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Physical relationship Before Marriage? (Page 2)

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chal_phek_mat

Senior Member

chal_phek_mat

Joined: 07 March 2008

Posts: 958

Posted: 19 December 2008 at 9:37pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Meena_A

What are your views?
 
Here are mine Big smile
 and mine are in RED
-----------------------------------------------


Ok I am gonna sound like a stone age girl here, but these are MY views and I have the right to express them. Sure, sure, Hum bhi koi Taleban ke member nahi hai yaarLOL

I strictly do NOT believe in sex before marriage for me. Those famous words also came from the mouths of Britney SpearsLOLLOL

As far as sex before marriage is concerned, even if you put religion aside for a while. If you look at PRACTICALLY in all the health classes I have taken at my school, they ALL SAY ONE THING: practice abstinencemeaning wait to have sex until you are married, because of obvious reasons such as the transmission of sexual diseases.
Cant help it, you almost sound like marriage is a STD safe person certificate
 
BTW did they teach you STD can also be absorbed without any sexual activity?
http://www.4woman.gov/faq/sexually-transmitted-infections.cfm

Or maybe even sociological problems, how do you know wheater that person will stay with you tommorow or not?
so you are saying Marriage is like the handcuff that ensures that the person will stay with you forever
There is nothing guaranteed in life.Another famous line, I think this one tranlated in Hindi belongs to the Amma of Hindi Film Industry, Nirupa Roy

I am done talking here, I know some of you will agree with my views, some won't, I only said what I believe.
While I agree with the basic concept here, but your reasoning for the adoption of those concepts is not something I agree with. Again we all have a right to differ.
 
 
Moderator's Note:
 

Thanks for the post, we do understand, the intent here (editing out mention of religion). Not sure, how others interpret it and for some an opportunity to cross the lines and take this topic towards inappropriateness, reason for this note. Any comments of views that are inappropriate will be removed without notice. So, feel free to use the report button. Not that we don't allow bold topics as in past, we have indeed on similar / related subject here are the links

 

http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=188891

http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=478799

http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=104580

 

Last year due to some posts in this and other sections, dev have revisited/tightened the rules around s* related topics. Please, adhere caution, while posting your views. Hope you understand what is meant here, if not PM me.

 

Thanks!

DM DT (raj5000)

man she asked me for view and I gave it and there already is a yellow box here, kamal ke moderating hai yaar!!!



Edited by chal_phek_mat - 19 December 2008 at 9:39pm

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MrsAckles

Goldie

MrsAckles

Joined: 08 January 2008

Posts: 1858

Posted: 20 December 2008 at 2:28am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Meena_A

 
So you are comparing a woman's ability by seeing how great physical pleasure she gives? Confused Maybe your mentality is different. But I find such views very degragating.
 
If you want to "test drive" a female, you should "test drive" her for her personality and values. Don't you think that will result in a better evaluation for marriage?Wink
 
Now unless you really are not considering marriage and are just doing it for the sake of physical pleasure then that is whole another story.
 
 


Well the other poster didn't mention if he was a boy or a girl and was seeking a boy or a girl so how can you assume that he/she was comparing a car with a "woman"

Same goes for females as well, how can they tell if their men will be able to perform to a satisfactory level after marriage if they don't give it a try beforehand.. it works both ways.. its like saying women should just be happy with their partners regardless..

yeah yeah marriage is more than physical relationship and personality comes first? well sex does play a huge part in life. If you deprive yourself of some natural and basic human pleasure, you just end up being bitter with life, are irritable and your whole social/marital life takes a toll.. and could also cause mental illnesses and depravity
and in case of deprived desi boys, they end up being socially inept and end up being total pervs.. too many of those at my college, like can you make it any more obvious that you are staring at me? eeeek

its the stringent social norms in conservative societies that is the main cause for sexual abuse by family members, rape, sexually transmitted diseases etc..

i find it really hard to digest a bunch of young girls/guys (mostly teenagers) being advocate of abstinence and making judgmental remarks about other people's sex life. Like srsly, what do they know? grow up some and then when you meet that special boy you fall in love with, and lets see if you're happy just holding hands with him like a Rajshri movies heroine and wait 5 years to get married..

anyway, people who like to save themselves for their wedding night are free to do so.. as long as they stop pushing their opinion and views on others who don't subscribe to it..

I didn't end up marrying the first guy i fell in love with and i am 21 now and didn't wanna be a virgin in my 20's and i don't intend to get married anytime soon..


Edited by MrsAckles - 20 December 2008 at 2:55am

MrsAckles

Goldie

MrsAckles

Joined: 08 January 2008

Posts: 1858

Posted: 20 December 2008 at 2:46am | IP Logged
also i don't even believe in marriage, if two people are in love with each other then why do they need a piece of paper to prove that they are together? or ancient rituals that were introduced just to keep the woman in check?

now a days defacto couples get the same rights as married couples do anyway..i would rather be with the person i am in love with and be together without adhering to the society's norms.. i don't wanna be a fascist lover and tie them to a marriage certificate just to make it harder for them to leave me.. if a person falls out of love, they will fall out of love..

however in saying that because i am desi i will go through a marriage ceremony just to please my family...

Gauri_3

IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 12 November 2006

Posts: 13617

Posted: 20 December 2008 at 3:30am | IP Logged
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xantia

Groupbie

xantia

Joined: 04 December 2008

Posts: 44

Posted: 20 December 2008 at 3:59am | IP Logged
OK it's time to come clean, I only said "Would you buy a car without driving it first?" to kick start this debate, you know through a spanner in the works.

Yes feeling do get hurt between couples, especially when one partner seems to get away with it more at different times during the relationship. Before marriage the males seem to have it there way, but after marriage woman seem to have it all their way. A lot of this behaviour is just down to human nature, and not evil intent.

I would like to step back and look at the wider picture of how women are treated in society. If you really want to look at abuse of woman, than look no further than religion.

Thanks to some religions,

1. Polygamy is OK.
2. It's OK for men To beat women.
3. Forcing the virgin to marry is OK.
4. The temporary contractual marriage is OK.
5. Women are short of faith and intelligence.
6. Female inherits only half of a male's Portion.
7. A 50 year old man can marry a 10 year old child.
....ect


It's also true that you cannot compare a women to a car.

1. A car doesn't take 2 hours to get ready.
2. Cars are more reliable in general at what they do.
3. You don't have to go through a long boring ceremony to buy one.
4. You can up grade it for a new model when its worn, tired and loosing value.
...ect

?



Edited by xantia - 21 December 2008 at 9:08am

~sweet_4_U~

Senior Member

~sweet_4_U~

Joined: 18 November 2008

Posts: 359

Posted: 20 December 2008 at 10:18am | IP Logged
For me, personally, I dont supprt it the least but. It's true that you dont know whats in store for you tommorow. These days many peple are being tricked: their mates trick them into in and then they dump them. So it was simply for pleasure. I think you sould mary first, that too with some one you love, and then wait. Besides what's the hurry? Pre-maritial affairs can also lead to unwanted things. What if ur not ready for the responsibilities that come with it? Its a serious matter and I think the best way to take care of it is to simply avoid it and wait.
 
+If you take you rtime and do it when you urself are ready, it will feel much better and you wont be left with any sort of burdon
 
-Shriya

doggiedawg

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Joined: 31 October 2008

Posts: 309

Posted: 20 December 2008 at 11:54am | IP Logged
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return_to_hades

IF-Veteran Member

return_to_hades

Joined: 18 January 2006

Posts: 20232

Posted: 20 December 2008 at 11:58am | IP Logged
The yellow fever is doing the rounds, but hopefully I can express myself completely through euphemisms without catching the virus.

Physical relationship is a complex perception. There are some people who culturally find even holding hands or a friendly hug objectionable, while others give a lot more liberty. A consummate marriae rounds all the bases.

Each person ought to have their own personal and moral judgment on how far or less they go. Some people do not even believe in stepping out to play, some people like to score all the way before marriage, because they need the confidence and assurance that they can score successfully again without fear of striking out. I would not say what is the best because it is a very personal choice. However, I think you at least have to cover first base; to have at least some sort of foundation.

Now speaking of cars and marriage. Buying a car is a huge commitment. It is not only the test drive that matters. There are a lot of factors to consider like does it meet your budget, your current needs, it it a brand and dealership you can trust, what sort of warranty it offers. Sometimes even smooth test drives get you into a car that breaks down constantly, and on other times you go far a car that has a bumpy test ride but learn start to love it.

Similarly when you choose a person you want to spend the rest of your life with you have to consider emotional as well as physical compatibility. Whether you have common interests, whether there is mutual trust and respect and a lot of emotional aspects matter. Sometimes the pre-marital physical relationship may be tremendous but the marriage fizzles out because of the utter lack of emotional communication. Other times the physical aspect maybe less than ordinary, but you are so happy to be with that person that you cannot imagine being with anyone else.

Each person has different needs and marriage is a special bond between two people. Some people are ok with some things some are not, it is a very personal choice. Finally every car needs tune ups, maintainence etc. make sure to give your relationship the TLC it needs too.

I think it is more advisable to think of relationships in terms of physical intimacy and use your own judgment into what you feel is permissible or not. As Gauri pointed out going beyond personal judgment would require us to debate on definitions 'abstinence' and 'virginity' which can run into a lot of gray areas of complications. This is one area I wont go in to because it is impossible to pull out without causing damage ...that is contracting the yellow fever.

Karandel also brought up a very interesting point. The difference between marriage and living together has been diluted. As karandel points out this is not completely out of moral bankruptcy or overt sexuality but because people have differning religious and moral beliefs. The contemporary legal and moral definition of marriage is based on modern western monotheistic concepts and are not inclusive of atheistic, mystic, naturalist, paganist etc concepts of marriage. Based on that I personally am against the contemporary institution of marriage because I think it is an overtyly politicized, polarized and religious institute that is not fair, equal or all encompassing. That does not mean I do not belive in committment. Lets just say it is not 'virginity' that is up for debate but the definition of 'marriage' itself that can be debated. In fact that debate is in process globally. But we ought not get too into it.

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