Best him...

bystander IF-Addictz

Joined: 20 October 2004
Posts: 50665

Posted: 09 July 2009 at 10:01pm | IP Logged

Q: Doctor,  I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your  heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...  don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out  eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend  the life of your car by driving it faster.  Want to live longer?  Take a  nap. 

Q: Should  I cut  down on meat and eat more fruits and  vegetables?

A:You must grasp  logistical efficiencies. .... What does a cow eat?  Hay and corn.  And what are these?  Vegetables. So a steak  is nothing more  than an efficient mechanism of  delivering vegetables to your  system.  Need grain?   Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable)...And a pork chop can give you 100%of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable  products.
Q: Should  I reduce my  alcohol intake? 

A: No,not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way.  Beer is also made out  of grain.Bottoms up!
Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat  ratio?

A: Well,  if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one  to one. If you have two bodies, your  ratio is two to  one, etc.
Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular  exercise program?

A: Can't  think of a single one, sorry.
My philosophy is: No  Pain...Good!
Q:  Aren't  fried  foods bad for you? 

A:  YOU'RE  NOT  LISTENING!!! ......Foods are fried these days in  vegetable oil. In fact,  they're permeated in it.  How could getting more  vegetables be bad for  you? 
Q:  Will  sit-ups  help prevent me from getting a little soft  around  the middle?

A: Definitely  not! When  you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You  should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. 
Q:  Is   chocolate bad for me? 
A:  Are you crazy? HELLO....Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good  food around!
Q:  Is   swimming good for your figure? 

A:  If   swimming is good for  your figure,  explain whales to  me.
Q:  Is getting   in-shape important for my  lifestyle? 

A:  Hey!  'Round' is  a shape! 
Well,I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And  remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of  arriving  safely in an attractive and well preserved  body, but rather  to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one  hand - chocolate in  the other - body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and  screaming 'WOO  HOO, What a  Ride AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the  truth after all those conflicting nutritional  studies. 
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer  fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of  fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3.The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The  Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 
5. The Germans  drink a lot of beers and eat lots of  sausages and fats  and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
Eat  and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

The following 7 member(s) liked the above post:


shaanz IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 12 November 2008
Posts: 33543

Posted: 28 July 2009 at 3:55pm | IP Logged
hehehehe....yah such docs should be there everyone.

thanks for sharing   Clap
angeleyesz Senior Member

Joined: 13 May 2008
Posts: 529

Posted: 30 July 2009 at 12:03pm | IP Logged
AWESOME ! really is the best doc  =D
deadmix Newbie

Joined: 02 November 2009
Posts: 28

Posted: 08 November 2009 at 4:21am | IP Logged
hehhehehe lol lol So Funny
Khaya IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 14 December 2006
Posts: 24970

Posted: 08 November 2009 at 9:51am | IP Logged

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honeydaisy IF-Dazzler

Joined: 29 July 2009
Posts: 4846

Posted: 09 November 2009 at 9:48pm | IP Logged
lol..thats funny.....ROFL
Mrs.KaranKundra Senior Member

Joined: 08 April 2009
Posts: 396

Posted: 13 November 2009 at 10:20pm | IP Logged
rofl.....tht was funny
Angelic_J IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 19 June 2005
Posts: 13213

Posted: 14 November 2009 at 4:34pm | IP Logged

This was hilariousLOLLOLLOL Specially these two:-

Q:  Is   swimming good for your figure? 

A:  If   swimming is good for  your figure,  explain whales to  me.
Q:  Is getting   in-shape important for my  lifestyle? 

A:  Hey!  'Round' is  a shape!

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