DISCLAIMER: This post is not intended to insult, hurt or offend anyone!! It is just a fun post, watever follows in the script below is purely fictious and only to be taken in a lighter vein.
Some clarifications...........
Nsm- Nj or Naseem or our spln
Nij-Nijal aka missypatel
Aru-Aravi
Sonu-Sonia(dmg_sonia)
Lakky-Lakshmi/meow23
Hinna-Hinnu Di
Jia-ME!! Haha
Once upon a time''..............
Under the blissfully cool shadows of the huge banyan tree, sat she, the one who was known for her magical persona, her calming effect, her never anything but right advice. They would say she had this characteristic charm and this unnerving attitude which would make you smile, make you laugh, make you want to live when your low, her words of wisdom would echo years after you sought them from her. Who was she???
"Kat mata ki jai ho"
"Shhh come here"
Jia looked around and saw Hinna frantically waving her and hushing her, indicating her to come and sit close by.
Sitting down next to her, Jia looked around and saw everyone looking feverishly at the Godly figure sitting in front of them perched on the cold stone under the huge shadowy tree while all of them huddled together on the floor behind her.
"Whats going on?"
"Jiaaa you don't know?" Naseem looked at her with eyes wide open.
"What?"
"Kat mata is expecting some important guests"
"That's no big deal'..all her guests are important. So what?"
"Exactly what i mean" Lakky quipped.
"Jia di these guests are supremely important" Aravi whispered.
"But who are they?" Sonia cut in.
"Hmm even we don't know''.but they are very important"
"Surely mata would know?" Nsm spoke up.
"No even she doesn't know, its some unexpected arrival" Hinna offered.
"So who's betting me today that she will open her eyes?" Nijal suddenly spoke up.
"Nij not today" Hinna warned.
"But why cant we have fun?" Nij grumbled.
"Because we know Mata never opens her eyes, she will give her advice as usual without even seeing her seekers. That's what makes her so unique" a quite voice interrupted.
"Krati? When did you come?" Jia exclaimed.
"Just now, as followers of Mata we are expected to be around right when some important guests are expected?"
"Ok ok girls hush now we don't want to offend mata early morning" Sonia muttered.
"Yea shhhh" Aravi giggled.
"Put a finger on your lips" Lakky joined in.
"Someone would say we are a bunch of teenagers come for a picnic" Nsm glared around .
"So are we supposed to wait in silence till these VIP guests arrive?" Nijal rolled her eyes.
"Unfortunately yes" Krati elbowed Nij.
An unnerving hush fell over the place, where one could here nothing but the slight rustle of leaves as Katmata continued to meditate oblivious to her background din.
A screeching sound, a thud of doors being shut and a voice
"Singh is King Singh is king Singh is King"
"Huh? Who was that?" Jia whispered
"I know this voice'" Hinna closed her eyes in concentration.
"Oh yes yes''its'....."
"Akshay kumar?" Sonia muttered in disbelief.
"So this was her guest of honour?" Krati looked disgruntled.
"Seems so'" Nij added drily.
All the followers gaze at dark, tall handsome male standing in front of them, giving his trademark grin, showing off his white teeth.
"Show off" Nsm whispered under her breath.
"Shh Kat mata will feel offended" Aravi muttered.
"But why is he grinning so much'..even I have my set of 32 shinning" Nsm countered.
Akki: Pranam mata (bowing down he looks up grinning)
Mata: Jeeto raho (eyes still closed)
"She peeped!!!" Aravi almost shouted.
"Araviiii" Hinna looked warningly.
"Di she opened her eyes and peeped"
"Mata never opens her eyes" Krati spoke in glaring at Aravi.
"But Di I saw'."
"Aravi ''Mata might ask you to get up and go......." Jia butt in warningly.
"But I saw''" Aravi wailed.
"Me too, you know the left eye......." lakky started.
"Aru,lakky shhhh" Jia soothingly whispered.
"Well'..considering its Akshay Kumar, you never know" Hinna whispered giggling.
"I knew it.............isnt it obvious??" Nij spoke up in a bored tone.
"Meaning?" Sonu looked at her wide eyed.
"Meaning Kata mata would open her eyes someday, now with Akki here lets see" Nij winked.
"Want to bet?" Nij added dangerously.
"I am a game" Nsm winked back.
"But why is this Akki bhai standing so quietly?"Jia broke into the gaming air.
"I know, lets see when he opens his mouth" Sonu giggled.
(Back to Akki-Mata)
Akki: Mata I have come to seek your blessings today, it's a very auspicious day today, Mata for my new film, I seek your divine blessings.
Everyone waited with baited breath as he gave his little speech.
Mata: Hmmm your new film has no Katrina Kaif''so will it work?
Her sharp voice filled the air and her followers gazed at her with admiration.
"Finally she speaks" Nij whispered somewhere in the background.
Akki: Mata'.(surprised) but the heroine is good.
Mata: Oh yes she is''no doubt she is great but still, I can see the stars'''.which film are you talking about'..Jumbo?
"She peeped again" roared a delightful Aravi only to have her mouth covered by a skillful Hinna sitting behind her.
Akki: (looking aghast) Mata Jumbo has a heroine? (frowning)
Akki: No Mata I was talking about Chandni Chowk to China.
Mata: Ahhh that one''hmmm cant say much.
Akki: Mata please, tell me whatever you want I will do, but I need it to be a hit.
"Hasnt he got enough hits already" Krati whispered.
"I know'.." Sonu shook her head.
"Shhhh" Hinna warned again. "Listen"
Mata: Hmmm there might be one way'.(thoughtfully eyes still closed)
Akki: Really? Mata I'll do anything.
Mata: it is a difficult path beta (she murmured shaking her head)
Akki: Mata I have come a long way seeking your blessing and specially today'.
"Why does he have to keep specifying today, today''.?" Jia muttered furiously.
"I agree, just when we want to keep it a surprise!!" Krati answered softly.
"He surely doesnt know how to keep a secret" lakky muttered fiercely.
Mata: (waving her hands) Ok putar, get ready'..
Letting out a giggle Hinna furiously tried to stifle her laughter.
"Imagine calling your crash Putar" Hinna explained getting a few raised brows.
"Crush!!!!" Voices cried in union.
"Yes yes, our Akki is our Mata's crush" she winked.
"Hinna, how can you say such stuff about Mata" Jia looked bewildered.
"Oh comeon JJ , everyone needs to have some fun" Nij thumped her back.
"Hushhh" Sonu whispered.
Mata: (in deep concentration) Putar, all you have to do is take my name Kat, in my Shahrukh style'..K'K'.K'.Kat.
Peals of laughter hushed at the same moment could be heard.
"See I told you all, crushy crush" Hinna whispered pompously.
"Whats that my SRK???" Aravi pondered.
"Another favourite" Nij offered battling her eyelashes.
"Arre yet Kat mata toh chuppi rustum nikli huh" Nsm giggled.
"Have some respect" Hinnu smiled wickedly winking at her.
(Back to Akki, sorry for the interruptions)
Akki: Copy SRK? But''but how'.(stammering)
"Whats so difficult?" Nij scoffed. "Like this toh all the time he is competing with him"
"Maybe he is building it up" Jia joined in.
Mata: Girls''.(holds up her hand) I can very hear your pleasant murmurs, my eyes maybe closed, my ears aren't.
"Even your eyes aren't closed Mata, not with Akki standing there" Hinna muttered only to set Aravi in squeals of laughter.
"Aru" everyone chorused .
Mata: Yes beta, that is the only solution.
Akki: Ok mataaa''K'K'Katmata. Today I cant refuse you and your advise means the world to me.
Mata: So start.............
Akki: K'.K'Kat Mata.
Mata: Naah, not that musical, no passion at all'..
"She opened her eyes again" Aravi whispered leaning close to Jia.
"Ofcourse she will" Jia winked back.
Akki: K'..K'.Kat mata (sounding hopefully, sweating a lot)
Mata: Nope bacha, it just doesn't hold that passion.
"Haila Mata is smiling" Sonia looked around grinning and yet disbelievingly.
"I knew it, yeh toh hona he tha" Nij spoke up amusingly.
"She is enjoying this tease right" Nsm asked quietly.
"Ofcourse she is, you don't have Akki at your feet everyday." Hinna offered.
"Look he is still stammering" Jia exclaimed.
Akki: K'..K'at mata.
Mata: No no''.*Sigh*
A new voice suddenly interrupts the K session going on. All heads turn to see the source of this interruption.
"Its K''K'.K'K'..Kat mata" he quietly spoke, his brilliant sparkling gaze looking at the wide eyed ones. He smiled, a dimple setting in on his left cheek.
"SHAHRUKH!!!!!" Aravi nearly jumped only to be held by a few firm hands.
Mata: That's perfect. (sighing happily)
"I bet she is about to open her eyes any minute" Nsm observed.
"Diiii its SRK!!!!" aravi interrupted.
"Aru relax, though even I can't believe its him" Sonu muttered.
"Exactly Di'." Aru sank down gazing at him.
"Aru relax" Jia patted her back.
"But Di its SRK!!"
"Jiaaa its SRK!!! I completely agree with Aru................." lakky chimed.
"Aru shhh" warned Hinna.
Mata: (Moving her eyelids restlessly) That was perfect, who is it??
"As if she doesn't know" Nsm giggled.
SRK: Mata its me, the original K tone initiator. King himself, Sharukh, not some Singh who is King (eyeing Akki darkly)
Mata: Shahrukh, welcome welcome putra. What can I do for you?
Akki: Mata I thought it was me seeking your advice (in a small voice)
Mata: Yes beta, but I cannot deny others my help can i? this poor soul has come just like you, from far away, just to see me.......... (she smiled)
SRK: exactly my K'.K'K'Katmata
Mata beamed.
Mata: tell me my Shahrukh, I mean my putra, what can I do for you?
"My Srk??? My putra?" Sonu echoed.
"I told you, yaha par dal kali hai" Krati giggled.
"Dal kali hai ya dil??' Lakky giggled
"Dil hamara kala hai" Nij wickedly smiled.
Mata: Girls!!!
Mata: So yeah Shahrukh, bol putra.
SRK: Mata, as you know I am growing old, I need all your blessings now so that I still remain the king'.always............
Akki: (humming) Singh is King'' Singh is King'lalala
SRK: (glaring) SRK is king'..lalala'
"My Arjun is King" Hinna muttered under her breath.
"Huh?" heads turned towards and she lightly shrugged off.
Mata: Well bacha, your six pack already got you some acclodes, I think you should try for eight pack now.
A murmur of interest rose behind her while Akki burst into laughter.
Akki: Mata, eight pack?? And him?? He is growing old!!
Mata: I would like it if you do not interfere in my matters and clients.
Akki: ok ok Mata, but still'..hahaha
SRK: (looking scandalized.) Mata eight pack??? Mata but''
Mata: It's the only way out Putra, an eight pack''
Akki: I told you king, Singh is king, I wonder though how those eight packs will look, six pack were'..ahem ahem'..
"Exactly" Nijal muttered giggling.
"Shhh"
Akki: (continued in the same tone) King bhai you need a body like me for carrying them.
SRK: And who says I don't have a body, I will do exactly as Mata says (he countered Akki in a cool tone)
Akki: You will no doubt, but still you need a built like me to carry abs'..(proudly pointing his chest)
"Says who???" A husky new voice filled the air which was recognized only too well by two followers.
"OMG it cant be him!!!" Jia whispered faintly.
"Its him" Sonu replied in the same tone clutching Jia's hand.
"Girls relax" Hinna warned.
"But Hinni'" Jia wailed audibly.
"Jiaaa'..control" Nsm placed an arm on her shoulder.
"We cant control Nj!!! Its him!!" Sonu whispered fiercely.
"We know its HIM babes but you need to control!! Don't forget he is married too and is come here just seek Katmata's blessings!!" Krati butt in.
"Do you have to remind me such unpleasant truths?" Jia breathed.
"Di control"Aru offered. "Though even I cant take my eyes off him, haiyaaa"
"But its not possible is it Jiz and Aru??" Sonu grinned.
"Hey count me in.............its HIM!!!" *Faints* lakky breathed.
"Exactly" Jia and Aru agree nodding their heads.
"This was expected" Nij giggled, "Afterall its Karan Singh Grover who is come, ohh Mata is surely gonna open her eyes now, who can resist three hunks!!"
"Wish my Arjun was here!!" Hinna sighed.
"Wish my Samuel was here" Krati sighed.
"Samual??" Nsm raised a brow.
"Never mind" Krati shook her head.
"No I know which Samuel you are talking about!! Talking about characters, wish my Rhett would come" (dreamily)
"Would you guys keep quite and let us concentrate on Karan" Jia's voice floated.
"Lucky chick, got what she wanted!!" Nij breathed.
"How I wish'.my Arjun''." Hinna started.
"Shhhh three fierce whispers from Aru,Sonu and Jia stopped her.
Ksg: Kat mata I am here, Karan Grover (he drawled'.haiiiii)😆
Mata:Bolo beta, what have you come to seek???
Akki: Hey what about me??? Singh is King.
Ksg:Oye!! I am a Singh and intend to be a king!!
SRK: There is only one king and that's me!!
KSG: And I will soon be there.
Akki: Just by being compared to him doesn't make you a king.
Mata: Betas, please don't spoil my mood!!
"Sorry Mata"
Mata: Ya'.so'..
"She peeped again" Aru whispered.
"I don't blame her" Jia answered her eyes glued.
"Nor do I" Sonu chimed in.
"Not with your Greek God in front of her" Nsm offered.
Mata: Karan putra what do want bta???
KSG: Mata I have come to seek your blessings to have a happy married life and have a successful career in films and tellywood.
"What a blessing to ask for??? Happy married life??" Jia couldn't help but mutter.
"Sorry honey, no chance in this birth" Nij whispered comfortingly.
"I know'" Sonu sighed.
"Poor us" Aru joined.
"I swear" lakky echoed ruefully.
Mata: Aww Beta I will surely grant you those blessings, and give you a list of a few great fashion studios too!!
KSG: (confused) fashion studios??? Why??
Mata: Beta for future references?? For you and your wife'..errrm family and as you progress you might need''..
KSG: (Looking doubtful) Ok Mata, as you say''
Akki: Arre yaar, you cant just become a hero you know'.
KSG: Why re??? Bol??? I have looks, body, charm everything!!!
"Exactly!!" Jia and Sonu breathed.
"He indeed has it'." Aru whispered in a daze.
"They indeed have it badly" Nsm whispered looking at three dazed faces next to her.
"I know''." Nij muttered.
Akki: Arre Looks-vooks is fine, you should know how to act!! (he pompously looked around)
SRK: And you think you can act???
Akki: Who said I cant??? And SRK bhai you please don't interfere, you cant even carry six packs properly.
SRK: Mind your tongue Akki. I act 100 times better then you!!
KSG: Cut it, bottom line'..I have a body, a six pack and I can act!! Which means''
Akki: Which means nothing!! Want to see who's body is better!!
KSG: Yea sure ( begins to remove his shirt)
SRK: Arre Akki comeon take of yours too (in an amusing tone)
Mata" Guys guys, betas!!! What are you doing,I have young ladies sitting behind me!!
KSG: So what I am sure they wont have any issues!! Will you ladies?? (Winking)
"OMG he winked" Jia faintly whispered.
"I know'." Sonu sighed.
"Haha lets see for how long Mata keeps her eyes closed" Nij muttered gleefully.
"She resisted till now is a great achievement itself" Hinna observed
(Cut too our boys, now shirtless, *Sigh*)
SRK: Wow, you guys!! Amazing body huh, wish my friends Karan Johar and Saif were here, we would have had a great time!! Though you both did Salman Khan proud today!!
KSG: Karan Johar??? Why you want him to make another Dostana with us???
Mata: Gosh, guys stop this!! (Fluttering her eyelids dangerously.)
Mata: Do you want me to banish you all from seeking me never again?? (She continued in a warning note)
"Exactly what a way to present yourselves in front of mata!!" a new voice floated yet again, causing necks to strain and a faint whisper.
"OMG I cant believe its him!!" Hinna faintly murmured!!
"A dream come true???" Nsm whispered holding Hinna.
"I cant believe this!!" Hinna muttered , eyes wide ready to pop out any minute!!
"Him???" Jia and Sonu looked at each other in disbelief!!
"Whats he doing here?" Aru asked rolling hereyes.
"I thought we had only handsome hunks here!!"Jia muttered.
"Shutup" Hinna spoke up.
"He is handsome JJ" Nij comfortingly drawled.
"My Samuel'..wish he was here'" Krati sighed.
"And my Rhett!!" Nsm joined.
"Looks like our wishes would remain unfulfilled!!" Krati spoke drily.
"Girls just watch him move" Hinna's voice cut in.
"Yea yea"Sonu looked away.
"Who wants to see an uncle??" Jia muttered darkly.
"Just what did you say?" Hinna furiously challenged.
"Nothing nothing" Aru hastily covered up.
"My Arjun, way to go!!!'." Hinna breathed.
In an elegant stride, a few long locks combed up carelessly he walked past them, giving the two semi-clothed guys a dark look and a flashing smile to SRK.
Mata: Can I gather its Arjun Rampal? Listening to My follower Hinna's mild gushing??
Arjun: Mataa (bowing down) yes its me''please forgive my fellowmen for their shameless behavior, we came here for a cause'..(giving darklooks to other three)
KSG: just look at him, no muscle no charm and speaking for us'.
Akki: I know dude'.. (nodding his head darkly)
SRK: Guys chill''.we don't want to annoy Mata.
Arjun: Mata I have come here for a cause'.and so have the others'..
"That's my Arjun" Hinna whispered proudly.
"We all know the others were buying time till your Arjun darling arrived" Jia shot back fiercely.
"Ok Ok no point fighting, lets see what they do!!" Nij warned.
Arjun: So guys shall we??
SRK: Oh yes'.
KSG: Bring it on buddy.
Akki: Just what we have been waiting for!!
Out came a box and all four spoke in chorus.
"We came here to wish you a VERY VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!"
Her eyes flew open and "OMG" flew from her mouth.
She looked around and saw the dazzling smiles of her followers and the cake right in front of her!!
The young ladies got up and joined the guys and we all gather here today to...............
"WISH YOU A MANY MANY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY KAT"
Editor: Aravi
Poem courtesy: Aravi
A special thanks to all my hunks for gracing their presence here today on this special occassion.😆
And lastly a very big thankyou to my nutters whom i have shamelessly brought into the picture!! Thanku ladies, Hinna, Krats,Nij,Nsm,Lakky!!! Love you guys!!
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