Joined: 24 April 2008
I always wonder if Carlistle had not made me the same! No, not that I am feeling any bad or accusing him for that! I always owe a big thanks and gratitude towards him; he is the perfect figure, my idol, my father. I am just wondering about that fact, about that time when he was left with no other option. It's now what makes me sense the way time played game with him, and he played it with whole spirit and loyalty. He was the sole player with no guide around. He had understood the game himself, there wasn't any rule book or written options for anyone to follow. He made his own rule book. The difficulty level for him had been on top which he managed to cope up all alone. I have him, my brothers and sisters, Esme-my mother, with me now, for all this I owe a lot to Carlistle. I looked at my brothers and sisters who seemed to do the same what they had been keeping themselves indulged with from past five minutes, and a smile automatically covered my lips. Smile, the smile of pride, Pride of being Cullens and I-Edward Cullenbeing a part of them! That's the only thing left with me to ponder upon every now and than.
Amidst all what I had been thinking, the same talkative buzz was still clouded in my mind. Unsure of which voice to concentrate upon I simply tried to allow all of them, playing with a fork and spoon in my hand. One by one every thought passed from me. Strange that they think that their thoughts belong to only them, a thing kept safe unlocked in their own mind but it was all what they think! , this is only possible when am not around. This thought made me chuckle silently not attracting my busy bros and sisters interrogating attention. I managed to cover my laugh knowing the exacts what people around me were thinking with a smile, still playing with the pair of spoon and fork in my hand. Nothing seemed interesting for me to know what others might be finding the thing of all interest. There was just one new thing which almost many were thinking about. It was about a newcomer who joined forks high school just today.
Right there I noticed Alice
voice reaching my ears.
"Oh! Time for me to meet Ms James-she is searching for me around and of course this food tray to go in the trash as always."
All of us laughed quietly with that note seeing her leaving with quick bye, Jasper too made himself uplift from the chair but Alice asked him not to because Ms James seemed to have some kind of work with only her. Jasper did complain in a sarcastic way as if Alice didn't know what exactly Ms James wants from her, and it was only true Alice knew Ms James looking for her before Ms James herself knew that. Alice grinned slightly and than took her leave saying that Ms James would be sending someone to look for her, which she doesn't want to. Jasper let her go because he knew he is going to get the answer in a matter of few minutes nor can he argue with Alice. And then we sat there the same way, starring at the clock hung on our side of wall which it always hung in the cafeteria. What else were we left to do each time but to wait for this human lunch time to get over and so we can be back to our known classes.
I was positioned the same way when I felt a pair of eyes in our direction, thought everyone were done with there stares after being with them for past few years but this time it looked something new. I turned my head aside to one of the corner table from our direction and saw a girl seeing all four of us. Her eyes seemed to be interrogating or suspecting something. I found them exceptionally' attractive. I had to think for a word which I always thought something of that sort never to come across. It seemed as if she asked the girl sitting by her side, Jessica - yes that's what her name is; how easy it is for me to know there names without even inquiring once about that. But I knew her and yes her thoughts too from the very day I joined! She was briefing the girl with her eyes still in our direction about us. In about a fraction of minute those eyes turned up to me, I wasted no milli second to shoot my eyes in other direction; hopefully she might have not noticed that or may be she did because she dropped her eyes the same time. I don't know why, but I tried to concentrate on what exactly she might be thinking right now and strange enough I was not able to. It confused me! Never ever did this happen when I was not able to hear what someone was thinking and me wanting to know that!
I tried again but I was blank and all I could hear was her friend Jessica's thought, her briefing now turned up to me, the girl sitting by her side asked about me. This very thought made me... curious and I suddenly looked back at that girl. Her eyes were still somewhat on me and it made me even more curious. Though it made me anxious what Jessica was filling that girl about me but it matters nothing at this moment. It made me even more curious to know about what was this girl thinking now. Amidst all this I was confused. Confused why did it matter to me to know what this girl probably might be thinking? Without letting anymore notice draw from my side I tried to distract myself watching the clock again. Yes finally it was the time for us to leave the cafeteria. All four of got up at that very instant from our chairs. I exchanged a few silent words with them and we headed towards the exit door for our respective classes. I still felt those exceptional eyes on us or on me- I don't know! I tried to let it go and without further thought I passed the doors. Don't know but I was rather glad to leave although my mind was fixed on that pair of eyes, on that face.
I was the first to get myself seated before anyone else has even reached the class. Slowly my mind was again set to occupy those strange thoughts when I was happy Mr. Banner entered the class followed by students who seemed to match their quick pace with that of Mr. Banner yet maintaining a noticeable distance from him. They took there seat, murmurs were all flowing in the class when all of a sudden a mouthwatering tempting scent brushed my nose when a girl walked past me. My hands suddenly coiled into the fist and I held my breath. I shot my eyes in the direction where the scent has left the trail for me reaching right upto Mr. Banner's side. It was she! It was the same girl!!! I quickly dropped my eyes on my biology books resting on my desk and shot the page open in one go as per Mr. Banner's instruction. I felt the chair next to me slightly move and at once my hands again balled up into fists. I dint need to see, I know it was her seating right next to me. I held myself very stiff and dared not to breathe. I positioned myself at the extreme corner trying to maintain as much distance possible as I can. Than Mr. Banner finally ordered the class to begin but that was not at all helpful. I clenched my fist hard and tried to warn myself to behave! I did fight myself not to give any look in that girl's direction but I couldn't resist that, in spite of what I was trying hard to resist-my sudden thirst! But I was trying not to let it overpower me, I was not breathing. I decided not to, but my eyes automatically traced in her direction. Still I was not able to hear what was going in her head. She herself seemed trying something not to do. Her hairs fell down as a curtain as if blocking her eyes,her vision or instead she made them to work that way. A sudden urge bowled deep in me to touch her hair and curl them back behind her neck...That's it! I made myself rigid and my fingers clenched into my strong fist. I felt she might have noticed that but I blocked my own view and held myself stationary. I already felt myself drawn half crazy. Half of me was forcing to reveal that I was a monster and other half seemed so strange, so unreal to me with alien feelings. Each moment seemed testing my patience, my control! I tried to distract myself with Mr. Banners addressing but they seemed to be rebounding back, All I was still willing was to hear her thoughts, to know her.
Finally it was the time! Mr. Banner called the class off! I flew my self and left the class in a blink of moment. I cannot show any sigh of relief, everything seemed so unusual, so strange to me.
I dragged myself right upto the reception and demanded to get my class rescheduled or a change in time for me. Of course now I can't further put myself in test. I can't take another chance. I cant take chance with her life! No chance of again passing with the same moment as I passed just a few minutes back. Every second i doubted myself, myself being a monster! The first sight itself was enough to make me'crazy!
Though I knew what I am
demanding was not possible for administration, even so I was knowing the answer
and that's what I heard but still I was standing there, hoping if there was any
chance if they change their decision. Although my other part hoped something
else! It was unknowingly hoping to hear, to talk, and to see that girl again!!!
But only I was aware about that. It somewhat made me angry with myself and that
could be noticed by anyone, which was coming in form of arguing with the
receptionist. Yet I tried to keep myself calm and in control when the gush of
wind suddenly passed from my nasals again, my body stiffened! It was her!!! I
knew that without even seeing her but my head automatically turned, I was
hoping to see her' and now her scent___ I paused! Ah I held my breath at that
very instant and turned back quickly to the receptionist who did not seem to
have noticed that sudden change.
"I can see that it's impossible. Thank you so much for your help." This was all I could say now keeping myself still in control and than I clutched my hands again into a ball and passed out, Out of the gates without seeing the girl I had to force myself for that, fighting the sudden want. But I heard the receptionist voice in my ears behind me. She was Bella. Bella Swan. The one who joined just today, the one whom almost everyone seemed interesting talking about and now me'I paused! What's with me??? Right then I heard a voice striking in my ears. It was her-Bella's voice! It did make me pull myself in sudden stop but I don't want to. I did not stop.
I continued keeping my way out unless I heard the voice feeble behind me. I pressed the bridge of my nose hard with my thumb and forefinger but I realized that was not the only feeling I was fighting with. Her face was still sharp in my mind and her voice was still ringing in my ears. It seemed as if she was sad. Was she sad because of me? What was she thinking? Was she standing there all the while I was arguing with that receptionist? Did she hear me? Did she notice my behavior? Did I scare her??? Everything made me sad and angrier at myself. Once I was in the parking lot I flew myself away with my pace as fast as I could. I want to escape from these thoughts. Away from any ones notice. Away from those eyes. Away from the craziness. Away from this sudden strangeness.
Joined: 24 April 2008
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Joined: 24 April 2008
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