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Beyond the Dark Clouds - An AR one shot

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smriti.tweety

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smriti.tweety

Joined: 13 August 2006

Posts: 238

Posted: 26 September 2009 at 8:20am | IP Logged

Hey everyone!!!!!Big smile This one is my first attempt at writing any fiction. The credit for this coming up is twin split; Neeta, whose insistence and faith in my ability lead to this one and NJ who gave me the confidence to be able to post it here. NJ also happens to be the one who suggested the title. Thanks a ton guys! A big hug to both of you for all the support!

p.s. Hey Neeta! I hope I don't fail your expected standards miserably!

 



Beyond the Dark Clouds

 

The waves around me crash thunderously, the approaching storm seemingly relentless in its fury. I sweep my gaze across the sky, the dense cluster of dark clouds promised rough weather ahead but to me it feels like only a miniscule reflection of the turbulence within. I will the tears to come, to help ease the stifling pain but they fail me just like I seemed to have failed the trust that had been placed in me. Didn't anyone take a moment to deliberate on the torture of being accused of treachery with one's profession? Profession isn't even the word that befits; after my parent's death it's the fuel that drove my life! I remember with painstaking ease the moment I received the notice, shock seemed to have numbed me of any reaction and now the accusation feels like a pin prick in face of the events that followed. Their hostile expressions etched in my mind just like those of others, I recall, the humiliating words my family had hauled at me:

 

" Armaan, how could you? To fake an operation on a dead body! How low can you stoop?"

 

" Agreed the finances are tight, but to resort to such levels for money! Disgusting!"

 

" Didn't you realize the disgrace you would bring to the family name? Its become difficult to move out even though the court's notice and your suspension letter came only this morning!"

 

Vehemently I try to persuade myself that my own family's refusal to believe my constant pleas at being innocent is causing the agony. Claims of the patient being alive when I started the operation seemed to have fallen on deaf ears. The suspension letter was to be expected; after all the hospital authorities had a conduct and procedure to follow and they obviously didn't want me at the hospital after the court's order. Just like tears, my attempt at escaping the obvious fails miserably. 'My family' Hah! The words have always been a mockery! Who am I kidding? It wasn't as if they have ever shown any affection or love towards me. My upbringing has all throughout been sponsored by my parent's insurance. The only reason my relatives had taken me under guardianship was to ensure that a part of the insurance flowed as income stream to their family. No! There is definitely no love lost between us. Then why am I hurting so much? Groping about for anything other than what I know but dare not admit proves futile. Family was only an excuse I was using to evade the indisputable source of the mounting grief:

Ridhima! The love of my life; maybe my life itself!

 

Not surprisingly hers was the first name that came to me after receiving the notice and letter. Countless calls and voice mails later I still couldn't get through to her. She hadn't reported for duty either. Worried at her phone being switched off all day and no response on the landline I gave it a final shot before heading for her place. I wanted to assure myself that her parents would be fine with my visit given their gossiping neighbors. Her father answered the phone just before I was about to hang up. Before I could offer my greetings he gravely said: 

 

" I am sure you must have been trying the landline since morning. We were all at Ridzy's grandmother's place to escape the neighbor's constant tirade of questions. This is when all they know of you is as Ridzy's friend. Ridhima knew you would trouble her with your calls and that's precisely why she switched off her phone. Please don't add to her ignominy of being associated with you! She doesn't wish to be in any sort of contact with you! Don't bother to call again"

 

 

The tears finally flow unchecked but relief seems like a distant dream. To say that I am devastated would be grossly understating it. I had blindly believed that she of all the people would understand. Wasn't trust the first and most important stepping stone in a relationship and that too when the relation is that of love? Is that all she knew about me after five years? Five years of innumerable memorable times with her, of sharing confidences, dreams and life per se. Existing and living would still have been synonyms in my dictionary had she not come into my life. I opened my heart, wounded from my parent's early demise to her and she diligently mended it with her love only to now leave me worse than what I had been. As her desertion replays itself, my chain of thoughts come to an abrupt halt!

Her father and not Ridhima herself had voiced those thoughts to me!

What have I been thinking? So lost am I in my own grief that it hadn't for a moment registered in my mind. Of course Ridhima's father like all others around me would like to be disassociated! That didn't necessarily convey any similar feelings on her behalf! I cursed out loud! How different am I from others if all it takes is another's words to shake my belief? Isn't that the very thing I have become a victim of? Who am I to question her trust when I haven't kept faith myself?

 

Admonishing myself for having allowed the seeds of doubt to take root even for a few moments I make up my mind to go clear things with her. Turning around I see her making way towards me. Sitting down and watching her tread gingerly on the rocks, I feel profound relief spreading through all of me! At that moment it comes to me that there isn't a need for any explanations, the very fact that she is here is all that matters. Everything else is too trifling to be bothered with. I know that she would tell me all about it, but it has now become insignificant in light of the strength of our relation. All adversities could be faced with her by my side! I feet her plant a soft kiss on my forehead as she settles down next to me.

     

              " I am glad it didn't take you much time to decide "

 

Of course she would have expected me to misunderstand. It fills my heart with a bubble of joy that she had known, given me the space and waited. Yes, she knew, just like a part of me had known and hoped subconsciously that she would! Placing my forehead in touch with hers I look up to thank my god! As if on cue the sunrays make their final appearance felt before the sun sets and the storm rolls in; a huge dark cloud shines beautifully with its silver lining. I guess it is true what they say about the famous dark cloud having its silver lining! The dark cloud of my life too had welcomed Ridhima's presence as a silver lining till she had spread her light to the very depth of my soul! Life would take its own course, the ups and downs were all welcome, the journey an inevitable joy with her to share it with! 

                                    _________________________________________

 

 

The credit for the video mix below goes to: neelu21

By the time I finished writing the one shot the song automatically came to me, seems like the perfect fit here:


                           KASH Video mix - Jab Koi Baat Bigad

 

 

 

                                   __________________________________________

 

Since its my first go at something of this sort I would really appreciate honest reviews. Irrespective of how many flaws you seem to find (which I am sure will be many), I'd love a feedback that would help me improve. Thanks again to all those who take time to read this one!

Edit: I just realized that there were a few places where I had mixed the active and the passive voice! I am surprise and glad that none of the readers noticed! lol :D

Love

Smriti

 

 

 



Edited by smriti.tweety - 27 September 2009 at 2:32am

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shonaveer

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Posted: 26 September 2009 at 8:24am | IP Logged
r

U-No-Poo

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Posted: 26 September 2009 at 8:34am | IP Logged
Reserved! :D
 
Yay! You finally posted this! Woohoo! Dancing
 
P.S - The title is awesome Approve
 
*Edit - Me here! Sorry about the late comment Smriti :( Btw, I must tell you beforehand that I'm not good with long comments, so don't be dissappointed if it's not as good as I probably want it to be.
 
Ok, coming to the story, One word - Beautiful. Star
 
Reading Armaan's POV instead of Ridhima's was a refreshing change, not to mention that you penned his thoughts beautifully. I liked how you dwelled less on the problem and more on it's consequences :) One of the best things about this one shot is the fact that Armaan is flawed and deep down he admits it, it gives a very humane touch to the story.
 
The ending para was lovely. Every could does indeed, have a silver lining Approve My fav line -
"As if on cue the sunrays make their final appearance felt before the sun sets and the storm rolls in; a huge dark cloud shines beautifully with its silver lining."
 
ClapClap
 
You did an awesome job Smriti! I knew you had it in you =) Star And no, you did not fail my expectations, infact you surpassed them by great lengths! Clap Looking forward to more one shots from you :D
 
Lots of Love
Neeta :D


Edited by -Neetz- - 28 September 2009 at 1:23am

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smriti.tweety

iTangled_25

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Posted: 26 September 2009 at 8:55am | IP Logged
Reserved

LOVE the title,
coming back in a bit


*Edited*

You had me mesmerized, WOW, you have done so much justice in here, your first one, it shows you have put in lot of efforts for this piece of work, beautiful, the words in there are so well put, beautifully carved, that's the beauty of an artist, Approve When i look at it, it seems simple and just like something out there, but the depth in it in unmeasurable, Well Done Smrithi, an official welcome to you i the FF zone,LOL hoping to see more from you, Wink

CheerzThumbs Up

Love

Steff Hug



Edited by Steff_DMG - 26 September 2009 at 11:27pm

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smriti.tweety

aditi...

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aditi...

Joined: 29 November 2008

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Posted: 26 September 2009 at 8:59am | IP Logged
Reserved!

k_anjali12

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k_anjali12

Joined: 28 March 2009

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Posted: 26 September 2009 at 9:23am | IP Logged

awesome one dear!!

 
will be waiting for ur next writings!!


Edited by k_anjali12 - 27 September 2009 at 2:03am

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smriti.tweety

Pebblez

Goldie

Pebblez

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Posted: 26 September 2009 at 9:33am | IP Logged
Hey there, Smriti!!
 
Owing to the fact all others are still in the 'reserved' zone, i'd say um the first one to comment :D...! You said it was your first attempt at writing? Then damn right, it was one of the best first one shots i have ever read! :D you are amazing girl...you have this knack of holding out the reader till the very end. It was a unique concept, well written, intriguing...and had eveyrhting right! Welcome to the forum girl, i am SO looking forward to reading more stuff from you...i sense great potential ;)
 
An awesome read overall, Smriti...:) loved it!
 
Kiran

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smriti.tweety

nondescript

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Posted: 26 September 2009 at 9:34am | IP Logged
You know what I LOVE about the fan fiction section on India Forums, is that we get to see a breath of fresh air once in a while, and its writers like you that put a smile to my face. You penned the thoughts playing in his mind so well, that one couldn't help but visualize. A futher aspect which I enjoyed reading was the way you described their relationship, How words seemed insignificant and the way they understood one an other.

I also liked the title. I open a good fiction based on the title and yours was intriguing.

Peace Out
Much Love Hannahxx

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smriti.tweety

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