Why divorce is so common these days

What are your thoughts:

- is it lack of commitment
- lack of understanding
- very high expectations
- Family pressure
- lack of tolerance

There could be any number of reasons for the rise in the divorce rate in recent times. One reason could be that divorce is more socially acceptable to more people now.  Another reason could be that fewer people belong to religions that oppose divorce and/or fewer people following rules of religion. Another factor could be that in the past more people stayed in situations that today are considered abusive, and the increased awareness of what constitutes abuse and why leaving is desirable, could play a rule as well.

Thing is, back in those days (when the divorce rate was comparatively lower than today), were people happy with their marriage[s] or were forced into staying and keeping a stable family due to other, external pressures?

For instance (just an example), women today can get along with their life without having a husband to look after them; they can wage wars, earn livings, and look after themselves without any problem. But back in those days, it wasn't easy for women to stay alone. They were mostly uneducated, sometimes even illiterate, and incapable of working of their own (mostly due to social prejudices). They had to rely on their husband for even taking a step in the street. Which is why, despite of many women being unhappy with their marital life, had to stay with their husband, as they had no other means. That does not, however, mean that there were a great deal more of understanding, tolerance, commitment then; it just means that divorce then was a sort of taboo, something that was beyond people's imagination.

Of course, the above is an example. It is very much possible that people in the past had better understanding, tolerance and commitment, than they have now (though, personally, I find that highly unlikely; why should tolerance and understanding decline with time, when, frankly, we are  advancing?). I could be wrong about the way I described the above scenario, too. No doubt we had powerful women in the past as well, but the point I was trying to make was that, that the average women weren't in a very good position to give a divorce like they can today. And my apologies for using only women as an example. Men, too, face problem with their wives, (but I was trying to give the easiest and most common example, that came to me while I was typing).

So, assuming that in the past divorce rates were low simply because it was a social taboo to get divorced, or that they had no other means but to stay together (meaning that they had broken marriages and families, something much worse than a divorce or divorced people), I see no problem of divorce being so prevalent today. It's way, way better to get divorced and live your life the way you want to, without being chained to someone whom you do not love, than being tied to someone against your will (just to get social approval), and making each others life a living hell.

With that said, if, however, divorce rates weren't low due to a forced commitment of staying together, but rather, due to the fact that there really were understanding, commitment and tolerance before, then it is a reason to worry. If divorce rates keep on increasing in this extent, then it can have a drastic effect/impact on the society. For instance, couples divorcing when they have got a child already...the child is most likely to suffer from psychological distress.

It's a very interesting topic, and I would be willing to write and research more into this issue. Thanks for making it. I have to go offline now, though.


Edited by PhoeniXof_Hades - 10 August 2009 at 5:30am

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Interesting. some of the reasons in USA for divorce

Common reasons that cause people to think about or want to get a divorce:

Couple has conflicting personal beliefs
Couple's marital satisfaction decreases
Desertion
Adultery
Cruel treatment
Bigamy
Imprisonment
Spousal Indignities
Institutionalization

• Irretrievable Breakdown of some kind

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Edited by mahikhan - 10 August 2009 at 10:32am

basically all the reasons u stated above. one has to think alot about the above reasons before marriage is even considered coz marriage shud be a once in a lifetime experience and that shud be it

In the past across all cultures more marriages were arranged. Even in progressive cultures women were still the weaker sex and dependent on the men. Many were uneducated, confined to their homes, not socially mingled. That's why most women accepted their fate as is and did not dare to risk their marriage in any way. People were expected to make marriages work and sacrifice for the sake of their community or family. Men and women both would feel compelled to overlook major ideological differences and conflicts. Marriages also took place within certain social spheres, communities or within specific regions so there were not as many background differences to overcome.

 

The most significant and important change is that women are no longer dependent on their husbands or families. Women who end up in unhappy marriages are not hesitant to get out of it. Another aspect with women being more independent is that some men are taken aback by their independence. Various issues like career, education, income, past relationships, socialization come up, and people who are unable to sort that friction end up divorcing.

 

Society has also grown a lot more individualistic. People no longer feel compelled to self sacrifice their interests for the sake of their family. People are more quick to speak up or conflict over differences and make certain demands. In old fashioned marriages if people dislike habits, or feel neglected, are offended by attitudes they would deal with it – nowadays people will speak up – hey I need you to spend more time with us, I wish you did not throw your clothes about or leave the kitchen in a mess, I wish you would be so arrogant to people. If such differences are unsorted it ends up in divorce.

 

Finally with cross cultural relationships you have a lot of background differences. People are crossing wider barriers like religion, class, country, culture. These barriers make marriages more difficult. People think they can cross them, but in practice it can be hard. Even people married for several years are unable to sustain the marriage when their spouses jobs take them to different countries. In the past one person would deal with it, but nowadays fewer people will accept to be alienated in a new culture.

 

In many aspects the ability to divorce is a positive change and trend. Compatibility is essential on physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual levels for any relationship. A happy marriage and family needs there to be genuine love, compatibility, compromise and commitment. In the past many marriages existed as arranged institutions. People stuck together simply due to obligation, they had no love for their spouses or genuine happiness or interest in the marriage or family. I'm not saying that loving happy marriages did not exist, but a large number of people would remain married for the sake of it –and that's not the best situation. Divorce has allowed the ability to end poor, abusive relationships as well as farcial relationships.

 

However, it is true that too many people take divorce for granted. Sometimes people selfishly ignore the simplest of compromises and pick arguments for divorce for the smallest reason. People are also not thinking enough before marriage. They get carried away by the spur of emotions and the romanticism of the relationship – that they do not think through if they can genuinely sustain that relationship.

 

Marriage is no game. Think twice before making a decision. Take the step only when you are ready to make that commitment to the rest of your life. But if you make the mistake, own up right away – don't wait till its too late and there are too many hurt sentiments.