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Beyond the Dark Clouds - An AR one shot (Page 4)

smriti.tweety Senior Member
smriti.tweety
smriti.tweety

Joined: 13 August 2006
Posts: 238

Posted: 27 September 2009 at 1:44am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Steff_DMG

Reserved

LOVE the title,
coming back in a bit


*Edited*

You had me mesmerized, WOW, you have done so much justice in here, your first one, it shows you have put in lot of efforts for this piece of work, beautiful, the words in there are so well put, beautifully carved, that's the beauty of an artist, Approve When i look at it, it seems simple and just like something out there, but the depth in it in unmeasurable, Well Done Smrithi, an official welcome to you i the FF zone,LOL hoping to see more from you, Wink

CheerzThumbs Up

Love

Steff Hug




Hey Steffi!!!!

Thanks for taking out time to read and comment on my first attempt. :D
Kudos to NJ for suggesting the title; its turned out to be quite a blessing!
I am delighted that you think I did justice with it and yes even though the time invested in writing this one was a few hours, I can now fully appreciate the task at hand for the writers to pen down an update!
I am flattered at being called an artist, but really it takes a lot more than a one shot to enter the category :)
Glad that you appreciate the depth of their relation; I had really wanted to get it right!
Thanks again for the lovely comment and the welcome! Lets see when I can come up with something new! :)

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spln

smriti.tweety Senior Member
smriti.tweety
smriti.tweety

Joined: 13 August 2006
Posts: 238

Posted: 27 September 2009 at 1:48am | IP Logged
@ Maanu : Thanks again! I am delighted to know you think I succeeded. :D

@ Mar : Thanks! :D

smriti.tweety Senior Member
smriti.tweety
smriti.tweety

Joined: 13 August 2006
Posts: 238

Posted: 27 September 2009 at 2:15am | IP Logged
Originally posted by k_anjali12

awesome one dear!!

 
will be waiting for ur next writings!!


Thanks Anjali!
I am glad you liked it! Lets see when the next one happens! :)
ammy-ridz Goldie
ammy-ridz
ammy-ridz

Joined: 08 January 2009
Posts: 1231

Posted: 27 September 2009 at 5:28am | IP Logged
 
Hi ....
If it's your first attempt..I confess I have never seen such a great Result.
I just loved the way you worded the Emotions. You , it's not very easy for someone, to make you visualise something so deeply . You actually had me hooked to the fic when I read the First para of I should say Sentence. Your sentences with personification left me craving for More.Armaan's side of story and his thoughts,analysis, emotions, state of mind..I coud almost empathise with the whole stuff.  It's my sincere request that I want to read much much more from you in the coming future.Plzzzzz
Thanx for that Dashing!!  one shot.*clap*clap*clap*
*Edit*
I m thankful to Nj and Neetz for encouraging you or else we would have definitely a very good writter.


Edited by ammy-ridz - 27 September 2009 at 5:35am

The following 2 member(s) liked the above post:

smriti.tweetyspln

smriti.tweety Senior Member
smriti.tweety
smriti.tweety

Joined: 13 August 2006
Posts: 238

Posted: 27 September 2009 at 6:35am | IP Logged
Originally posted by ammy-ridz

 
Hi ....
If it's your first attempt..I confess I have never seen such a great Result.
I just loved the way you worded the Emotions. You , it's not very easy for someone, to make you visualise something so deeply . You actually had me hooked to the fic when I read the First para of I should say Sentence. Your sentences with personification left me craving for More.Armaan's side of story and his thoughts,analysis, emotions, state of mind..I coud almost empathise with the whole stuff.  It's my sincere request that I want to read much much more from you in the coming future.Plzzzzz
Thanx for that Dashing!!  one shot.*clap*clap*clap*
*Edit*
I m thankful to Nj and Neetz for encouraging you or else we would have definitely a very good writter.


Hey Ammy-Ridz!!!! ( I am sorry I don't know your name)

Thanks for a really sweet comment! It boosts my confidence to know that I had you hooked! :D
Its equally wonderful to know that you could empathize with Armaan, again it adds to my happiness for I wanted the reader to be able to understand his flow of thoughts.
I will try my best to come up with something! I hope I am able to meet your expectations next time round!
As for Neeta and NJ; if I could meet them then I'd surely love to give them a big bear hug! :D
Thanks again!

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spln

bheegi IF-Sizzlerz
bheegi
bheegi

Joined: 05 June 2006
Posts: 23844

Posted: 27 September 2009 at 3:23pm | IP Logged
Hey great job Smriti! Thanks for sending the PM. You write really well. The flow of words and thoughts was wonderful. Why don't you attempt a full fledged ff next....it's great to have new talent on board.

ClapClapClap
Clap

Edited by bheegi - 27 September 2009 at 3:25pm

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

smriti.tweety

smriti.tweety Senior Member
smriti.tweety
smriti.tweety

Joined: 13 August 2006
Posts: 238

Posted: 27 September 2009 at 8:45pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by bheegi

Hey great job Smriti! Thanks for sending the PM. You write really well. The flow of words and thoughts was wonderful. Why don't you attempt a full fledged ff next....it's great to have new talent on board.

ClapClapClap
Clap


Hey di!!!!!

Thanks for taking out time for this one! I am really honored that you liked it!
As for attempting a full fledged one, I am not sure if I am creative enough for that! :D
Thanks again for reviewing di!

Love
Smriti
pickytg Goldie
pickytg
pickytg

Joined: 23 September 2007
Posts: 2266

Posted: 27 September 2009 at 8:54pm | IP Logged

Heya Smriti!

Honestly ive been wanting to get to this since the past couple days (had watch listed this one even before i got your PM) but just couldn't get to this till now.

Yeah! NJ surely does know how to raise bars for someone in their own head huh, she does that to me all the time and i only just realized that i have one track mind when it comes to reading and criticizing.
I read your one shot and i was like - okay good (almost overly) usage of words...befitting the thoughts and depth of the phase and has a concept going somewhere but i just can't seem to guess or knowledge even from the writing where to..! For me...it started with something concrete, shifted to another base and ended with an unknown end.
Maybe thats what one shots are meant to be like.

And i was hesitating in commenting...cause as you might know i don't think twice when it comes to NJs update...i say what i feel (diplomatic sugar-good comments make me sweat) and we have never exchanged even the basic intros that i could freely say what i thought until i scrolled down to read some of the comments. Pebbz' comment did it for me i think (the realization i mentioned before)..!

So on second thoughts (in my mind and in writing :P) it was a good "one-shot". I still maintain, it was heavy on words cause it sidelines the reality of the thoughts in a way...like ones put so much effort (even if they haven't) in constructing the right moment and period (and not what acutually processed in their mind)...!!
The link..between the accusation-his thoughts-family-shashank's neighbour-tears (oh no!)-ridz...was very well put together for just so much (would have liked you to stretch on it a bit more)...!

I liked Armaan getting up and turning around and having seated at the spot again (tons!)...it was i for me the real thing.

Hope to have you write many such more like these...it was an awesome start!

ps: i told nj i am in double mind to whether post this or not..cuz it shouldn't make much sense (unnecessary stuff) but something decided for me...and i did...(i hope it didn't come out THAT bad coming from one who has NO credibility of this stuff in writing of its own :D)

~nijaL



Edited by missypatel - 27 September 2009 at 9:06pm

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smriti.tweety

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