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Dear Agony Aunt: 3 of us in this relationship

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Cute_Tulip

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Posted: 09 April 2009 at 9:17am | IP Logged
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Posted: 09 April 2009 at 11:33am | IP Logged
This is one of the biggest problems people usually have in a relationship.  Seems like Lara-Dino relationship also ended because of the same reason.

I would say you have to be secured with your relationship.  And if you can't be, then it probably isn't a true relationship.

If I love someone truly, I would give them my trust and faith.  I wouldn't care who he meets and who he doesn't meet.  I mean we live in this world where you can just hide your boyfriend from all the girls. You can, however, hope that he truly loves you and wouldn't want anyone but you.  If he does, he's not worthy of you.

Secondly, how does it really make a different if she's his ex?  I would still trust him and if now he's just friends with her, you wouldn't to take a friend away from him?  Such insecurities have a very adverse effect on the relationships.  Guys wouldn't want to be questioned every now and then about why he was talking/meeting with his ex and girls just can't see their boyfriends talking to their ex.  I think in this situation girls need to be patient and secure about their problems.  Really... Please give them some space and be patient. 

It doesn't matter if he's around his ex or any other girl in the world.  Ultimately if he truly loves you, it doesn't matter which girl he's talking to, he'll be faithful to you no matter what.  And if he doesn't truly love you, then there's not much you can do about it.  And anyway, in this case, it won't matter if it's his ex or someone else. 

-Mahi

A r y a n

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Posted: 09 April 2009 at 1:35pm | IP Logged
Dear Anya,

In order to find a solution to this problem of yours, you need to ask yourself some questions. When your boyfriend's ex is around him, what is his reaction and behavior towards her? IF you really really feel that he's a little too comfortable with her, maybe you can address this concern to him in an appropriate manner. If he truly loves you, he will understand you.

But if you have full faith in your boyfriend and know that this is nothing but your own unnecessary fear, then let it be. Talking to him about it may make him think that you doubt his love and loyalty. Teach yourself to block out her presence when she is around. Stick with your boyfriend as much as you can, giving her no chance to approach him. Eventually his ex could get sick of seeing you two together all the time and may start to feel unwanted. Then she might back away herself. Perhaps you could even try befriending her, if she is nice to you. That way maybe you would feel less uncomfortable with her around.

Good luck
Agony Uncle Smile

AsliiGuy

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Posted: 09 April 2009 at 7:31pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by A r y a n

Dear Anya,

In order to find a solution to this problem of yours, you need to ask yourself some questions. When your boyfriend's ex is around him, what is his reaction and behavior towards her? IF you really really feel that he's a little too comfortable with her, maybe you can address this concern to him in an appropriate manner. If he truly loves you, he will understand you.

But if you have full faith in your boyfriend and know that this is nothing but your own unnecessary fear, then let it be. Talking to him about it may make him think that you doubt his love and loyalty. Teach yourself to block out her presence when she is around. Stick with your boyfriend as much as you can, giving her no chance to approach him. Eventually his ex could get sick of seeing you two together all the time and may start to feel unwanted. Then she might back away herself. Perhaps you could even try befriending her, if she is nice to you. That way maybe you would feel less uncomfortable with her around.

Good luck
Agony Uncle Smile


lol yar, apka sig bahot accha hain, bahot pasand hai...i think its creative...LOL

A r y a n

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Posted: 10 April 2009 at 12:55am | IP Logged
Hehe...thanks Arun Big smileLOL

TrulyAditi

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Posted: 11 April 2009 at 12:02am | IP Logged
Hey...if you love yourguy you have to trust him and I think you should tell him that you don't like his ex being around and see his reaction.You shold also try and talk to his ex as well.Try and find out if she still likes him...but I think the best option would betelling your guy how you feel...best of luck!

xsweetbabygyalx

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Posted: 11 April 2009 at 6:33pm | IP Logged
First of all, as long as your guy loves you then you got nothing to worry about. Try to tell yourself that they are just friends and nothing else. I know a few people who are still friends even after the breakup. Your boyfriend's ex might had realized that they couldn't be boyfriend+girlfriend so they are better being friends.
 
From my personal experince, I was never insecure with my boyfriend having tons of female friends and I still am not insecure. His ex showing up did shocked me a little bit and made me insecure but I kept telling myself "nothing to worry about, he loves me and he is faithful" so try telling yourself the samething. Believe me, once you start trusting him, the better you will feel.
 
Never make illusions of your boyfriend cheating on you, believe me guys hate that. Try to stay tranquil about this situation and keep reminding yourself of how much he loves you. believe me, when a guy loves you, he will keep telling you those 3 special words on random and when he tells you that he misses you, he seriously means it. Don't limit him things. It is a good idea for your boyfriend to hang out in groups of girls instead of a girl alone because people spread fake gossips around. Don't mind him talking to his female friends alone on the phone because that doesn't mean anything.
 
As long as he remains faithful towards you matters. Notice his behaviour patterns though.
 
Best of Luck

aritzia

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Posted: 19 April 2009 at 2:29pm | IP Logged
it all depends on how ur bf treats her .....

I seriously believe one cant be freinds after a relationship ..if they were serious abt each other ...

His ex gf might not be able to see someone else with him .... so she tries to be befriends with him and sticks around to keep an eye on him .
And if he is so comfortable with her then he might still have that special place for her.......

Try to stick with him as much as you .... and as someone said she will keep unwanted and will have to accept that he is gone and she backaway .

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