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Married Life - Problem or passion?

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lost_love

Newbie

lost_love

Joined: 29 April 2009

Posts: 1

Posted: 29 April 2009 at 5:17am | IP Logged
I am posting this as if this is a question.. Yes, this is a question I always ask myself.
 
I was born in a middle class family and struggled very hard in my initial years of career. At the age of 29, I got married (arranged, though I decided the girl myself through matrimonial). Since then I am facing the problem of being in Married Life...
 
My wife is not very well in making things good with my parents.. Whenever she has any arguments with me she says too many things about my parents.. She starts saying things in top of her voice... We have a kid (1yr 6 months), and we still argue in front of her ( We all, including my parents).
 
My wife and myself have not get physical since she conceived. And she's not eager to have that now. when ? only she knows..
 
I am getting emotionally very weak. Me and wife have tried few sessions of family councelling, but that had worsoned the scenario.. Not sure what all to do..
 
I seek an advice ...  

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adev

Senior Member

adev

Joined: 31 August 2007

Posts: 408

Posted: 30 April 2009 at 6:53am | IP Logged
Do your parents live in the same house as you?

Since talking is leading to arguments, maybe it would be better if you both write down a list of grievances with each other - and only with each other. Do not include parents on it. Sit down and discuss them. If the conversation gets heated, skip that topic for the moment and go to the next topic on the list. But leaving things unresolved is going to lead to more problems. You are going to have to talk it through. Make a promise to each other that if it turns into yelling, you will take a break for the moment and try discussing it again.

About arguing in front of the baby, right now, she wouldn't understand. But a few months down the road, she'll feel anxious. I know you can't help it sometimes, but if arguments arise when the baby is around, try to take it elsewhere.

xsweetbabygyalx

Senior Member

xsweetbabygyalx

Joined: 17 July 2008

Posts: 252

Posted: 21 May 2009 at 10:44pm | IP Logged

i heard a lot of cases like that and i can understand ur situation......marriage is necessarily not a problem but marrying a complete stranger is usually a problem.....my mom married a complete stranger and ended up living in a miserable life......he divorced my mum and married his cousin.......usually family counseling does help but since u mentioned that it worsened ur situation, may be you both should try to work things out by talking to each other about it.....ask her what she wants.....if u can't give her what she wants, try to explain to her as detailed as possible......if u guys live together with ur parents, try to tell her not to take what your parents say seriously.

my advice to u is......go on a family holiday somewhere with ur wife and daughter.....u can bring ur parents along if u want but have a seperate hotel room and go in different destinations but within the same country.....such as......stay at the same hotel but different rooms.....go to the same places but different sections, such as u, ur wife and daughter going to a different mall inside the mall and ur parents going to the different store inside the mall......u can actually take ur wife and daughter alone with u just for a family holiday.
 
i think ur wife might need some outing and time with u and ur daughter alone......marriage life usually means both parties taking responsibilities......i'm not married but will be as soon as recession is over i think......i hope this helps u out.

Jinx_7

Senior Member

Jinx_7

Joined: 08 February 2009

Posts: 344

Posted: 05 June 2009 at 11:49am | IP Logged
hey
ask her how she is feeling?
try to understand where she comes from
and if she is sayin things about your parent then there must be a problem between them
if you live in the same house then maybe you might want to get your own house
try to ask your parents and wife to stop arguing for the childs sake
as for the physical problem your wife might be feeling self consience and insecure i think you should make her feel loved as i think thats what she want
 
hope it helps but i am no expert

happe

IF-Dazzler

happe

Joined: 27 April 2005

Posts: 4462

Posted: 05 June 2009 at 3:44pm | IP Logged
As previously mentioned by some members, you should talk to your wife about her feelings. There is a book called "Difficult Conversations: How to discuss what matters most" and it might offer some help.

NaughtySon

Senior Member

NaughtySon

Joined: 30 May 2009

Posts: 214

Posted: 06 June 2009 at 1:00am | IP Logged
Marriage is all about combatibilty, If there is no heop that u can live together, plz seeka  divorce. or tr staying away for soemtime and both of you will see each other's good side when u miss the other person, Good luck

Anam_naan

Goldie

Anam_naan

Joined: 29 September 2008

Posts: 1186

Posted: 07 June 2009 at 3:26am | IP Logged
well see its u to handle everything..u need to balance ur family nd wife...gve tme to both understand dem..specially ur wife u hve ur family nd wife..she only has u nd no one..its u ..u are her family...understand her talk to her...gve her somee space...ask her wat she wants...i m sure u gve her urself nd she is ur all urs..gve her love dat is all required....love is d solution.nd sometimes when arguments take place between ur wife nd family jst sometimes take her side nd sometimes ur family nd later make her understand....

Jiannax143

IF-Rockerz

Jiannax143

Joined: 24 June 2009

Posts: 7992

Posted: 24 June 2009 at 7:54pm | IP Logged
oh god you're scaring me about marriage now

um i think you dont need counseling
i think you need to sit don and talk to each other and let it all out peacefully and dont fight in front of your child
its going to have such a bad effect on her trust me i would know
and if she cant respect your parents then u should yell at her because if you dont bring her parents into the situation why should she talk bad about yours?
i think you should talk to her maybe she is taking out her tension from something else at home or she may be going through something

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