Defining Moments
"I hate it, hate it, hate it" Anu said vehemently, "I hate being a girl. It's a punishment for past life sins, I am sure about it. Boys can do what they want and get away with it but not girls. They can walk around looking like dish rags but girls must always look nice and neat. It's just not fair".
Anu was talking to her best friend Uma in the canteen of the college on the last day of the first year exams. She was in the second year of college and at the age when people say tomboys stop acting as such. But till now there had been no sign of such a change in her.
Uma was used to Anu's lamentations. She had been hearing them for a long time. She thought it a better use of her time to eat her samosas and present feeble arguments in between bites.
"Hey come on. It's not so bad. There are compensations you know" insisted Uma.
"Name one," Anu demanded.
"Wellll…we get to dress up. We have a lot more choices in clothes. And…and… "
"That's the good side according to you?" Anu asked, sickened.
"Oh forget it. You won't understand," she said.
"Fine by me. Let's talk about something else."
"When are you leaving for the wedding?" Uma asked
"Saturday. Mom wanted me to wear a sari," Anu said indignantly, "but I told her there is no way in hell I'm doing that."
"So that's what triggered the latest 'I hate being a girl' speech huh," she said nodding wisely. "Don't think about that now. Just think about the fun you are going to have."
Anu sighed impressively but the thought of the visit to her native place and the wedding did cheer her up quite a bit.
A wedding in the family is always a time for king size enjoyment. This time was no different; all the cousins were up with the light which in their normal lives was nothing short of a miracle and they would go to sleep way after midnight. Sleep that Anu claimed was so important during school days and more importantly during exam days, had become something she could easily do without, as her mother unfailingly pointed out every chance she got.
A few family friends and their children were also present and they joined in with great enthusiasm. Anant was one of them. He was 20 years old, intelligent, simple and humorous and Anu had become good friends with him in a short span of time.
She would hang around her cousin sisters until the topics under discussion became too girlish and would then sneak out of the room and join her cousin brothers and the other guys in a little football or videogames.
The day before the wedding the whole family was going to visit the ancestral temple. Anu couldn't escape her mom who chased her around with kajal and bindis. At the end of the make up session, Anu was in a very bad temper and also feeling embarrassed. She had never let mom get away with so much.
She walked down to the courtyard, feeling very self conscious, where the rest of the tribe were waiting for the taxis. Anu first ran into her sister who was extremely fond of dressing up and sincerely believed to this day that there was a mix up at the hospital the day Anu was born. Her unflattering look of disbelief and the subsequent proud smile perked Anu up a little.
Then both moved towards the rest. Anant and her cousin were playing with a football. He stopped when he saw her. He seemed a little taken aback but quickly recovered. Then in a would-be-casual tone he said, 'Hey you look really pretty today'. And he began to hum a recent film song, which in the movie is an ode to a beautiful girl. It was sung part teasingly but partly not. And somehow, both knew it.
Instinctively, Anu realised that he thought she was pretty and even more shockingly, that he was attracted to her. She unexpectedly felt an intoxicating mix of pleasure, pride….and, could it be, power? Perhaps she was feeling the power of being a woman…… it was exhilarating. The rest of the day Anu was quite the picture of dignity and grace, a highly unusual event.
The wedding was over (Anu wore a sari by the way). It was a grand affair and all had a blast. The next day many people were leaving. Anant included. He said his byes all around and reached her last. "Can you give me your email id" he asked "I'll write to you sometime." They shyly exchanged email ids and when the car drew away, it was on her that his eyes rested till it took a turn around the curve of the road.
Anu waved, feeling curiously sad. But then, she felt convinced that they would remain in touch. She was sure he would write. But, she thought mischievously, would she be prompt at replying or would she keep him waiting. Would she misuse her newfound power? Of course not. She would not misuse it; but she would definitely use it. Anu couldn't stop the smile unfurling on her lips.
"Why do you have that evil grin on your face?" her sister asked anxiously, as she had seen it many a times before and knew it boded ill for someone. "Don't worry", Anu said, "you're safe." Her sister sighed with relief.
The vacation ended and Anu and her family returned to Mumbai. There was no noticeable change in her apart from the fact that she was giving into her mom's make up administrations more docilely. She had also reduced the extent to which she teased her sister about her dressing up and started to pay a little more attention to what she wore, the colours that suited her….
College had begun. Uma was waiting for her at the gates. All the way to class they chattered non stop, as they had to make up for the holidays. During classes too they continued in whispers, only stopping when really strict teachers came in. During break time, Uma sat holding her tummy, cursing the monthly female blight as she was having terrible cramps.
"I hate being a girl" she said forcefully, "You were right about it, Anu".
"Hey come on. Being a girl is not so bad.' Anu said, grinning at the look on her friend's face.
"Are you feeling alright? Did you really say that" Uma asked, astonished.
'Sure,' Anu laughed, "by the way, could you lend me that shade of lipstick, its really pretty and will match the sari I am going to wear for traditional day'.
This time Uma gagged on the water she had been drinking from the bottle and Anu rolled about laughing unable to contain herself any longer.
She wanted to tell her friend about the strange experience she had in her native place and the cute email she had received just yesterday, but then decided against it.
After all, a woman must always keep her secrets.
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