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A short excerpt

~devi~ Goldie
~devi~
~devi~

Joined: 27 July 2007
Posts: 1616

Posted: 22 January 2009 at 7:20pm | IP Logged

Hi guys,

this is a short excerpt of a much larger story i wrote, and i was wondering, what do you think? If this was written on the back of a book, would it get you interested and wanting to read more? Please let me know.Big smile


          She departed the beautifully designed tan curtains slowly and gazed at the bright sun appearing, showing more and more of its self the farther the curtains departed. She silently thought, for a moment, as though her dream had finally been accomplished, which was by far never noted as one of her goals. She felt it was too easy. She had worked so hard to achieve all her goals; to the point where, simply reaching out and being handed her dream, her life, her future, was too simple. She knew that out of all the words she could use to describe her life, "simple" was not one of them.

            Her look softened a bit as she noticed the smile the sun slowly formed. She knew the smile was for her, but it was pointing towards something, and it was not her. She turned around to follow the enchanting smile, and there was Sophia, running her way. Sophia grabbed on to a portion beneath Divya's left knee. Divya noticed a certain beauty that the sun's majestic light reflected on Sophia's eyes. The sun light directly shined Sophia's eyes, and Divya saw pure innocence and such purity in them. They were clearly saying, "Please, don't hurt me."

"I won't" Divya clearly spoke to Sophia.

She patted her gently and took her in her arms. She was so soft; her skin was much lighter than Divya's, forming a perfect contrast. Divya gave her a warm smile coming straight from her heart as she took her free hand and gently rubbed it against Sophia's soft, warm cheek. Sophia slowly smiled and pulled out her left hand and put it on Divya's cheek. They both felt as though they could last there for a life-time, with each other, holding one another, feeling as though absolutely nothing could hurt them as long as they had each other.

            For Divya, Sophia was a dream, a dream she had never put much thought in to it. For now, Divya was glad to have her.

 

From that moment on, Sophia became Divya's life; her reason to live.



Edited by ~devi~ - 22 January 2009 at 7:22pm

chhilt IF-Rockerz
chhilt
chhilt

Joined: 07 January 2008
Posts: 6450

Posted: 23 January 2009 at 2:53am | IP Logged
Wow.. it's pretty good :) There are a few grammatical errors.. nothing that you can't fix though... :) Keep writing!
Girl_2007 IF-Rockerz
Girl_2007
Girl_2007

Joined: 25 November 2007
Posts: 5755

Posted: 24 January 2009 at 12:02pm | IP Logged

yes yes, it wud interest me and make me want to open the book and read more, if the book was in my property... LOL Tongue as its not the case, i will kindly suggest you to share your story wid us.

ive guessed that sophie and divya are from different origins, ya obviously, as per ur description of their skin and the names. Tongue but, i can figure how do they reach to love each other so much, how does sophie becomes an esential part of divyas life? why does sophie hope that divya doesnt hurt her?... interesting for sure, Smile well done. Clap

Edited by Girl_2007 - 25 January 2009 at 8:45am
Jess. IF-Veteran Member
Jess.
Jess.

Joined: 07 February 2006
Posts: 13407

Posted: 27 January 2009 at 7:05pm | IP Logged
luv it! im very picky abt my books ....but this book i would definitely read!
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