Posted: 26 September 2009 at 9:37pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by splnThanks again NJ!
aite! here i am... such a randomly disarrayed sat... woke up at 5, and hence the prompt reply to your PM :D ... Thanks for that! I was pleasantly surprised at the quickie!showered cooked ate... then at 9 i was sleeping again... ish!! seriously, i need to see a doc, so nij just told me, n i guess u can go tell your armaan i'm willing to be the second to trust him :P happily!! :D Ha! You are the third in line; you forget as a writer I chose to trust him :D
and yeh, to serious commenting now. the one and only line i mentioned in the PM, i like the simplicity of the idea very much! I am glad you did! a natural reaction/instinct from all the chars, major or minor in the roles they essayed, mostly befitting.. and technically on my first read, the only thing i saw was, what you mentioned in an edited ps now, the speech amiss..! which really is quite ignorable that on a first shot, and one quite well done! Thanks NJ! I am still not sure I have edited all of them!
i also like the comparison to a storm outside with his inner turmoil. and the final ray of hope...The comparision bit was the only clear bit in my mind when I decided to pen this down, the ending something that came to me just then, literally when I made Armaan look up to thank god! :D there are bits in para 1, which i only upon this second read at a bare interval chanced to think so about, which can be either done away with or paraphrased with more brevity (and wow! watch who's talks of brief descriptions! u can be fairly mad at me for this, it was just my realization of what i often struggle with in my own writing, trying to cut down and still make a point...) still! :) I can totally understand the pointless attempt at being precise; I for one am known for my inability to to cut down on words! I'd still like to know though which bits you felt could be done a way with or ohrased better.the words were a flow, and i found myself quite into the whole scene and the way it looked...
my favorite line was Ridhima's single, "...i'm glad it didn't take you much time to decide..." liked it much! I actually changed that line twice before settling for this one. From ' I knew I'd Find you here' to 'I've been watching you for sometime now', I just couldn't seem to get it right! Somehow both these appeared to shallow for the depth I was trying to portray. i am glad you liked it, this was a crucial point in the fic and the one line could have made all the difference in the what the reader made out of the one shot!
and yeh, thats most of it!
ps: smriti, i have to admit as i read the first lines, i thought 1. it was ridhima which made me think of the dmg scene and it was such a pleasant contradiction to see armaan there. Funnily I started writing it with Ridhima in my mind but by the end of the first para I decided to give Armaan a chance :Dand 2. that his patient had died and it that he suffered from... the whole scenario u used, was so unexpected for my inevitable assumptions, you take a 10/10 on giving every bit of what would never occur to me naturally! :)
I seem to get quite a kick at coming up with something you didn't expect :D Jokes apart, thanks a ton for time out for this one.
pps: really, the title, is all yours!... :) Na! The credit goes to you for coming up with one that seems to be an eyecatcher!
ppps: haven't seen the VM yet, can't locate my damn head phones, *:x*
I am humbled by your detailed and appreciative review. It surely made my day!
P.s. Thanks for giving me the confidence to post this one!
Edited by smriti.tweety - 26 September 2009 at 11:48pm