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So u wanna be a Death Eater?

vritikacullen Groupbie
vritikacullen
vritikacullen

Joined: 12 April 2009
Posts: 136

Posted: 20 April 2009 at 5:17am | IP Logged
hi everyone...i found this really hilarious piece on death eaters qualifications....its really funny and i got it from an hp site...wanted 2 share it wid every1...hope u guys can get a laugh out of it.

So You Want To Be A Death Eater?

Welcome to this helpful guide to being a Death Eater. This leaflet should provide you with all the information you need to become a successful servant to the Dark Lord. It will if you know what's good for you. Please read every page before eating.

Aims of the society:

To be evil
To conquer the world
Elimination of all Muggles
Elimination of all Mudbloods
Elimination of Albus Dumbledore & the Order of the Phoenix
Elimination of (miscellaneous)
To serve Lord Voldemort (that's me!)
To create sanctuaries for endangered breeds of snakes

List of Equipment required for new Death Eaters:

Long Black Robes (Casual)
Long Black Robes (Smart)
Short Black Robes (for summer wear)
Long Black cloak (silk is preferable to velvet, as it is much more absorbent)
Black mask (informal)
Black boots (Stiletto heels are no longer permitted)
Black leather gloves (barbed wire ornamentation optional)
Wand
Extra wand in case of losing first wand
Plastic imitation wand in case of losing Extra wand
Death Eater Rules:

No Death Eater shall be a spy for Dumbledore.

All Death Eaters must be proficient in the Dark Arts: murder, Unforgivable Curses, yodeling etc. An annual examination will be made to make sure that all members are up to scratch.

No Death Eater shall behave with integrity unless it is a genuine accident.

A Death Eater must be pureblooded.

No Death Eater must ever mention that the Dark Lord himself is not pureblooded.

No Death Eater may kill another Death Eater without a very good reason.

All Death Eaters shall answer Lord Voldemort's summons immediately. (Unless you are having a shower, in which case it is permitted to don a bath robe first.)

All Death Eaters shall have vaguely sinister surnames.

Frequently Asked Questions:
what should I do if I decide to leave the organization?

Make your funeral arrangements as quickly as possible.


What is the salary like?

You should be in this job for the principle of the thing, not for sordid reasons. So let's just say that it's much, much better than they pay at the Ministry. There will also be opportunities for pillage, looting, theft, etc., and Christmas bonuses are guaranteed.

Does the Dark Mark hurt?

Of course it does; this is an evil society after all. What are you, a wimp?


Can the Dark Mark be removed by laser treatment?

No. Only a moron would ask such a stupid question.

But it can be temporarily obscured by a good-quality concealer. (Make sure it's a shade darker than your skin tone, as a lighter shade will simply draw attention to the tattoo. Pat translucent powder over the concealer to make it last longer.)

Is there a retirement age for Death Eaters?

You probably won't live long enough to have to deal with this problem.

Can I kill personal enemies or just opponents of Voldemort?

Murder is encouraged on principle; however, personal killings should be reserved for each individual Death Eater's free time, as obviously serving Lord Voldemort is much more important. Occasional massacre outings/ dark revels may take place as rewards for good (i.e. bad) behavior.

What should I do if Voldemort is defeated at the height of his powers by a one-year-old boy?

This circumstance is so unlikely that there is no point devising a protocol to deal with it.

The Death Eater Anthem (to be memorised by each new recruit as soon as possible).

Who lurk beneath the undergrowth?
When all is dim and dark?
Who murder people in their beds
Or sometimes in the park?
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
Our blood is pure as pure!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We all love Voldemort!
We serve the Dark Lord every day,
We're always very loyal
And if with us you don't agree
We'll boil you in hot oil!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We're evil as can be!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
But if we're scared we'll flee!
Our curses are incredible.
We're known for our Morsmordres
And though our leader is insane
We always follow orders.
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We're wickedness collective!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
Yet rather ineffective!

hope you all liked it...u can add your own rules....questions and suggestions and comments too.. LOL LOL

-Divyaa- IF-Sizzlerz
-Divyaa-
-Divyaa-

Joined: 08 May 2007
Posts: 15265

Posted: 20 April 2009 at 6:11am | IP Logged
ha ha hilarious loved it.
..RamKiJanaki.. IF-Stunnerz
..RamKiJanaki..
..RamKiJanaki..

Joined: 20 August 2008
Posts: 45686

Posted: 20 April 2009 at 8:06am | IP Logged
Oh my God! That's awesome, especially the anthem!ROFL
cityoflights IF-Veteran Member
cityoflights
cityoflights

Joined: 11 September 2008
Posts: 12835

Posted: 20 April 2009 at 3:36pm | IP Logged
Hahahahaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was hilarious! I loved the concealing the dark mark part!ROFL
legallyzoya Goldie
legallyzoya
legallyzoya

Joined: 27 February 2007
Posts: 1007

Posted: 21 April 2009 at 2:49am | IP Logged
haha....
awesome anthem!!
missindia26 IF-Rockerz
missindia26
missindia26

Joined: 17 November 2007
Posts: 6207

Posted: 21 April 2009 at 10:25am | IP Logged
LOL loved it especially the rules!
vid_hurry Senior Member
vid_hurry
vid_hurry

Joined: 28 November 2006
Posts: 897

Posted: 22 April 2009 at 4:25am | IP Logged
That was too funnyLOL
Quirky IF-Rockerz
Quirky
Quirky

Joined: 09 April 2007
Posts: 7818

Posted: 23 April 2009 at 3:19am | IP Logged
lol

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