Joined: 27 May 2009
The phone was ringing. I ran to receive the call.
"hello?", I asked. there was no reply. "helloooo?", I asked again.
After a while someone answered. "hello!!", the voice sounded familiar.
"whoz this?", I asked.
"mayank.", came the reply. I had to stop myself from dropping the receiver.
"oh'.um'I'll call samrat.", I said and called samrat. I still had the receiver pressed tightly against my ear. He wasn't saying anything and nor was i. when samrat came I gave him the receiver and went to my room closing the door behind me.
It had been 5 years since I had heard his voice. Whom you may ask. Mayank'mayank sharma, an old friend. Haa!!! Friend!!! He was one person who irritated me the most even though I hadn't seen him in these 5 years.
We had been in the same class from 3rd std to 7th. He was my brothers best friend(he still is) and we were part of the same group. In 8th we got separated in different classes. Samrat and mayank were in the same class and me in a different class. Though both of us had taken French and so we met each other for those two lectures everyday. Our Few other friends had also taken French and so we used to have a lot of fun. Teasing, pranking, laughing was our routine. He used to tease me with one of our friends and I used to go "yah right!!". The smile that he used to give me after that was something I can never forget. We weren't best friends but still were good friends.
Then the last day of school came, our farewell party. I bid all my friends good-bye although I didn't find mayank anywhere. After the party I was walking with my friends when one of my friend stopped to talk to someone. I stood with them and looked around. I saw mayank standing with samrat looking at me. I smiled at him. He walked up to me suddenly and said, "so, not even a good-bye." I don't know whether it was a question or a remark. I saw pain in his eyes for some reason and also something else which I haven't been able to understand till date. I smiled at him and said, "bye mayank. All the best." He looked at me for a moment and then replied, "all the best to you too. Bye.", he said and we parted our ways. Little did I know that the goodbye was for-ever. That was the last time I saw mayank sharma.
After a few months, samart told me that mayank had moved to delhi since his father was transferred there and he wont ever be coming back to Mumbai. Something stung me then. I felt something falling inside me, leaving me. That night I cried my heart out.i don't know why I was reacting this way. I felt helpless, hopeless. I wanted to call him but didn't have the guts to do that. That day I felt that mayank was not just a friend to me but something more'far more than that. The idea of not seeing him again was impossible to accept.
Days, months and years passed. I didn't hear from him again. That last conversation is still fresh in my mind as if it happened yesterday. I usually see him online chatting with our mutual friends. But never have I tried to talk to him. Nor has he tried to contact me anytime. On my birthday my entire friends list wished me except for him. I usually hear samrat talking about him, even some of our mutual friends but I've learnt to ignore it now or so I tell myself. I have turned sour about him. He is not my friend anymore. I have tried to convince myself that I never really liked him. It was just attachment for a friend that made me upset about him leaving. I resent him now bcoz he had not even bothered to inform me that he was leaving.
But I still am not able to explain to my heart as to why I still remember every single feature of his face, his laugh, his remarks. Why does my heart skip a beat when I hear his name? why do I keep expecting him to drop in to say hi someday. Why does him not contacting me bothered me so much that I've started resenting one of my oldest friends? Why is my heart still beating so fast even after the call is over? He is not in my present, then why is he still present in me?
I don't have the answers for these questions or perhaps I do and just don't want to accept it. I know he was the only boy I ever loved but it is difficult to accept that my first love was left incomplete.
The phone was ringing.
"hello?" , said a voice on the other side. I went numb on hearing that voice. It was familiar'.way too familiar. I didn't answer.
"hellloooo?", she asked again.
I couldn't utter a word for a while but then somehow I managed to say, "hello"
"whoz this?", she asked.
"mayank", I replied.
"oh'..um 'I'll call samart.", she said and called out samrats name loudly. I pressed my ears to the receiver. The silence was awkward. I was hearing her slow breathing, it was a proof that she was there, still there, on the other side of the phone. I suddenly felt very close to her. samart then took the phone and we started talking.
I usually never called samrat on his landline. But today his cell was coming unreachable and I had to dial his landline number. She had recievd the call. It was first time in 5 years I was hearing her voice. Whom you may ask'nupur'..nupur bhushan, my best friends sister and one of my oldest friends. Hearing her voice again brought back all her memories. Ha!! As if I was able to forget her for a moment. I have been trying to stop thinking about her but cant.
I remember when we used to be in the French class together. We used to have so much fun. I would tease her with one of my friends and she would go, "yah right!!!" I used to just love the way she said that. Many a times we ganged up against samrat. we weren't best of friends but were good friends nevertheless.
I remember our last conversation. It was on the farewell day. She was walking with her friends after the party. One of her friends stopped to talk to someone and she stood there looking here and there. She suddenly caught my eyes and smiled at me. I can never forget that smile. It wasn't like it was beautiful or something. It was beautiful alright but I remember it more bcoz of the pain it caused me. I felt it was a formality she was doing. She had bid all her friends good-bye except for me. The thought that I wasn't even worth her good-bye hurt me beyond words. That smile gave me courage to confront her.
"so not even a goodbye.", I said. I was angry and hurt. she looked at me for a while and said, "bye mayank and all the best."
"all the best to you too and bye.", I said. After that we went our own ways.
I was supposed to leave for delhi as my dad was getting a transfer. Samart knew about it and I secretly hoped that he would tell nupur about it. I wanted her to call me at least one time. I didn't tell her bcoz I had still not gotten over her formal goodbye during the farewell. She didn't call nor did I call her. my stupid ego didn't allow me to do so. if she didn't bother about me leaving then why shud I bother to tell her, I had thought at that time.
That was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. If I had told her, maybe there wud have been a chance that we cud stay in contact. But by not telling her I had snapped the only chance of staying in contact with her. samart talks about her sometimes. I see her online many a times. But don't dare to drop a hi. What if she doesn't want to talk to me? What if she has forgotten me? I know I wont ever be able to take that. It was hard to leave everything behind back then and the fact that I didn't inform her still haunts me. I usually go online just to see her icon on my friends list. I feel some strange happiness seeing her online at the same time as me. Crazy you might say but that's how it is.
Today hearing her voice, I realized once again what I have lost. I have lost the only girl that affected me in a way no-one ever did. the only girl I cud be myself with. The only girl that made my heart beat faster. The only girl I ever loved. But now all that is left is this bitter-sweet longing.
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