Posted: 27 September 2009 at 9:54pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by missypatel
Honestly ive been wanting to get to this since the past couple days (had watch listed this one even before i got your PM) but just couldn't get to this till now.
Yeah! NJ surely does know how to raise bars for someone in their own head huh, she does that to me all the time and i only just realized that i have one track mind when it comes to reading and criticizing. I am happy you do; it helps to have both sort of feedbacks. The appreciative and the critical :)
I read your one shot and i was like - okay good (almost overly) usage of words...befitting the thoughts and depth of the phase and has a concept going somewhere but i just can't seem to guess or knowledge even from the writing where to..! For me...it started with something concrete, shifted to another base and ended with an unknown end.
Maybe thats what one shots are meant to be like. Ok, as dumb as I can get, I didn't really get what you are implying: Is it the unknown end that didn't go down well? For if thats the case, I'd say that because it was Armaan's flow of thoughts at a given time, an unknown ending seemed like the natural conclusion to me. I wanted to end it on an accepting note on his part, the future yet unknown to him at that point in time.
And i was hesitating in commenting...cause as you might know i don't think twice when it comes to NJs update...i say what i feel (diplomatic sugar-good comments make me sweat) and we have never exchanged even the basic intros that i could freely say what i thought until i scrolled down to read some of the comments. Pebbz' comment did it for me i think (the realization i mentioned before)..! To be honest I thought twice before sending you a pm myself, mainly coz as you said we haven't really exchanged intros, but then the selfish part in me that craved for a critical review took over and I pmed nevertheless :D
So on second thoughts (in my mind and in writing :P) it was a good "one-shot". I still maintain, it was heavy on words cause it sidelines the reality of the thoughts in a way...like ones put so much effort (even if they haven't) in constructing the right moment and period (and not what acutually processed in their mind)...!! Thanks Nijal! This was something that wouldn't have struck me and I am happy it did to you. My only excuse for it is that having been actively into making papers on economics where the langauge is as important as the content, I have become habitual to penning down stuff heavy on words. But you are right, thoughts don't realistically come framed that way to us and I'll try my level best to take care of it next time :)
The link..between the accusation-his thoughts-family-shashank's neighbour-tears (oh no! ??)-ridz...was very well put together for just so much (would have liked you to stretch on it a bit more)...! Glad you liked the link; as for stretching the thing a bit more, as far as his family is concerned it has been used just as a means to show him trying to escape the obvious, Shashank being even more inconsequential and finally Ridhima, I agree I could have been elaborate about their realtionship and the momentary pain. Again didn't strike me, I was too busy making Armaan realize quickly enough :D
I liked Armaan getting up and turning around and having seated at the spot again (tons!)...it was i for me the real thing. I know what you mean about it being real, its what I would have done!
Hope to have you write many such more like these...it was an awesome start! Thanks! :)
ps: i told nj i am in double mind to whether post this or not..cuz it shouldn't make much sense (unnecessary stuff) but something decided for me...and i did...(i hope it didn't come out THAT bad coming from one who has NO credibility of this stuff in writing of its own :D) I am overjoyed you did! I really wanted you to read and review beacuse somewhere I knew you wouldn't mince words and I hope you haven't coz I really wish to know the flaws before I even think of writing another.
Thanks again for the honest review!