Joined: 11 August 2008
Joined: 25 June 2006
Joined: 05 July 2005
Joined: 30 August 2008
Joined: 05 November 2008
Joined: 30 August 2008
'Wake up sleepy head! Rahul, coffee. Rahul wake up Baba.' Rahul wakes to look directly in Kakun eyes, her beautiful dark eyes. He lost himself in them in the love that they showed and he returned the look, returned Kakun love but also showed his passion for her.
'Don't look at me like that! I couldn't stay the whole night in your arms as much as I wanted to, can you imagine if Maa or Mum found me sleeping in your arms! Anyway get up now, here drink your coffee before it gets cold.' She passes the mug to him, chatting quickly to hide her nervousness being around him, shy after the night she had spent with him. 'You were so deeply asleep it was funny and when I tried to get out from under you you just held me'..,' Kakun stops, goes red and changes the topic, 'I didn't have the heart to wake you. Do you know you snore slightly?' Kakun laughs nervously for Rahul is just looking at her, 'hey stop looking like that at me-I'm not a mirage.'
Rahul puts his cup down and turns to Kakun and pulls her into his arms both of them falling backwards on the cushions.
'Rahul!' Kakun squeaks
'But you are a mirage that's why I have to do this!' he captures her lips with his own. Several minutes later 'air, I need air Rahul!' they come apart and look at each other both laugh.
Rahul brushes hair off Kakun face, 'So you thought you could leave me did you? Did you not think what I would feel, to wake up without you next to me? Did you not think I might be frighten or sacred to wake up alone? You promised to stay by my side forever, you promised me Kakun.' Rahul ask Kakun seriously
'Oh my love of course I did and I kept my promise, you didn't wake up alone; I am here am I not and I did wake you up. I promise you'll never be alone my love that time is over for us.' Kakun head comes down, 'let me show you how I intend to wake you up from now on.' Her lips touch Rahul and he lost again in the emotions that only Kakun brought out in him.
'Rahul. Rahul, wake up.' A hand shakes his shoulder.
Rahul turns his head, smiles and opens his eyes longing to see his love, his heart desire, his Kakun. He gets a shock as he sees who had waken him his ears begin to go red, he gulps and takes a quick peek to the side of him to make sure he's alone and Kakun not there beside him.
'Ah morning Devi Aunty. Hmm were you looking for Ka' looking for me?' Rahul ears had turned red and so was his neck, embarrassed to be caught in this position, 'thank the Lord that Kakun had moved.'
'Umm lovely morning.' Rahul groans in his head, 'you idiot what you mean lovely morning the sun hasn't even come up!' Rahul looks up to see that Devi is looking at the terrace; the pink and white carnation fluttering in the air, the candles that had burned all night, many of them out but a few clinging on as givers of light, these small pockets of light trying to survive in otherwise darkness. A chill runs down Rahul back.
Devi quietly, 'I brought you a cup of coffee.' she looks down but not before Rahul sees that her eyes are red; the redness of crying all night but they held fresh tears, unshed tears that were waiting, just waiting to fall. Rahul heart stops, a coldness begins to steep within him, a premonition that what was to come would destroy him.
'Where is Kakun? Where is Kakun Devi Aunty?' Rahul ask trying to hide the anxiety in his voice- he fails too.
Devi just looks down unable to meet Rahul eyes.
His heart frozen, 'Tell me' he commands sternly to Devi, 'Tell me!'
Devi looks up quickly and those waiting tears fall from her eyes as she watches Rahul face; he was shutting out all emotion leaving his face utterly blank, knowing already what was once again to come; the pain of abandonment once more. How would he survive this time after being so close to everything? Oh my poor boy, my poor, poor boy. You will break again but so has my Kakun and she has been broken too many times that no matter what your pain is she must come 1st now, no matter what.
Devi holds a letter out to Rahul, 'if you need anything'..'
Rahul looks at the letter as though it is a snake, ready to strike him, to cause him torturous pain and then death; death of emotion, death of dreams, death of the life he wanted with the one that he loved. His hand slowly reaches out and takes it. He doesn't notice Devi leaving him, doesn't notice a cold wind blowing, tumbling down the flowers he had put up so happily and eagerly the night before. He didn't notice that all but 1 candle remain lit, he didn't notice the darkness for nothing compared to the darkness within him. His eyes and mind are focused on the white envelope in his hand, with trembling fingers it opens the flap and pulls out the folded white paper.
Minutes pass Rahul is unable to open and read what is written, he knows to the very bottom of his heart that the words written would change his life forever. He wanted to hold on to the reality of last night, of this morning; the reality that was slowly disappearing that any moment now Kakun would come up, telling him this was just a nightmare, that she was here as she promised by his side.
Rahul crushes the letter to his chest, waiting, waiting for her to come. Closing his eyes against the tears building up, he lowers his head to his chest, 'Kakun come to me, you are my love, my chahhat. Please, please my love be here, be with me.' Rahul waits desperately, hope still beating in him that miracles are possible. 'Wasn't this night a miracle? Wasn't he and Kakun finally together a miracle? He finally believed in them so couldn't he have just 1 more miracle, wasn't that how the story went, 3 wishes, so 3 miracles?' He opened his eyes, nothing had changed but he knew everything had changed for him once again.
Rahul leaps out the bed, unable to stay a moment longer; the place where he had held his Kakun, where they had shared their dreams and hope for the future together, he couldn't bare it. Even Kakun was scent taunting him; for this is all you have left of her, a memory, a whisper.
He reaches the terrace, his heart racing, trying to breath feeling suffocated but as he looks out to the sky the colours fading from the darkness to light, that in between stage where dreams and reality merged, he freezes his anxiety for he knew it would do him no good not until he knew what Kakun had written, not until he knew why once again she had left him broken.
Rahul knew that reading the letter his dreams would be over, and as the sun rose so would the reality of his life without Kakun rise too. He takes a deep breath and another and tries to prepares himself for what is written.
'My darling love, forgive me for what I am doing and believe me when I say that I had no intention of doing this. This has been the most wonderful night of my life and I had made my decision that no matter what, no matter the pain it might cause I would spend the rest of my life with you.
Aman had destroyed so much of me that I thought I would never, could never recover, but your love, your love gave me back what I had lost; my izaat, my heart, my soul for I realised they belonged to you and as long as you held them nothing could ever harm me again.
You have no idea the happiness and joy you filled within me; your understanding, your care, your protection, your love, all for me? I finally understood what I meant to you and that knowledge eased away all my pain, all my doubts, all my troubles and I was yours totally and utterly to do as you will for I knew you would bring nothing but happiness into my life.
But my love how could I take the love you were offering to me away from an innocent? How could I hurt someone that of no fault of theirs would've been destroyed by our love?'
Rahul looks puzzled by this but reads on
'that would make me no different then Aman, who put his own selfish needs first and in the process destroyed so many lives.
You must be wondering what I'm talking about? Or who I'm talking about? I'm talking about your child, yours and Naina unborn child.'
Rahul is shocked!
'Naina said you didn't know about her pregnancy. And I wouldn't of known had I not heard her make an appointment to have an abortion. Don't blame Naina, she tried to convince me that it didn't matter, that nothing mattered but us being together. But I could see the pain in her eyes at the thought of destroying the life within her and make no mistake Rahul it is a life within her, a life created by the 2 of you!
A small beautiful baby, your baby is growing in Naina, the rights and wrongs no longer matter. Who loves who no longer matter. All that matters is this new life, this tiny new life, innocent and pure; how could I ask this life to give it's life to me? To say that you have no right to exist for this is my life, this is my turn? That Rahul belongs to me and only me, and you have no right over him.'
I couldn't take that away, not from your child. The child I know that you'd love and cherish, that you will open your heart to. Your child Rahul, the daughter we talked about last night remember? Who would roshan her father name not only in her studies and work but in her family and her susral. That dream of yours has become a reality Rahul, she is coming to you.
As for us; our story was always incomplete; whether it was Kolkatta, or Amritsa, whether it was Naina or Aman, something always came in our way and we were never able to complete our story. Maybe that is why the only gawa to our story, to our love has been our chand. For like the chand, which looks so close that we think we can reach up and touch it, to be able to bring it down on to this world, into our lives but that isn't possible Rahul, just not possible and our love is the same it is not possible, it can never be completed no matter how close we come to it.
We were 2 strangers that happened to meet and shared the same journey but our destinations are alag alag and last night was the end of my journey with you as my companion. We part here and have already become old memories for as the sun rises we will make new memories, memories that do not hold either one of us in them. Yours will be filled with your child Rahul, so that in the years to come that is all that you will remember of this night; that you found out that you had become a father.
You hate me now, you think that I'm lying, that once again I am putting someone else before you, all I can ask is for your forgiveness. Forgive me my love for the pain I am causing you but understand that I will never change my mind. This may not feel right to any of us and will cause pain which we all thought had ended, but Rahul this is not about us anymore or our hurt and pain but about the new life that is coming and what is best for her.
I love you Rahul, have always loved you, will always love you and I know you love me to, that belongs to us alone. But there is now a 3rd that deserves your love, that has a right on your love, a right that is far greater then mine and I cannot, will not be the cause of any hurt to this innocent life!
Do not try and seek me out, for both my heart and mind are in agreement with my decision and you would cause nothing but more pain for the both us as I will never come back and all you would've show me was that you have learnt nothing about love, about me, that all your words this night were just lies! You would've ended up doing the 1 thing I thought was impossible, destroyed what Aman had been unable too; my love for you, my belief in you.'
Rahul crushes the letter to his chest, bending over, sobbing at the pain tearing him apart, he falls to the floor. 'Is this what Kakun felt when Aman raped her? This unimaginable pain crushing through your every sense, destroying your mind and heart? That all you want to do is curl up into a ball and die?'
Time passes and Rahul sits there still, his mind blank, like a rock there is no movement, just stillness.
A hand touches him on the shoulder, hesitantly, 'Rahul?'.' Naina voice slowly calls out, 'Rahul?''
Rahul eyes look up and see's Naina face however he does not see the dark circles under her eyes, or the pain in her face all he sees is the cause of his terrible pain, the cause of his broken dreams, the cause of him losing Kakun, this time forever. Rage boils in him, Naina steps back frightened by what she sees in his face, Rahul leaps ups and catches Naina by her throat.
'DID YOU TELL HER?' Rahul demands.
'DID YOU TELL HER THAT I SLEPT WITH YOU ONLY THAT ONCE?'
'DID YOU TELL HER THAT IT WAS HER I SAW AS MY DULHAN NOT YOU?'
'DID YOU TELL HER THAT EVERY TOUCH I MADE TO YOU IT WAS HER THAT I WAS TOUCHING?
'DID YOU TELL HER THAT EVERY KISS IT WAS HER I WAS KISSING?'
'DID YOU TELL HER THAT I DIDN'T SEE YOU, I SAW ONLY HER, KAKUN, MY KAKUN?'
'DID YOU TELL HER THAT IT WAS HER NAME I CALLED OUT, HER NAME, KAKUN. KAKUN. KAKUN.'
'DID YOU TELL HER THAT I TOLD YOU I WOULD ONLY EVER WANT HER-NEVER YOU!?'
Tears fall from Naina eyes, Rahul takes his hand away from her throat and turns away unable to look at her.
'I tried to Rahul, I did try to tell her, but she was adamant that she would not take you away from the life growing inside me, from the life that we as a family would have. I tried Rahul believe me I tried.' Naina has flashback to a few hours ago;
'Please Sanju you've just got to do it asap! The longer it goes on the greater the chance of someone finding out and I can't let that happen, I just can't!' Naina listens, 'I know that this is what I've always wanted but it was a mistake; you don't know what Kakun has been through and I'm not going to take her happiness away because of 1 night that should never of happened. 1 night which Rahul drunk thought he was making love to his Kakun not me. And because of that they have to suffer? No Sanju I'm not that selfish that I'll put this baby that should never of been before their happiness- I want an abortion'' A glass can be heard smashing, Naina twirls around and see's Kakun.
Kakun face has gone white with shock, Naina closes the phone, 'Kakun'..' she calls
'Are you pregnant Naina?' Kakun ask hesitantly
Naina just looks at her, 'Kakun please you don't understand''
'Are you pregnant Naina?' Kakun ask her again, her voice firmer, she walks slowly towards Naina, she cuts her foot on a piece of glass but doesn't feel the pain.
'Are you pregnant Naina? Pregnant with Rahul child? Pregnant with the child of the man that you love so deeply? Your husband child?' Kakun stands in front of her seeing the truth in Naina eyes before she brings the lie to her lips,
'No of course not Kakun! Rahul and I'. Our relationship isn't like that. He loves you and only you.' Naina puts all the conviction she can into her words.
'Naina oh my Naina' Kakun closes her eyes preparing herself for what she must face, 'Do you think I cannot see the truth in your eyes?' Naina opens her mouth to protest, 'No Naina don't hurt yourself anymore by lying to me, I heard everything and I know that it was just that 1 night. I know that Rahul thought it was me but Naina it was you and nothing can change that. Nothing changes the fact that you are pregnant with Rahul child. Not me, not Rahul and not you.'
'Kakun don't throw your love away on an accident, a mistake. Please! Rahul couldn't survive you leaving him again not this time when he is so close to having all that he has ever wanted- you and him together forever. Don't do it Kakun, I'm begging you.' Naina tells Kakun desperately, Kakun smiles, a sad smile and Naina can see that Kakun had made up her mind.
'I'm going to have the abortion whether you want me or not Kakun. I'm not giving up my life for something that was a mistake, that means nothing to me! So you'd be just wasting your time if you think leaving Rahul will change any of this because it won't.' Naina tells Kakun angrily.
'Oh Naina, don't lie to me, I can see it in your eyes that your baby has already captured you heart. The idea of getting rid of it is tearing you apart and that is as it should be. A baby brings beauty, love, joy, peace, it is a blessing. Naina any child is a gift from Rab; it doesn't matter the circumstances of it being here, a baby is not bothered by that all it wants is love, love of its mother, love of its father, your love, Rahul love. It is as simply as that; this baby is meant to be and that Naina is the truth that all 3 of us must accept.
'Naina Rahul will be hurt and angry, but your love for him, your patience, your baby will bring him back, will bring back all the joy and love that for a little time he will close himself off from. But that is only a drop of unhappiness compared to the happiness that this baby will bring to Rahul, to you, to this pariwar. Remember Naina you promised me that you would look after Rahul, love him and take care of him for me, you promised.' Flashback to bathroom scene where Kakun made Naina promise.
Naina is hypnotised by Kakun words, by the understanding in her voice, tears fall for she cannot deny the truth in Kakun words; she wanted this baby so much! She wanted Rahul and her to bring up their baby, Kakun understood that and knew that for that to happen she would have to sacrifice once again her own dreams and this time forever. 'Kakun it's not fair to you. After so much pain you deserve your happy ending. It is your right!' Naina protest trying 1 more time.
'Oh my sweet Naina.' Kakun holds her in her arms and whispers, 'What is fair, what we deserve, what is our right is not in our hands. He is the greater of all Planners- we have no understanding of His plan. But I know Naina, I know that you and Rahul are meant to be together and this baby is proof of that. So no more arguments my decision is made.'
'I will leave at 1st light and it will be up to you to look after him' Kakun voice breaks, 'I won't see him; he'll try to change my mind and he won't be able to and his anger can be fierce, I don't want him to say something to you, to hurt you.'
Naina cries on Kakun shoulder; tears not for herself but for Kakun and Rahul. For the pain that they will go through because of her. For the complete and utter lost of all hope that they 2 would be together as this night had promised. For the promise she made to herself of not being the one to keep them apart; that she would unite them which would now never happen. Naina cried, cried for so much lost.
'Shhh, hush now this isn't good for the baby. Naina enough, lets go.' Kakun tells Naina.
'Go? Go where?' Naina replies emotionally wrung out.
'The place where every child finds love and comfort- our Mothers.' Kakun says leading Naina to Devi and Gayo; for she knew they would support her decision and look after Naina'.. Look after Rahul once she had gone.
'Go Naina! Just go, leave me alone before I do something unforgivable. GO!.' Rahul says bitterly, Naina watches him; tears falling at his suffering, suffering because of her, because of her inability to keep the promise she had made to bringing Rahul and Kakun together, 'Forgive me Rahul; believe me I never intended this; I wanted you and Kakun together, I never wanted to gain you against your will, forgive me.' she ask silently then turns and slowly walks away from him.
'Rahul she did what she had to do. She did what was right no matter what the cost to her or her happiness.' Devi says quietly.
'What about me? What about my happiness? But she never considered that did she? She made a decision about my life, my future, my happiness without even asking me! Were is that fair or just? She can do what she likes with her life but she has no right to make those decisions about mine! She had no right to leave me, leave my life empty and aching!' Rahul shouts to Devi.
'She had that right Rahul, you gave her that right when you declared your love in front of all us. You gave her that right when you sheltered her in your arms all night. You gave her the right to make this decision, a decision you would've been unable to make.' Devi tells Rahul; her heart breaking at the torment she sees in his eyes.
Devi has flashback to her last moments alone with Kakun;
'Kakun are you sure? Speak to Rahul maybe there is away out. Maybe Naina really doesn't want the baby.'
Kakun lifts her head from her mother shoulder and looks at her,
'You didn't want me Maa? Then tell me why did you fight everyone to have me; you fought with Nani, with Society, the stigma of being an unwed mother and you would've kept me, so explain to me why Naina wouldn't want her own baby?'
'You can't Maa, if I've learnt anything from you it's the importance of a child to its mother, no matter how the child was conceived. I know that if you had the chance you would've wanted to bring me up with you and my father, as a family. So tell me Maa how can I cheat Rahul child of that right? Of being brought with a mother and father, Dada, Dadi, the entire pariwar. I was brought up that way for 24 years Maa and it was the most amazing experience, everything I am today is because of that; because of the love of both my parents and my Ghosh pariwa.'
'Kakun Naina doesn't have to have an abortion; she could give the child to you and Rahul to bring up or bring it up herself with Rahul having full visiting rights or'..' Devi says desperately, wanting to change Kakun mind for she knew that her decision would cause so much pain to Kakun, to Rahul and she didn't want them to suffer anymore.
'Could you of given me up Maa that you think Naina could? And to her sautun? Can you imagine what it would do to her to see me and Rahul raising her child, us being a family, the place she wanted, the place that was hers by rights? And a child split between 2 mothers? How do you explain to a child that your parents divorced before you were born, that Daddy loved his 2nd wife more then you, but he still loves you. Maa do you think I have not looked for a solution?
Do you think after all that I have been through, to finally have my Rahul so close to me, to have my dreams a reality that I would just abandon them just like that?!' Kakun clicks her fingers. 'You all think I am this selfless person, so mahan but I'm not I'm selfish too; I have fought for Rahul for so long, even against himself. You know he didn't want me, you know that he tried everything to get rid of me, to destroy my love for him but in the end I won, I won his love, he loved me the way I loved him!' Kakun closes her eyes as the memories of Rahul loving her past and present flood her. She sees herself lying in his arms on the terrace, so happy and at peace for she knew that finally she and Rahul were together now and nothing could separate them, nothing. 'How wrong I was.' she whispers to herself.
'How many times have I sacrificed my love? And each time has destroyed me, for each time I have to deal with the knowledge that I have hurt Rahul, that I have caused pain to that person who owns my soul!' Kakun cannot stop her agony from entering her voice, tears falling, 'do you know all I want to do is run away with him, go anywhere were it is just the 2 of us were the outside world cannot intrude, cannot take us away from each other, this is what I want Maa-I want our happy ending after so much pain, I want what I read in fairy tales, my prince, I WANT MY RAHUL!' Kakun weeps collapsing in her mother arms, 'I want my Rahul.'
Devi holds her child, crying with her daughter for her broken dreams, her broken heart, her broken love. The bitter truth was that Kakun was right that there was no solution to this; Devi knew exactly what Naina had been going through; how could she destroy her own child? Or give it up? But could Kakun do what was needed? Could she once again, this time forever sacrifice her love, her happiness, her future? Did she have that much strength left in her to destroy Rahul happiness, his dreams once again?
Kakun speaks, her voice husky from crying, exhausted, resting her head on her mother shoulder, taking comfort from that love. 'I only have my believes Maa, and if I put the pain aside they are telling me that this is right, that Rahul, Naina and their baby belong together. I have accepted this Maa and so will everyone else, so will Rahul, I will not change my mind.' Kakun lifts her head, 'promise me Maa, promise you'll make Rahul understand that I am right. Promise to take care of him, to ease his pain. Promise to help him and Naina come together.' Devi choked with tears nods, 'I promise.'
Kakun lifts her head and clasps her mother hand, 'Promise you will not ask me to stay here with you. Promise you will let me go.' Devi shocked tries to pull her hand out of Kakun. 'You have to promise me Maa, I can't live here for it would never end for any of us. Only by me leaving Amritsar will Rahul and Naina have a chance, only by me leaving will Rahul accept his responsibilities.'
Devi looks at her daughter, she was asking her mother to sacrifice her child once again, 'how many times am I to lose you Kakun? How many children am I suppose to live without?' She looks at Kakun and sees how that strain of these last few hours had place on her, 'my daughter has sacrificed so much, is it really too much for me to do this for her?'
'I promise, whatever you want, whatever helps you I'll do it.'
Kakun tries to smile but can't, 'I'm going to Kolkatta I need to see Dadu after that I don't know but I'll keep in contact Maa, not even for the baby will I lose you again! But you have to promise you won't tell Rahul where I am. You must do everything to convince him my decision is right.' Devi nods.
Kakun asks quietly, 'Maa can I lie in your arms for a little while?' like a small girl sacred after waking from a nightmare, except Kakun one is a living nightmare. Devi cradles her daughter, rocking her as she was a small child, both storing memories for time was against them and this moment was all that they had.
Devi wipes her eyes as the memory of her daughter pain is still fresh, still beats within her, she keeps her promise to Kakun;
'Could you make the decision to choose between your unborn child and Kakun? Can you ask Naina to have an abortion? To give up her child so that you and Kakun can be together, raise a child together? Can you destroy that innocent life? Destroy Naina life? Ask Kakun to live with the guilt that to gain her you ended the life of your own blood? Kakun would've died! She knew you couldn't make that decision, so she made your choice for you and no matter how hard it is to accept Rahul you have too, you have too for it was what she has always wanted for you.' Devi pleads with Rahul to understand what Kakun had done, why she had done it.
Rahul shakes his head, 'she had no right, no right to leave me like this; to make me believe that all my dreams were finally going to come true, that our love had faced all the tests and passed. She had no right to leave like a chor, to leave without discussing this with me.' Rahul voice rises in anger, 'Well I won't let her get away with it! How easy to leave a letter and runaway, she always runs and everyone praises her, calls it her unselfishness but it isn't she is totally selfish, for she refuses to stay and fight, fight for her right, fight for her love, fight for me.' Rahul closes his eyes, those last 3 words told Devi everything; the agony that Rahul was unable to keep out of his voice, the pain that Kakun hadn't fought for him.
'I need to see her now, I need to make her see reason! There is another option I know there is we just need to think it through. Devi Aunty don't you want to see Kakun happy? Don't you want to see me happy? Do you not believe that our happiness is us being together? Do you really think either one of us would be happy without the other? Can live without the other? Rahul using emotional blackmail on Devi, 'Do you really want to separated from her once again?'
Devi is silent
Rahul loses what little patience he has, 'where is she Devi Aunty, where is she?' Rahul demands.
'I promised her Rahul, I promised I wouldn't tell you, it is a mother's promise. I can't break it Rahul, I can't.' Devi says quietly adamant, tears in her eyes as she watches Rahul in pain.
'I don't care about your promises Devi Aunty; none of this would've happened if you hadn't kept her promised not to tell me that she was your daughter, that the reason she left me, forcing me to marry Naina was because they were sisters!' Devi flinches at the brutality of Rahul words,
The truth of his words hit Devi hard, 'had she been stronger, been a mother to Kakun none of them would be here at this point. Instead it had been a relief to her when Kakun insisted the truth not to come out. Devi had feared the reaction from Dinesh and girls for she loved so very much and couldn't bare the thought of them turning away from her in disgust. I disgust myself, that I was so selfish that I put my needs before my daughter. I shame the name of mother, all that has happened is due to me and my paap!' the agony tears open Devi wounds.
Rahul doesn't care; 'everyone had played a part in his agony, in his loss especially Kakun! He would use whatever means at his disposal to find her, to tell her that she was a liar, a coward, that she didn't deserve him or his love, that he hated her!' Rahul bitterly laughs at his thoughts, for he knew he was lying to himself, knew that once he found her he would plead, beg her to return, that a solution would be found, that nothing mattered but them, that he needed her, couldn't live without her.
Devi battered by Rahul words, by his emotions, by her love for her daughter; wanting her daughter happiness, of wanting to see Kakun and Rahul together, to end the pain for them, knowing that by telling Rahul she would be breaking her promise to Kakun. That by telling Rahul she would be causing untold pain to Naina and her baby but that pain had yet to come and in front of Rahul agony, his torment she surrendered;
'Kolkatta. She's taking the 1st train.' Devi says
Rahul looks at Devi he bends and kisses her on the cheek and whispers, 'thank you.' The leaves, running for he knew time was against him,, he could hear the ticking of each second, echoing his heart beat and knew the race was on.
Devi watches, 'forgive me Kakun but I want Rahul to win I want him to bring you back to me, bring back all your happiness.'
The train stood on the track; an object without feelings but which would ultimately be the cause of Kakun greatest sorrow, for it would take her away from all that she loved; her mother, her pariwar, her Rahul.
Kakun sat on the bench in front of it wrapped in the shawl her Dadu had given her against the morning chill (head covered imagine the 1st time Anurag see's her when he pulls her into the carriage); the black and red one which she wore that 1st time she met Rahul, so long ago, a life time ago. She waited for she knew once she entered the carriage everything was at an end, the life that she had dreamed for so long, that had brought her to Amritsar would be no more. Nothing would remain of her hopes, her dreams, her belief that she and Rahul belonged together but bitter sweet memories.
Kakun sighs, 'what am I waiting for? Do I really believe that Rahul will somehow appear and sweep me of my feet? That he will be able to make everything right? Make everyone happy? After all I've seen, been through, I still believe in happily ever after? Kakun are you still that silly girl who came to Amritsar seeking her love, believing that we were meant to be? Has Aman taught you nothing; that whatever you want is not possible. Your wishes, your dreams are futile for you reach for the chand even though you know you cannot have it. It doesn't belong you, Anurag didn't belong to you nor does Rahul belong to you, no one belongs to you, you are alone, will be alone isn't that the truth, isn't that what Aman tried to tell you. Accept this truth Kakun for in all Aman lies this 1 thing he said was the truth, accept it and leave. Leave those that you love for your love causes nothing but hear ache to them, leave Kakun, leave all your dreams and hopes for they will never come true. You are alone and will always be alone.'
Kakun gets up and slowly walks to the train, each step pierces her heart like a thorn, there are no rose petals for her; she knows that there is no hope left, no going back, she had broken all ties between herself and Rahul.
She reaches the train one hand griping the rail about to step in when she is stopped; something, someone had caught her wrist. Without even turning Kakun knew who it was; as soon as he had touched her she knew who it was, only 1 person touch could make her shiver, make her ache- Rahul.
Unable to turn and look at him, unable to face her love, unable to see his pain Kakun stares into the dark empty foyer of the carriage, the emptiness, the darkness a symbol of her life to come.
'Can you not even look at me Kakun? Have I hurt you that much? Or is it that you are unable to face me; face the destruction you have caused of my life? Do you feel nothing not even guilt for playing with my heart, my emotions, my life? Am I some sort of game to you that whenever you feel like you want me to love you, make me love you then expect me to stop loving you? I never believed you could be so cruel, so hurtful, so selfish''' Rahul tells Kakun his voice raising in the end unable to hide his emotions, not wanting too, wanting Kakun to understand what she is putting him through.
Kakun understands and her soul tears at the pain in Rahul voice, his incomprehension at what she had done to him, she can take no more, she turns to him;
'Ha, ha, ha I am cruel, I am hurtful, I am selfish! I am all of those and more, much much more. I bring pain, I bring destruction and ruination to all those that I love; look what I did to my Ghosh pariwar, look what I did to your pariwar, to Maa pariwar, to Naina, to you! Do you not see, understand that I am unlucky.'
'Aye Kakun.' Rahul says with pain, pain for Kakun and how she saw herself, 'My love you are not unlucky. You are my lucky charm, with you everything is possible in my life,' he strokes the side of her face but Kakun pulls back.
Rahul can see that being gentle with her was not going to work, 'I don't care what you think or what you feel, all I know is that you have no right to hurt me anymore, no right to mess up my life again and you have to put right what you have wronged-me. I don't care about your believes or principles, I don't even care about your pain, all I care is about me and agony that you once again put me through. You talk about an innocent life and it's right to love and family, well I too am an innocent life, I too have a right to my love- you, I too am owed a family- you and me! I did wrong by you but you have wronged me more times, so you owe me 1st. Make it up to me and then I'll know your believes are correct, that your principles are right, if you don't, if you leave me like this then you are the liar, your believes and principles are lies and I will never ever forgive you.'
Kakun cries at the hardness of Rahul voice, of his words of the promise he is making, forcing her to choose between her actions which are correct and her love.
Unable to see Kakun in so much pain, Rahul wipes her tears, gently, 'Kakun you have always believed in our love, in us, in the rightness of our togetherness. Don't give up now, don't I'm begging you; this is the final test of our love, it is here we show that nothing can stop our love, that our love is meant to be and will be. Don't fall at this final hurdle,' Rahul drops Kakun wrist and lifts his hand to her, 'take it Kakun, take my hand and let us prove to the world that love does conquers all as long as you believe, as long as you are strong enough. Don't weaken my love, take strength from my love, from the love of our pariwars, from Naina who wants us together. Take my hand Kakun, believe in me, in our love, together as one we will find a solution, do not give up Kakun, do not give up on me, on our love.'
Kakun closes her eyes but even then can only see Rahul face, his love, the truth of his words as he sees it. The temptation is there to fall into his arms, to take what he is offering; 'take it Kakun, he is right this is just another test. You have become used to the darkness this is not for you, take it Kakun, take his hand and your life with your love.' a voice whispers to her.
Kakun lifts her hand to Rahul and brings it to her cheeks, she holds it there, savouring his touch. Opening her eyes she sees the joy she has always wanted in Rahul face, the face that is so beloved to her.
The train hoots and starts to move off, the lovers enclosed in their own world, in each other.
'Kakun, my love.' Rahul says the relief in his voice, that his love was where she belonged by his side forever.
'Rahul.' Kakun lowers his hand and step closer to him, she kisses him gently on the lips, 'forgive me.'
She turns and runs to the train, grabbing the rail, jumping on; she is leaving behind all that she is, all that she wanted.
'KAKUN!' she hears Rahul voice; his disbelief, his agony.
She cannot stop herself from turning, to seeing him, a lonely figure standing on the platform arm raised to stop her, slowly he becomes a distant figure, disappearing as the train leaves him behind, leaves him to his life without her, leaves her life without him.
Kakun rest her head against the window, still looking towards where she had left her home, her anchor, her shelter, her Rahul. 'Forgive me Rahul your words were true, and I believed everything you said, wanted everything you promised, but nothing can change that fact that Naina is pregnant with your child. Nothing can change the fact that I am pregnant with Aman child.'
RaKun music play but a sad version.
Joined: 25 June 2006
Joined: 15 December 2005
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