marriage worth breaking your child's heart. The whole question of rebellion or betrayal is moot if every human being opens their hearts a little with compassion.
In my honest opinion estrangement is a better choice than resentment. Love and relationships still exist subtly in estrangement. Only bitterness sustains in resentment. Estrangement can be reconciled. Resentment can never be. Times change, people change and past mistakes can be forgiven and forgotten. Resentment grows deeper and deeper each day.
I feel it is better to take the risk even if you may end up being hurt - because you will know that it was not right, it was not meant to be. Its always better than living a life of what ifs, and resentment towards people that they denied you your what ifs. Remember, if your heart is broken - you will always resent the person who broke it - even if it was you or your parents. Its a cardinal rule of the heart's irrationalities - it always resents the people who break it - no matter how much it loves them.
There are many people who will marry a person of their parents choice and live a happy loving married life, genuinely loving their spouse. However, what a lot of happily married couples never reveal is the burden of what ifs, the regrets and resentments that leave a sense of perpetual emptiness. People ought to know and be prepared that its a lot more compromise than they bargained for, and marriage becomes more about companionship love than passionate romantic love.
One thing I have to add is that if people feel they can never betray their parents and will only marry who their parents deem fit - have no right to fall in love outside marriage. And if they do they ought not to act upon it. There is nothing worse and low than making someone fall in love with you, pretending to be there - when ultimately when faced with the real test you will chicken out and leave them stranded. If a person cannot take accountability for their own relationships - they ought not to do it.
When it comes to arranged or love marriages, I am ambivalent. Its a matter of choice and people will do what they feel comfortable with. Some people believe in love and want to find their love, some people believe that marriage works best when parents choose the right one.
My only caveat with arranged marriage on a personal level is that I find that the cheapest and disgusting thing I could do in my life is sleep with someone I am not in love with or care about. I'm not judgmental when it comes to sex, but when it comes to myself that is something i cannot do. Unless I feel I am genuinely in love with the person, it will be all platonic. The only caveat with all that is I'm too lazy to find love on my own either.