Kasamh Se (Kasam Se)

SS:Grudge Within Husband & Wife

murni thumbnail
Posted: 14 years ago

Dear all,

This is the first time i am writting a short story. I am sorry if there is any mistakes in it.

 
 

Just two years after their marriage, Jai brought up the idea of asking
mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years
with us. Jai's father passed away while he was still very young. Krishna endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for Jai, see him through to a university degree.Could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect
of a woman to bring Jai to where he is today.

Bani immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Jai stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked Bani up and started spinning round and round. As Bani begged him to put her down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother." Jai is tall and big sized and Bani love to rest on
his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick her up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets.

Whenever they have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick her up and spin her over his head continuously until Bani surrender and beg for mercy. She became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

His mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; Bani am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!"
Bani smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Krishna continues to grumble away, and Jai smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."
Krishna stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever  Bani came home with flowers, she would ask her how much it costs. Bani told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when Bani come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost,  Bani would tell her honestly and she would get
even more upset about it. Jai playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't
tell her the full price of everything would solve it."
There begins the friction to their otherwise happy lifestyle. Krishna hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In her view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, Krishna's facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and Bani would pretend not to notice. She would use her spoons and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.
As Bani is a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and exhausted from along day of dancing around, she do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of her bed and hence she turned a deaf ear to all the protest Krishna makes. From time to time,
Krishna would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for Bani. For example: Krishna would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in the house being filled with all the trash bags; she would
scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, Bani would quietly wash them again.
One day, late at night, Krishna saw Bani quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Jai was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. Bani pretended to be a spoilt child,
tried acting cute, but he totally ignored her.... Bani got mad and asked him: "What did I do
wrong?"
Jai stared at her  and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is,right?" After that incident, for a long period of time,Krishna did not speak to Bani and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, Jai was caught in dilemma as to who to please. In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, Krishna took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table,Krishna would look at Jai happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at Bani for having failed to perform her duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, Bani resorted to buying her own breakfast on her way to work. That night, while in bed, Jai was a little upset and asked me: "Bani, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on Bani and left her alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed her. After some time, Jai sighed: "Bani, just for me, can you have
breakfast at home?" Bani was left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.
The next morning, Bani was having porridge prepared by mother and she felt a sudden churn in her  stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up her throat. She tried to suppress the urge to throw up but she could not. She threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as she was catching my breath, she saw Krishna crying
and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, Jai was standing at the washroom doorway staring at her with fire burning in his eyes.. Bani opened her mouth but no words came out of it, she really did not mean it. They had our very first big fight that day; Krishna took a look at them,
then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Jai gave her a final stare in the eye and followed Krishna down the stairs. For three days, Jai did not return home, not even a phone call. Bani was so furious, since  his mother arrived; she had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else does he want her to do? For no reason, Bani keep having the feeling to throw up and simply have no appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, she was at then low point in her life.

Finally, a colleague said: "Bani, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that she am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why her threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't
Jai, and his mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, she saw  Jai standing there. It had only been three days,but he looked haggard. Bani had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at
him and her heart soften, she couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed her voice and finally found Bani but he pretended that he doesn't know her; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through her heart. Bani told herself not to look at him anymore, and hail a
cab. At that moment, Bani have such a strong urge inside her to shout to Jai: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift her up and spin her around in circles of joy. What she wanted didn't happen and as she sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our
love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?
Back home, Bani lay on the bed thinking about her Jai, and the disgusted look in his eyes. She cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. She switched on the lights and Bani saw Jai with tears rolling down his face. He was
removing the money. She stared at him in silence; he ignored her, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a
rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. Bani gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again. The next day, she did not go to work. She wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with Jai. Bani reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird
look and said: "Mr. Walia's mother had a traffic accident and is now in
the hospital." 
Bani  stood there in shock. She rushed to the hospital and by the time she found Jai, Krishna had already passed away. Jai did not look at me, his face was expressionless. Bani looked at Krishna's pale white and thin face and she couldn't control the tears in her eyes. My god, how could this happen?
Throughout the funeral, Jai did not say a single word to Bani, with only the occasional disgusted stare at her. She only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after Krishna left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop,
apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As Jai ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit
her...Bani finally understood how much Jai must hate her, if she had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if....In his heart, she is indirectly the killer of his mother.
Jai moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And Bani, buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. She wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, she saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words she have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. She has rather he hit her real hard or give her a big and thorough  scolding though none of these events  happening had been her fault at all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, Jai came home later and later. The deadlock between them continues, they were living together like strangers who don't know each other. Bani was like the dead knot in his heart. 
 
One day, Bani passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, she  saw Jai and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, Bani understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, she entered the restaurant, stood
in front of Jai and stared hard at him, not a tear in her eyes. She has nothing to say to him, and
there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at Bani, looks at Jai, stands up and wanted to go, Jai stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at Bani, challenging her. She can only hear her slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. She
eventually backed down, if she had stood that any longer,she would have collapse together with the baby inside her. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to Bani: Following his mother's death so did our love for each other. He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when Bani returned home from work, she can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. She no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. She lived alone; she
goes for her medical checkups alone, her heart breaks again and again every time she sees a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. Her office
colleagues hinted to her to consider aborting the baby, She told them No, I will not.. She insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is her way of repaying Krishna for causing her death.

One day, Bani came home and  saw Jai sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. She knows what it is all
about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, Bani  have gradually learned to find peace within herself. She looked at him, removed her hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at her, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like hers.

As she hang up her coat, Bani keep repeating to herself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." her eyes hurt terribly, but she refused to let tears come out from there. After she hung up her coat, Jai's eyes stared fixed at her bulging tummy. Bani smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, she signed her name on it and pushed the paper to him. "Bani, are you pregnant?"
Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to her. She could not control
her tears any further and they fell like raindrops. She said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, they sat, facing each other. Jai slowly moved over to her, his tears wet the blanket. In her heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if she sprint,
she could never reach them.She cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to her. She  had originally thought that she would forgive him, but now she can't. In the
western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, she will never forget, ever. They have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For Bani, it's unintentional; for Jai, totally intentional.Bani had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but
she realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.

Other than the thought of the baby inside Bani that would bring some warmth to her heart, she is totally cold towards him, she no longer eat anything he buys for her, she don't take any presents from him and she stopped talking to him. From the moment Bani signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from her heart. Sometimes, Jai will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, Bani will walk out to the living room. He had no choice
but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, she can hear light sounds of groaning, she kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever Bani ignored him, he would fake illness and she will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab Bani and laugh. He has forgotten that last time she cared for him and was concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us?v Jai's groaning came on and off continuing but she continuously ignored him.

Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. Bani knows he is trying to use this to reach out to her, but she am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and she can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to her anymore. It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, Bani
screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, Jai came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried her and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding her hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off her brow, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried her and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed her mind: In her lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch her go in; his warm eyes caused her to manage a smile at him despite her contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, Jai looked at their son and Bani, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. Bani reached out and touched his hand. Jai just looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the
floor. Bani cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his...Bani had thought that she would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, she had never felt a deeper pain cutting through her body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time Jai discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. Bani asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled her saying: "Prepare for his funeral."

Bani disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home,she went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits her. Jai's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and she had thought that...the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for their son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you
before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the
possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion....

Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..." From play school to
primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everythingbig and small was written there. 
 
Jai has also written a letter for Bani:
"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven
me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "
Going back to the hospital, Jai is still in coma. Bani brought their son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Their son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. Bani press the button on the
camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears
slowly rolled down her face.... A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever..."Cruel misunderstandings one after another
disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend
of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her
remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is
finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late."........

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is a true story.


LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!!

I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read
through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly
showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and
communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story,
as well as patience.... This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is
very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can
consciously start to live a life free of grudge. People please let's
live a life devoid of grudge. Communication is key.
Take greatest care and live on.
 
Please do give your comments.....

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Hkaurk22 thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
That was very sad.. and very touching..  I read it with bated breath.. and I could not believe he passed in the end.. Thank you for writing this.  i think it will be a story I can never forget...
Isa_de thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
So beauitful and sad story........
jeenal20 thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
hey dear
that was a good attempt
that was a sad ending
but still loveed the way u wrote it
 
thanx for sharing this story
 
 
lovelyyrose thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
hi
i am just speechless afer readingthe story during bani's preg period and after her delivry .. it was simply heart touching
thnku
MrsKhan-Sobti thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
wat can i say..i hav tears in my eyes,it was sad but beautiful..
sadsunzarsum thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
omg what an amazing SS i really liked and the message you put a cross.
j&b84 thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
it a beauitfully written story, thx a lot for sharing it with us, i do agree with u tt commiuncation is key in any relationship to last forever.
nema123 thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
Wonderful story... !!

Forgiving others is the biggest strength of a human being.
ducky_euro thumbnail
Posted: 14 years ago
omg dear, this is a real life story? i had tears coming out of my eyes while reading the parts after the delivery. omg, such a little misunderstanding ended in such a big end. def not a happy end, and i hope this wont happen to anyone in this world. it really touched me, and i will remember this story, im sure about that.
 
SA