Originally posted by Gauri_3
RTH - Thanks for sharing your perspective. Looks like no generation has it easy peasy.
I am with you on your European examples but I would like to point out one basic difference when it comes to them vs us desi G1 - I think what desis struggle most with is the sexual liberation prevalent in west. Europeans, even with all their close family ties etc, have that part pretty much nailed. Gen. 1 there doesn't lose sleep over izzat luta ker beta ghar aayaa hai...raat bher kahan muh kala ker raha thhaa etc😆 Hence, the parallals you attempted there are really not apple to apple comparisons.
I used the European examples more to point out that despite our differences we share very similar cultural concerns. Even though Europeans have been here longer they still experience a culture clash between generations that we do. They share the frustration we have over cultural and traditional alienation. I think the integration of generations will work better if we can collaborate with them and share experiences.
Sexual behavior however, is definitely one jarring difference that distinguishes desis from most immigrant populations. Sexually we are more conservative when it comes to immigrant populations. Even though far east Asian communities share similar value driven perspectives on sex, they seem to be able to cope with the differences and blend cultures better than desis. Only communities more conservative than the desis would be the middle eastern community.
The values that we have as desis make it extremely difficult for the next gen kids when they enter high school and are exposed to sex, alcohol, partying etc. While parents equip them with traditional values, they do not equip them with how to successfully deal with situations where values conflict.
In my opinion what we need is not to give up our values or adapt new ones, but at these stages teens need to be able to answer two questions "Why do you believe?" and "How do you judge?". People respect values better when you can reasonably stick to them with integrity rather than narrow minded fanaticism. Also if people feel that you judge them based on your value sets will start alienating themselves, because no one wants to be judged.
....and I disagree on the blatant generalization below :
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They either are raised obsessively Indian making it hard for them to connect and socialize or they are raised obsessively American making them confused and clueless about their roots.
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Its a generalization yes, but in my opinion it is not unfair in any manner. There are varying degrees in which one gen raises the next. We cannot possibly delve into each one.The flaw in the generalization maybe that it tends to polarize.
The fact is that gen 1 is raising children in a whole new world. Despite best intersts it is difficult for them to strike the balance. While a lot do tend to raise their kids somewhere in that ball park around balance, most tend to fall to one extreme - not because they want to be extreme - but because they simply are not equipped or experienced to differentiate. But this is again completely personal experience. Perhaps outside the midwest especially amidst the coasties where desi populations are more concentrated the experience is a different one.
Its just a bunch of hicks here and desis came her for the razzle dazzle, you know to escape the hickdom and not become part of it. I love being a hick. Nothing tips like cow. Actually the great plains are true hicks. We are more elitist European hicks though. The best is the wurst here. 😆
No matter how G2 is raised, at some point in their life, they do figure out their comfort zone and get settled into it. Obsessively indian might have been true for most G1 who migrated way back in 60's or 70's but the subsequent emigrants, especially the professionals from metropolitan cities back home, have been more open to global culture than typical desi one. Hence, they raise the G2 a bit different than what their predecessors did. Therefore, I wouldn't generalize entire G2 to this extent.
That said; some of the ultra successful desis around happen to be G2. Couple of more "in your face" kind of examples would be Dr. Sanjay Gupta of CNN and Shibani Sona Joshi of FOX. Most G2 I know are very well settled in their professions whether chosen by themselves or forced upon them by overbearing parents and many are on their way to be well-settled.
They may have had it super hard in the beginning but most came out of all this dual tussle and expectations galore with flying colors....and they do come up with their sneaky ways of living their life while letting their parents be under the impression that 1 want sto have of 2😆 Ideally speaking, there should not be any sneaking around but, at the end of the day, whatever keeps the ship afloat😆
I would like to make one claim here based on my own experience --- I wouldn't have it any other way and I know that my kids won't either. Tough or easy, heart wrenching or ecstatic - we are what we are because we are the product of all our collective experiences and I wouldn't change what I am even for a minute.
I agree in the end its a matter of finding your own personal balance. Your upbringing and family does dictate the way your life turns out, but only to a certain extent. Life is how we mold it out to be. Sometimes generations and generations stick to their old ways like a stick in the mud, and I am referring to all immigrant classes. Sometimes even the very first generation simply has the drive to integrate. Ultimately, its all the experiences that count and I would not trade mine for something easier or different either.
