HARRY POTTER FAN-FIC---CONT. FROM BOOK 6

Harry is at the Dursley's. It is his 17th birthday.

Vernon: When will you be leaving here?

Harry: Soon enough. It is not like I want to stay here.

Vernon smirks.

Harry goes and packs his trunk. He gets all of his b'day presents and stuffs everythiing in his trunk.

Harry: Lets go Hedwig. Freedom awaits us!

Hedwig hoots happily.

Harry goes out the house and there starts his jouney as an adult!

The Knight Bus is waiting for him.

Stan: Mr. Potter, where would you like to go?

Harry: The Burrow!

Stan: The burrow it is!

Tje KNight bus whizzes and whizzes.

Stan: Did you hear?

Harry: Hear what exactly?

Stan: The-Dark-Lords Servants are searching the whole town for any wizards who are not willing to be on his side.

Harry gulped.

Stan: They have kiled 1/4 of the wizard town. You know Freda and George Weasly?

Harry: Of course I know them. What happened.

Stan: Their joke shop was turned into shambles.

Harry couldn't help feeling sad and miserable.

Stan: You do know what they are actually after--don't you?

Harry: me...

Ernie: The burrow

Harry takes all of his belongings and steps outside. Hewalks to the door and opens it. He is shocked to see the house ransacked!

---------------------------------

PLEASE TELL ME HOW IT WAS AND IF I SHOULD CONTINUE.


Edited by Kshitij+Khumud - 18 years ago

Pretty good work.

Maybe you should try using direct speech to bring across the speech, instead of using the Harry: method. You could say something like:

   Harry Potter was at the Dursley's on his seventeenth birthday.
   "When will you be leaving here?" Vernon asked him.
   "Soon enough," Harry replied, "It's not like I want to stay here anyway."
   Vernon smirked as Harry went up to pack his trunks.

... etc.

Originally posted by: *Rashmi*

Pretty good work.

Maybe you should try using direct speech to bring across the speech, instead of using the Harry: method. You could say something like:

   Harry Potter was at the Dursley's on his seventeenth birthday.
   "When will you be leaving here?" Vernon asked him.
   "Soon enough," Harry replied, "It's not like I want to stay here anyway."
   Vernon smirked as Harry went up to pack his trunks.

... etc.

THANX FOR THE IDEA!

good job!!! 😊 😛 😉 i cant wait soooo
HURRRY UPPP!!!!!! 😃   😃

Nice fanfic, really nice!
Will be waiting for the next chappie! 😊

Great...Plz continue... 😊

hey gr8 work....Kshitij+Khumud though I would have loved it had u used Rashmi's idea.

I have got one suggestion though if you don't mind. Could you please repost this story in the Fan Fic Section. That would be the right place to post it.

keep it up gr8 work,
regards,

tejas

kool ... thanks.. waitin 4 more

Originally posted by: albusdumbledore

hey gr8 work....Kshitij+Khumud though I would have loved it had u used Rashmi's idea.

I have got one suggestion though if you don't mind. Could you please repost this story in the Fan Fic Section. That would be the right place to post it.

keep it up gr8 work,
regards,

tejas

I DID!

I agree with what Rashmi said. That was a good suggestion. I have a few more suggestions.

1) Add some literary devices(similes, metaphors, alliterations, hyperbole). It makes it flow by smoothly and adds some interest.

2) Go a little slower. Harry leaves the house in the first two lines of your fanfic. Try adding some more in.

3) Make your chapters a little longer. Readers get more attatched to longer chapters and stories.

Other than that, you have a great story going! Update soon!