Chhoti Bahu - Sawar Ke Rang Rachi
Chhoti Bahu - Sawar Ke Rang Rachi

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FF- A Silent Song (Pt 55; Pg56 on Sep 13) (Page 2)

rkath Goldie
rkath
rkath

Joined: 11 October 2007
Posts: 1285

Posted: 31 July 2009 at 5:48pm | IP Logged
aww feel sorry for vishaka
maybe she will start singing again with keshav around
cant wait to read more
cont soon
 
raji
radev24 IF-Sizzlerz
radev24
radev24

Joined: 28 June 2009
Posts: 21388

Posted: 31 July 2009 at 9:04pm | IP Logged

Hi M, the story is proceeding very smoothly and nicely. Seems you've had soft touch for Vish right from the beginning to come up with this storyline which highlights the problems this CB faces, as opposed to tez tarrar fake CB Vish. Sawal ye uthta hai is whether you have your own reasons swirling in your mind to portray a meek, shy, humble kind of Vish. 

I  also like Kesh angle as a bro, so maji can relax and bahu ko thodi azaadi mil sake. Who knows coming to temple is a good sign since masterji's sonu-like singer also happens to be there. Wonder if there's going to be a kanha in your story, but I was going to say.... who knows kanha bhi yehi chhahte  hon ki dono ki phir se mulaqat karana zaroori hai.... Interesting that here also Dev is ajnabee to her, for different set of circumstances, etc.
 
The playback singer wala idea is right up my alley, which is what attracted me when I read part 1... I mean, this is genius to be able to write like this..... (Send me an autographed copy when your next book  is published !!!)
 
Somehow I get the feeling (sixth sense ?!) that parts of the story may have actually happened in someone's life, someone you personally know..... just a hunch...... no worry.......
 
Yaar, do continue.....
 
 
~ P ~
 
_____________________
Life is beautiful !!!
 

 

 

blokes Goldie
blokes
blokes

Joined: 26 May 2009
Posts: 2436

Posted: 31 July 2009 at 10:56pm | IP Logged
Vishaka recognizes her "reason" for life- her swadharma earlier in her life. She cannot be punished for that. We worship Meera for leaving behind everything and becoming a jogan. Vishaka wants to leave behind everything for her music (in my story)- but she is struggling with that ultimate acknowledgment of her 'truth"!

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radev24

gauranitai Goldie
gauranitai
gauranitai

Joined: 23 June 2009
Posts: 1693

Posted: 01 August 2009 at 6:08am | IP Logged
Hey great update, kerep going
blokes Goldie
blokes
blokes

Joined: 26 May 2009
Posts: 2436

Posted: 01 August 2009 at 11:47am | IP Logged
Part 3

Ritu. Ritz. Wonder what you are doing right now, thought Dev. It had been almost 6 months since he had returned to India for a short visit and had ended up staying forever.

He had been a carefree, on your face kinda guy, deliriously in love with Ritz, a fey-like being, especially made for him. He had promised Ritz that on his return from his 2 week visit, they would marry and buy that beautiful little home near Half Moon Bay.

He still remembered that day he had come home from the airport: He had found his father almost collapsing with the cancer eating him away silently. He could not believe the spry old man shrunk in his bed was his father who had a roar of a laughter and had made people stand when he entered a room by his sheer power that he emanated.

"Why didn't you tell me, Mom, Dad," he had ranted. "I would have come back sooner."

All Dad had said was, "Son, you are back. Good, now all will be well."

Mother was crying all over his shoulder. Dev had been devastated seeing her become a watering pot, needing all the support she could get from Dev. She was a shadow of her old gracious self, ever smiling and with a twinkle in her eyes.

She also shared with him the serious threat of losing the patrimony to the wastrel cousins- Susheel and his good-for-nothing son, Arjun. The way the inheritance was set up, if the current son abdicated his position as heir to Raj Prohit, then the next in line would be offered the position. Dev knew that Susheel uncle had been quietly awaiting this moment all his life.

Dev knew the immensity of the Raj Prohit position and the amount of work it involved and the range of people and their lives it impacted. During his vacations he had assisted dad on several small projects and he had interacted with several people in various sites administered by the Prohit Trust across the northern states from Rajasthan to Uttar Pradesh.

He had made that fateful call to Ritz that very evening and told her that he may have to postpone his return as all was not well with his father. Ritu had been most understanding, the dear girl.

When the wedding was fixed, he did not know how to break the news to her. Yet, he knew he owed it to her. It was the most difficult thing he had ever done. He had called her at home at the time she would have snuggled up in bed and had held the phone for several minutes not speaking a word with tears silently running down his cheeks.

" Dev, it is you, I know. Why are you crying? How is your dad doing? Hope he is alright. Speak Dev. What is the matter? Why are you silent. I know from the sound of your breathing that you are not okay," cried Ritz.

Dev just said, "Ritz...".

"Please, tell me what is troubling you. We can work it out together. Do you want me to come there? I just need to drive up to the City tomorrow and give my passport to the Consulate. I can fly out next week."

He found his voice and blurted out, "No Ritz. It is all over. Dad is terminally ill. I have to take over the entire function of the Prohit Trust and all that it entails. The position comes with a wife picked in the traditional way. Mother has already chosen a most suitable girl. I told her about you but you do not fit the definition of the perfect "Bahu".

It was now Ritz' turn to be silent. She could not believe it. She thought that she had heard wrong. Her Dev was to marry someone else? That could not be happening. Slowly reality seeped in and she hesitated, "Dev, are you saying that you need to marry some girl that you have never met? Are you never coming back here? Please tell me I heard wrong."

"No sweets, I will be marrying a girl whom I have never met before, next week. I wish, by some miracle that girl will be you. But, I know it is not going to happen. Our dream has ended. It is time for us to wake up."

Both had clung to their phones and cried silently into the night, for Ritz, and day, for Dev.


Dev shrugged off those old memories and stood up forcefully from his chair at work. The administrator from Varanasi said his traditional, "Namaste!" and left the room. The talk of the Vasant Ritu celebration had brought Ritu to mind. His Ritz.


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Nabesasanafshachoudhary.aavi28tes_v1sigridpop77radev24

gauranitai Goldie
gauranitai
gauranitai

Joined: 23 June 2009
Posts: 1693

Posted: 01 August 2009 at 12:35pm | IP Logged
loved it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Clap
-RushTrip- IF-Rockerz
-RushTrip-
-RushTrip-

Joined: 19 May 2009
Posts: 8967

Posted: 01 August 2009 at 12:58pm | IP Logged
there's this poignancy to this tale....which..envelopes you...

i feel the emotions around each character and it is developing amazingly well...

love it... pls update fast.

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radev24

blokes Goldie
blokes
blokes

Joined: 26 May 2009
Posts: 2436

Posted: 01 August 2009 at 2:26pm | IP Logged
thank u guys. This is my first try at writing fiction- thanks to all those amazing writers like April, PW, angel to have given me inspiration. I am bettr at "dry" posts!LOL!

rushtrip- thank u for that comment- I don't know if I was coming thru with the emotions. It is interesting to read words written by you and imagining it in your head but whether u can transmit to your reader is a challenge I face. I truly value that feedback.

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radev24

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