Joined: 12 April 2007
Venue - Sue's house, in particular, her kitchen.
Participants - Jas, Jenim, Netra, Supree, Caryn, Vanis (both of them!), Sue, Hosanna, Aaryn, eljay, Atina, Karthikka.
Opening scene - Nair bhaiya returns home early to see a lot of slippers outside his front door. He is wondering about this - did Sue get angry with me and leave all her slippers outside to throw at me when I return home? Did she go and buy so many new slippers that she had to put the old ones out to accommodate the new ones? Just as he is going to ring the door bell, he hears the distinct sound of a baby's cry. What was that? Is Sue bringing home babies as well as new jewelry? Then he hears a lot of laughter and giggles and the word Bakul several times. Ahhh, now he understands - Sue and her friends have gathered in his house instead of at KFC, as they had planned. Hmmm, did the KFC management refuse to let them in? Or did they get thrown out of KFC for rowdy behavior? Is it safe to venture indoors?
To be continued....
Joined: 12 April 2007
Just as Nair bhaiya uses his housekey to open the door, he feels a strong gust of wind blowing him to one side. He turns to see what is happening, and he sees these two young ladies, bearing trays of what look like murukkus and ??? (badushahs?), running towards him. He beams, Aha, it doesn't matter that Sue is too busy with her IF friends these days to make all the norukkus that I like. Here are two kind-hearted souls who have realized that I have been put on the back burner by my wifey, and who have come to relieve me of my distress. It is good to see that some IFians are feeling sorry for me. Unfortunately for him, they don't even stop to look at him, but run right past him into the house. He sees Sue come out with a big smile and thinks. Okay, okay, she still remembers that I have come home and is greeting me with this smile. Then he sees her squealing, "Look who is here! Kads and Bon have arrived!" as she gives the two ladies hugs and all the others come out of the kitchen. More squeals, hugs and shouts ensue, and poor bhaiya is wondering if this is indeed his house or someone else's.
He decides to call up Vinod and Mr. Roja to find out if they know what is happening, but Vinod is busy with work and Mr. Roja is out on the golf course, so he has turned off his cell phone. Just then, he notices that the trays have been set down on the dining table, so he sidles closer to take a look. Voila1 One contains murukkus and the other has what definitely looks like badushahs. The ladies are so busy talking that they don't even see him taking a couple of pieces from each tray. Hmmm, these are delicious murukkus, must ask Sue to get the recipe. He puts a badushah in his mouth, and then realizes that this is something else - a spicy version of badushah! Wonder what it is called, must ask Sue again, he thinks.
In the meantime, there is a funny smell coming from the kitchen. Bhaiya is wondering if the ladies will hear him if he tries to get their attention, when someone wails, " Oh, my vadais are burning!" and they all run into the kitchen. There is no smoke coming so he realizes that the ladies must have saved the vadais from further damage. He relaxes, takes a big heaped plate full of murukkus and spicy badushahs, and turns to go back to his room, when he finds ...
To be continued ...
Joined: 12 April 2007
Nair bhaiya's story continues:
Nair bhaiya moves to go to his room, but he hears voices behind him. He turns to see two men limping from the bathroom towards his room, so he quickly enters the next room and listens. He hears the men groaning and moaning in pain - Aaahh, valikudhu, aaah! Then he hears someone saying, Ada thambi, konjam kaatu, naan marundhu dhaan podaren, konjam kaatu Isai thambi. Then another male voice, Vendaamma, Rajamma, rombu valikudhu. Then the same woman's voice says, Ippo en pechu kelunga, illai eljayai koopiduttama? Ayyo vendam, neengale thevalam, both male voices say in unison, naanga pesamal kaaturom. Nair bhaiya slowly peers inside, to find Isaitamil and Jagdu sitting on chairs and Rajamma applying some medicine to their wounds. He wonders how they got hurt and then he hears Isai saying, Podhumppa, inimel Giri veetukku naan varalai, vandhaal thennai maram eri indha paadu pada vendi irukku, and Jagdu says, Cricket ethanaiyo thevalai, you wouldn't let me watch my cricket match in peace, but kept promising to take me to a party, and look at me now.
Poor Nair bhaiya, he is wondering if he has landed up in one of SunTV's serials by accident, and decides to go take a look at the kitchen and find Sue. He is planning to ask Sue if she knows what is going on in the house, so he goes downstairs, slowly opens the front door, goes outside and around the house to the back. As he nears the kitchen window, he hears someone saying, Jenim akka, next is my turn. I want a vadai shaped like a turkey, and someone else says, Jenim akka, remember you promised me a heart shaped vadai for Vinod, and then someone says, Netra, Vani, eljay is coming, better be quiet. Nair bhaiya takes a quick peek to see a plump, matronly figure, dressed in stiff whites, with a chef's hat covering her greying hair, which is pulled back in a tight knot at the back of her head. Her glasses are perched on the tip of her nose and she has a walking stick in one hand, and he is reminded of the witch in Hansel and Gretel. He quickly turns around and checks to make sure there is no oven behind him into which he can be shoved, and then listens carefully. Jenim, I thought I told you to shape the vadais gently, then they can be slipped easily into the oil, eljay can be heard saying, then she calls out to someone else, Jas, can you come here and help Jenim? I asked her to make vadais shaped like flowers, but here we are seeing old McDonald's farm creatures. Then the old crone moves on and can be heard saying, Hurry up, Vani 19 and Vani 2007, all the coconuts have to be grated to make chutney. Atina, how is the matar paneer coming? Jas, is the soup ready? Netra, where is the cake? Sue, is the aviyal ready? Then Nair bhaiya sees his beloved Sue, radiant in all her glittering finery (what, does she cook wearing all her jewelry?), coming towards the window, with a tray of cookies, freshly baked, which she places on the window sill to cool. She turns around and says, Netra, the cookies are cooling, what next? Where are Giri and Roja? How long are they taking to do their shopping? I hope Giri doesn't go and say anything. Nair bhaiya is scratching his head, say anything about what>? What's going on here?
Just as he decides to slowly reach out toward the cookies, someone slaps him on his wrist, and it is none other than the old lady, eljay. Aha, we have an intruder here, Sue, please tell bhaiya to stay away from the cookies till 7 p.m. Sue comes towards Nair bhaiya and beams at him. Chetta, could you please, please stay away from the cookies till 7 p.m? How can he resist such a plea, so Nair bhaiya moves away from the cookies, albeit reluctantly. He doesn't want to leave the scene of action, though, so he lingers outside the window, watching. Atina slowly beckons to him, with a finger on her lips, so he moves towards her, and she passes a couple of cookies to him, which he gratefully pockets, and moves off.
Now he sees that all the food is being transferred to trays. Where are they taking this food, he wonders. He sees Jas and Supree, with two trays of baklava and 7 cup cake, Jenim with the vadais and sambar, Kads with the spicy badushah and Bon with murukkus and they are all getting into his car. Sue gets into the driver's seat and they all go off somewhere. Curiouser and curiouser, he thinks. He sees Rajamma coming into the kitchen with Isai and Jagdu, and then they pick up the trays of pulao, pachadi, coconut chutney, Nallu picks up the matar paneer and Netra is seen balancing a large chocolate cake. They go outside, and leave in a van, and he thinks, Aha, finally! Now only the nice people like the two Vanis, Hosanna and Karthikka and Caryn are left, surely they will let me eat some food, so he slowly goes into the house.
He enters the kitchen and finds himself surrounded by women. They are asking him if he is ready. Ready for what? he thinks, but he gamely says Yes. Hosanna asks him to hold the baby, while she picks up a tray of food, the other young ladies each carry a tray in their hands and they are waiting for him. The poor man has no idea what is being planned, but he follows. He goes outside to find a car waiting, with Hosanna's husband at the wheel. They all get in, and drive off somewhere, and poor Mr. Nair realizes that he has just locked himself out of the house. Oh oh, I do hope Sue has the key, he thinks.
They arrive at a building, and Sue is waiting to greet them. They get down and Nair bhaiya tries to get a word in with Sue, but she says, Chetta, please, let us talk about this later. I will tell you everything when we sit down. Luckily for him, he sees the Bishop, so he goes and joins him. Poor Bishop, he too has no idea what is going on, and confesses his ignorance of the plans for the evening. Just then, they hear the shout, "They are here" and turn around to see Giri and Roja, resplendent in their new clothes, entering. They are accompanied by Mr. Giri and Mr. Roja, respectively. They are followed by Mr.Cheyar Ravi, Mr. Kumaran, Mr. Thols, all dripping wet, and in shackles. Behind them are all the SunTV staff, and they are weeping openly.
To be continued ....
I promise to finish this by tonight.
Joined: 12 April 2007
Nair bhaiya's story continues:
As bhaiya watched, Vinod walks up to him, asking, Do you know why we are here? Netra wouldn't tell me. Bishop tells him that they are also in the dark. Mr. Roja and Mr. Giri join them, asking the same question. Then they find this tall, grey haired man walking up to them and he says, Are you all the spouses? I am eljay's spouse, and she just told me to find the men and join them. As usual for her, she didn't even tell me your names, so then the men introduce themselves. Since yours truly wasn't present there, I cannot give you the names, so let us just refer to them the same way as before. A few more men join them, saying I am Supree's hubby, I am Kalki's hubby, I am Atina's hubby, our wives just asked us to bring them here, and then they have all vanished. Do you know what is going on here? The men mutely convey their ignorance, so talk turns to the tumbling stock market and the turbulence in the world of commerce. Mr. Roja says that he knows Jagdu is knowledgeable about these things, but he is nowhere to be found. How did he manage to get in with the ladies and we have been banished? As before, nobody seems to have the answer.
Well, let us turn our attention to the drinks. Do you suppose they have anything stronger than ice water and Sprite here, asks Mr. eljay, and the question is answered by a sudden eruption, akin to the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius, which results in a spray of some liquid reaching halfway across the room. It seems to be originating from somebody whose sleeve is being pulled down by none other than ... our very own Sue, and Nair bhaiya is astounded. My Sue, my very sweet, quiet, staid and decorous Sue, pulling down someone's sleeve? Is this possible? Ende Guruvayoorappa, idhu ninde kaLiyo? (Yours truly regrets that her Malayalam is a little rusty.) He puts on his glasses and peers, yes, it is definitely Sue, and there seems to be a lot of giggling out there, but before he can see any more, Mr. Roja and Mr. Giri have located the drinks table and he finds himself being dragged along. The rest of the men follow, and they help themselves, and then .. aha, Nair bhaiya finally spots the table of murukkus, and points it out. Quickly, they all follow him and fill up their plates with canapes and tikkis and murukkus and chaat.
As they are filling up their plates, they turn around and see Jas standing there, asking, Do you like North Indian food? If so, there is special North Indian food, prepared and kept at the next table. eljay wouldn't let us cook anything other than South Indian food, so I made some items separately and put them on the next table. As she is saying this, Jagdu comes along and overhears, makes his way to the next table, fills up with matar mushroom and peas pulao, saag chana and achar, and disappears again.
Suddenly there is an announcement - Ladies and Gentlemen, would you please take your seats? This is Atina, and I will be your MC for this evening. The men walk back, and in doing so, glance over to where the women seem to be huddled together, and notice that all of them seem to be glittering in new finery. What's going on? is the thought in their minds, as they walk back.
Folks, I have to stop here, because ... dinner needs to be made. There isn't much left, and I hope to finish it tonight itself.
Joined: 12 April 2007
To all who have wondering about why I am taking so long to return, my dinner was very good (ragda patties, yum!). Then we had a couple of dinners to attend yesterday and today (peas palak, pakodi kadhi, dhoklas, and so on), so I had to wait till the effects of the food were gone.
Nair bhaiya's story continues:
As Nair bhaiya, Mr. Roja, Mr. Giri and the other men make their way back to their table, they are stopped short by the announcement by Atina, "We are introducing Vinod and Mr. Ambi as our keynote speakers for the evening. Would you both please step forward?" What is going on here, Vinod and Mr. Ambi, they ask, and get puzzled shrugs in response, as Vinod, followed by Mr. Ambi, make their way to the podium. Nair bhaiya has a better idea, he spots Mr. Atina talking to two attractive girls, and walks toward him. He tells the others that Mr. Atina may have the answers, since Atina is on the dais, he may also be less inhibited and may spill the beans. What he doesn't know is that poor Mr. Atina is being closely watched by those two lovely ladies, none other than the two Vanis, in disguise, and they pour generous helpings of vodka into his glass when they see the men approaching. Poor Mr. Atina, he takes a big gulp, and the next instant, he passes out, and is helped solicituously to a couch by the ladies, who continue to keep an eagle eye on him.
Vinod comes up to the dais, and tells Atina that he was not told about this and hence he does not have a speech, and Atina tells him not to bother. She tells him that the whole point of the talk is going to be how his family life has been affected by the serials being telecast on SunTV, so he should be able to say something. He says, Aha, that is something I can do. He says that his dear, sweet mother is constantly going around with a grim expression on her face and a karandi in hand, with a yennai chatti, talking about varuthufying someone or something, and he keeps hoping it is potatoes and he will get potato chips, but hasn't seen any chips, or any food at all, so far. Her sweet personality has been seriously affected by this unknown person. He says that his beloved wife, Netra, spends all her time updating the serials, to the point where his son has now reached the tender age of 13, but she is still under the impression that he is only 5 months old! Then Mr. Ambi says that his wife says that she is making sweets, and then she claims to be making badushah, which he always imagined to be a sticky sweet confection, but it turns out to be something with salt and spice in it, and this again has to do with the serials, he believes, because they all start by promising clean romance and good fun, but end up being merely violent clones of each other. Now Nair bhaiya understands the secret behind the spicy badushahs! He also is beginning to understand why his wife does very little cooking these days, is more likely to say Ennamo sambar, or ennamo fry, when asked what is cooking for dinner these days.
Just as Nair bhaiya thinks he should also get a chance to go to the dais, he hears Mr. Ambi calling Mr. Roja and Mr. Giri to the dais. Thinking quickly, he follows them, and beckons to the others to follow him. Mr. Giri talks of how he found himself being anointed with oil in his sleep one night, thanks to one of his beloved wife's frequent dreams about some hapless couple called Priya and Durai. He says that he found her looking at the perungaya dabbi one day, and when he asked her what the matter was, she said that her love was like the perungayam. Enna perungayamo theriyalai, enakku ore varuthama irukku, after all these years, she compares our love to perungayam. At least, oru Jack Danielskku compare panni irukalaam, he says. Mr. Roja says, You too, Mr. Giri? I found myself sitting in a puddle of water one night, because my wife was pouring a jug of water on my head, thinking it was these serial directors. At this point, Mr. eljay piped in, Yes, exactly who is this Durai guy? I kept hearing my wife talking about him, and I was getting a little anxious, but then I saw him one day and he was wearing this funny costume, all earrings and muthu maalai, and here she is raving about this weird person. Then one day he comes in a police uniform and a frown, and he looks to be about the age of our older son, and so I am confused. Then she went to India and came back with a bunch of yellow saris, and now whenever we go out, she comes looking all mangalagaram and talks of venduthal, but nothing is related to me, so what is going on here? Talking of sweets, she keeps making baklava, but I never see any of it, and I think she is sending it all to foreign parts.
There is a scuffle going on in the audience, and two young men jump on the dais, and one of them grabs the mike and says, Hi, I am trying to get the attention of a young lady named Nallu here, but she is always too busy talking about some serials and their directors. My friend here says that these days, all the young ladies are doing that, so we have no hopes of ever getting married, thanks to all these directors. Nair bhaiya gets up on the stage now, and takes the mike and says that he has one good thing to say about these serials, thanks to them, and to the unknown Mr. Durai, his wife has less time to spend on her shopping sprees, and so his bank balance has been growing, well, just a little, because even yesterday, she was in the mall, and she picked up two bracelets. He suspects that she may have lost some of her interest in the serials, because Mr. Durai has been missing for some time now. Bishop tells the audience that he has nothing to complain about, since his wife is so busy with the baby and their daughter that she has no time to think about shopping or TV or anything. In fact, he is thinking of asking his other daughter to have a baby soon, so that his wife will be busy again. (I do not know if Hosanna has another daughter, if not, this will be an imaginary daughter.) Besides, he is glad that they changed the actress who plays the lead in some serial called Kaveri or Kasthuri or some such thing. Now his wife has lost all interest in watching the show. He suggests that the other serial producers and directors take note of this.
Nair bhaiya sees someone who looks like Shahrukh Khan coming on stage. He introduces himself as Mr. Pat, and says that his wife was always known for her speed in typing, but of late,her fingers have taken to flying over the keyboard at the speed of light. She says that her updates have to posted as soon as the episode is aired, and he worries that she may damage her hands at this rate. He also says that he has had to buy two new TV sets recently because she sent her shoes flying through them.
Atina takes the mike back and tells them that the wives have taken note of all this, and they have decided to do something to alleviate the woes of their men. For starters, she tells them that Sue and eljay have found a big cache of gold coins and have decided to share it with all their friends in IF. They have come to the conclusion that if they cash the gold, there will be enough to charter a space vehicle and send it to Mars. The vehicle is waiting and ready to take off. Now Jagdu comes, leading Thava Karthik, but they are pushed aside by Thols, who is screaming, Kaappathungo, ennai kaappathungo, there is a lady waving a karandi and a yennai chatti, who claims she is going to make varuval out of me. He runs into the Mars orbiter, then karthik is pushed in, then comes vsur, dragging dot T dot G dot Thyagarajan, who is also pushed in. Wait a minute, wait just a minute, says Jas, who is running with something big and white, which she is dragging behing her. Jagdu asks her what is this, and she says this is Supramani, which must go with Thols. Jagdu tells her he may not need it but she is insistent, and he dares not cross swords with her in this mood, so he complies.
Nair bhaiya is wondering what is the point of sending these people in the Mars orbiter, but then Bon steps in and reminds him that the last orbiter died on the Martian surface, and this one has been programmed to die similarly, hence this trip. He wonders how they could have made the same mistake twice, and then Caryn tells him that it was done by the programmers at the SunTV offices. They got so confused by all the serials and by seeing Sanjeev as a schemer in one serial and a helpless person in another and a rash person in yet another, and so on, that they forgot all the programming they had learned.
Atina and Jagdu close the door of the Mars orbiter, then wave to someone, and the vehicle takes off. Now all the ladies are singing and dancing, and the music is reaching a crescendo, and suddenly Nair bhaiya finds himself being shaken by his wife. Chetta, chetta, wake up, it is time to get up, and he opens his eyes and finds his wife, wearing her Jodha Akbar necklace, matching jhumkas, bracelets (the new ones she bought at the mall yesterday!). Wha .., where are we going? he asks, and she says, Don't you remember, we are going to Roja's house for Deepavali dinner? We have to go in traditional finery, you have to wear your mundu, all the men are going to be in traditional attire, so hurry up. But can I have some tea and pakoras first, he asks, I didn't have any lunch at work today, and Sue says, No, there is no time, and he thinks, Oh what a life, I didn't get any tea in my dreams, and none in real life either. I wish I had at least eaten some more murukkus in the dream. I hope at least Vinod gets some chips, he thinks as he drives.
Wake up, folks, it is the end of Mr. Nair's travails, and yours.
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