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FF: Kesariya Balam Page 3 [15/11]

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Tomiko

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Tomiko

Joined: 21 October 2005

Posts: 22162

Posted: 17 October 2008 at 4:08pm | IP Logged

Ahem, I have an FF!Big smile


Considering I have another one running simultaneously on another forum; this might not be updates often though I have the story all planned out.  But of course it depends if I actually have any readers or not.LOL

The FF sort of mirrors the shows.  I have all the main characters in palce, though with some changes.  And for the sake of my sanity, Anandi is a teenager as opposed to a 10 year old girl.  I just can't write an FF with a girl so young and so feel more comfortable making her my age - 16/17.Smile

Also, the title comes from the traditional, Rajasthani folk song.  Sure you can all guess which one.Tongue

Urh, part 1 below I guess.Embarrassed


Edited by nibbles - 16 November 2008 at 9:52am

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CeruleanSky

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Tomiko

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Tomiko

Joined: 21 October 2005

Posts: 22162

Posted: 17 October 2008 at 4:12pm | IP Logged
Chapter 1
 
 
Phooli ducked her head and rushed across the muddy terrain, shadowed by a grumpy Chamki.
 
"Yeh Kakisa bhi na.  Bhej diya hume uske ke peeche peeche; patha nahi kaha hai who ladki."
 
She squinted as another thundercloud rolled overhead and released a flesh torrent of rain.  Both girls shivered and lowered their chunris in an effort to stay as dry as possible.  Disgruntled, they hurried further and were met with joyous sounds of laughter and cheering. 
 
The children had come out in the earnest; little girls with loose hair plastered to their faces and young boys dancing, swinging their discarded t-shirts in the air as a bhanjaran beat out a familiar tune with old sticks.  In the midst of it all stood a lone figure, eyes screwed shut, face tilted upwards and laughing with sheer delight as she soaked in the cool water from the clouds.
 
Chamki elbowed her friend and pointed to the girl who had joined the children in dancing, her chunri waving madly as her laughter mingled with the cheers.
 
"Who dekh, maharani yaha nach rahi hai.  Anandi!  Oh Anandi!"
 
She spoke with a sigh though Phooli noticed the grin spreading across Chamki's face and looked bemused.   It was difficult to say angry with Anandi when met with her smile and so both girls struggled to maintain annoyance as they forced their way in to the crowd of children and yanked Anandi to a side.
 
Her face lit up and she threw her arms around her friends.
 
"Chamki, Phooli; kithni der laga di.  Chalo nach the hai, kithan maza ar raha hai."
 
She swung them around gaily and Chamki broke in to giggles but the ever-sensible Phooli ground to a halt.
 
"Ruk, theri Masa bhula rahi hai.  Bacho ke sath khelna band kar aur jaldi jaldi ghar chal."
 
Anandi stopped short and gasped. 
 
"Hey bhagwan, Masa neh tho kaha tha kal ke liye chawal lane ko.  Ghar khali hath gayi tho meri khair nahi."
 
She bid a hasty goodbye to the children and the three girls rushed across the dusty path that led back to the heart of the village.  Phooli scolded Anandi for disappearing and warned her of Bhagwathi's anger [Kakisa tho belan ke sath inthezar kar rahi hai] whilst Chamki continued to dissolve in to laughter now that her earlier mood had worn of.
 
The girls turned the corner but were forced to stop as a motorbike came roaring towards them, the engine revving like an angry bull.  Anandi shrieked as she was knocked aside in to a particularly muddy spot.
 
"Dikhtha nahi hai thumhe!"
 
The yell was accompanied by a well aimed sling of wet mud and the driver, who had already chosen to slow down, came to a complete halt.  Chamki and Phooli exchanged perplexed glances as Anandi scrambled to her feet and glared at the boy who rose from the motorbike; pushing wet locks away from his face to reveal a thunderous expression.
 
"Oi churiya!"
 
 
 
A/N:    I wanted this part to portray Anandi's innocence but doing so in one scene is pretty hard.  What did you guys think?  Also, I want to ensure that I'm writing this for an audience....shooo; if I get at leats three members reading this I'll continue with the story.  Not blackmailing you guys for comments,LOL just want to make sure that there is someone out there whose reading this.Big smile

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HUSEKrani

-aditi-

IF-Sizzlerz

-aditi-

Joined: 10 May 2005

Posts: 10501

Posted: 17 October 2008 at 8:46pm | IP Logged
ohoo then in that case i would be the permanent reader in here!loved this part,great startEmbarrassedawww anandi has to taste mud and that prob is our jaggu with his chuhiyaLOLEmbarrassedEmbarrassedwould desp wait for the next partTongue

CeruleanSky

IF-Rockerz

CeruleanSky

Joined: 06 August 2008

Posts: 5303

Posted: 18 October 2008 at 12:19am | IP Logged
Embarrassed

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

So count  me in as another member of the audience , like Aditi di says.....permanent member!!!!!

Ha ha , so finaaaaaaaaaally we have a AJ FanFic!!!!!

Waiting [eagerly] for the next update!!!!





IndraDaga

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IndraDaga

Joined: 30 March 2004

Posts: 1320

Posted: 18 October 2008 at 1:01am | IP Logged
Hey count me also... i m there too read it regularly... Its a good start.. meeting of jagdish and anandi in mud LOL

Tomiko

IF-Sizzlerz

Tomiko

Joined: 21 October 2005

Posts: 22162

Posted: 18 October 2008 at 6:59am | IP Logged

Yay; I have readers!Shocked

*Jumping up and down*

Thankoo everyone!Hug

I'll work on the next part as soon as I get time but I'm going to need help.

Anyone have any ideas of cute AJ scenes I could slip in?

Of course it'll change according to the storyline but I'd appreciate the ideas.Tongue

CeruleanSky

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CeruleanSky

Joined: 06 August 2008

Posts: 5303

Posted: 18 October 2008 at 8:13am | IP Logged
Originally posted by nibbles

Yay; I have readers!Shocked

*Jumping up and down*
 
Thankoo everyone!Hug
 
I'll work on the next part as soon as I get time but I'm going to need help.
 
Anyone have any ideas of cute AJ scenes I could slip in?
 
Of course it'll change according to the storyline but I'd appreciate the ideas.Tongue


Hmmmm...what I'm gonna suggest wont be of any use because these are only the initial stages of AJ.....how about that scene in which Jagya comes towards Sugna n Anandi as if he's going to beat her , and then thrusts out his hand violently and then opens his fist to show the gift? Ha ha...I love that scene...and also the ones being shown now....Jagya is reallllllllllllly missing Anandi!!!!

Then there was also the kite scene , Anandi started recovering from her trauma after that.....and also when Jagya touched her ponytail and said 'Sutri lag rahi hai tu'...omg , I cud go on for hours and hours abt AJ...

anjali83192

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anjali83192

Joined: 23 October 2005

Posts: 6017

Posted: 18 October 2008 at 8:51am | IP Logged
Hey....gr8 yaar!!!! Luved the frst part n eagrly waiting for the nxt part.........Luved the title "Kesariya Balam" tooooo..................plz do continue!!!Embarrassed


Edited by anjali83192 - 18 October 2008 at 8:53am

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