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Do you believe in second chances?

..RamKiJanaki.. IF-Addictz

Joined: 20 August 2008
Posts: 59743

Posted: 29 September 2009 at 10:11am | IP Logged
Hey everyone,
Do you believe in giving people second chances if they betrayed your trust? How about a girl or guy you are going out with/married to? If they went behind your back and had an affair with your best friend for example, would you give them a second chance even if they say they're truly sorry and that your best friend seduced them?
Exactly how severe can betrayal be before second chances are a no no (in your opinion)?

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Lost-angel IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 29 June 2008
Posts: 11175

Posted: 29 September 2009 at 10:51am | IP Logged

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hindu4lyf IF-Rockerz

Joined: 25 March 2008
Posts: 9352

Posted: 29 September 2009 at 2:35pm | IP Logged
Do you mean second chances in general or in the scenario of gf/bf?
For me, giving second chances are soo hard. Espescially because I have a habit of holding grudges. :$ I often find it hard to forgive people, mainly because I love and trust them so much that I wouldn't expect them to go behind my back and do anything.
Now in the best friend and boyfriend scenario, I love my best friend to bits and obviously if I was getting married to a guy, I would love them to bits too! Now my best friend whom I love and trust so much, goes behind my back and tries to get with my boyfriend..ahh that's heartbreaking! More than angry, I'd be so upset, That I would've lost a good friend and a good boyfriend. If I had to come around and eventually even if I got over what happened, I know that deep down I would never be able to share that same trust with my friend/boyfriend again. There would always be that element of doubt. Maybe a few years on when he truly earns his respect, then I may not hold a grudge but otherwise, it'd always be something that would be at the back of my mind (so basically subconsciously.)
I think a person who could do such a thing to break you heart to start off with (whether that be in a relationship, friends/best friends etc), and that too in a way that is hard to forget, were never really your true friends to start off with. I mean people always do little things to upset you, but if it was something like going out with my boyfriend then they clearly put their happiness before their best friends. This goes for vice versa too. Someone who you are prepared to commit your entire life to has the guts to cheat on you like that, no self-control either. If this guy really does like my friend, then it probably wouldn't have hurt as much if he would have come clean about it and then had an affair with my best friend instead of doing it behind my back.
Thank God I am in no such situation and I hope I never will be! lol
I really should learn to forgive and forget eh? :(
Meena1 IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 27 December 2005
Posts: 27397

Posted: 29 September 2009 at 7:59pm | IP Logged

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Mindbender IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 21 October 2008
Posts: 15869

Posted: 29 September 2009 at 8:19pm | IP Logged

Talking in general for friends and people you might trust, not for the specific case-

i generally have low or rather realistic expectations and do realise that everyone has certain flaws, everyone commits certain mistakes and most importantly, what we see is only half the thing. So in effect, when someone betrays me, i might be very angry at him/her at that instant of realisation, but since i have this thinking deep down under, i'll surely like to see and think over ,when i am back to normal, as to what all led him/her to betray me or did he/she even betray me or not (I might have just misinterpreted)?!

Also, some people are too important to lose and you want to make sure you have a valid reason for not giving them a second chance else you'd regret it for the rest of your life !

But having said that, if i do give a second chance after knowing i have been betrayed , it would be a very skeptical second chance. A thread when cut cannot be joined without a knot !

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Summer3 IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 24 September 2007
Posts: 44416

Posted: 29 September 2009 at 8:36pm | IP Logged
I think we got to look at the situation. If  the person is your own family member or relative or hubby or wife you just have to keep on trying to change them unless they  really go overboard. Often we are quick to blame others so the matter has to be given due consideration. Generally I would always give them a second chance.
return_to_hades IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 18 January 2006
Posts: 24197

Posted: 29 September 2009 at 9:51pm | IP Logged
Second chances totally depend on the circumstance and the people involved. No one is perfect, humans are bound to get swayed by emotions and make a poor decision sometime or the other. When important people in your life hurt you, you definitely want to take time to weight the situation and determine what needs to be done. Maybe a second chance is warranted, maybe a second chance is not warranted.

Personally, I am more of a forgive and forget kind of person. I'd rather forgive someone that live a lifetime with the burden of a grudge or hard feelings. The relationship may never be the same as before, but I won't be unforgiving. And then as Shinedown says 'Sometimes goodbye is a second chance'.

Speaking of friends...I'd be very disappointed in my friends if they did not hit an my sig other. I'd start freaking out that my choice has gone down the drain. And knowing some of my friends, anyone I go out with has probably been there done that. LOL
Gauri_3 IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 12 November 2006
Posts: 13604

Posted: 29 September 2009 at 9:55pm | IP Logged

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