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Unleashing Wat Remaind Unsaid-Pt19/pg144/note-p151 (Page 2)

spln IF-Sizzlerz
spln
spln

Joined: 06 December 2007
Posts: 11036

Posted: 08 September 2008 at 8:46pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by sweet_JAY_FAN

Oh spln ur back with another FF gr8
 
this one sounds interesting and different
 
plz cont soon as possob;e


yup um back, not with a bang though...but yeh il update asap!!!
Richa1234 IF-Dazzler
Richa1234
Richa1234

Joined: 09 May 2008
Posts: 3243

Posted: 08 September 2008 at 9:21pm | IP Logged
Edited
 
Alrighty, Im done with the Intro. Very interesting I must say. Firstly, I'd like to quote a few lines which definitely added depth to the characters and the bengali atmosphere.
 
"yes i am....perfect....just waiting to cradle another great grandchild in my arms before i close my eyes forever....don't think i sound like those conservative thoughtless oldies, but i hope its a boy, just like you Ormaan...."

Armaan swallowed hard shutting his eyes momentarily as he heard his name pronounced with an 'O' phonetic , the typical bengali way of pronouncing words starting with the letter 'A'.....putting aside the image of the face which flashed inevitably each time on being addressed this way, he replied before his silence caused a suspicious delay, in the same maintained tone
 
The "Ormaan" touch made it all the more easier to relate to that culture. And, the old guy's style of talking was spot on. So much so that I could actually imagine my dada and nana conversing with me like that.
 
Coming to another few lines "as they shook hands her new client replied with a wide smile of her own, "I am Lovely.....just like my name!!!" as she fluttered her eyes with an affected attitude and an almost annoying emphasis at the pun intended, Ridhima was in half minds; part of her could hardly avoid the mock retort at the tip of her tongue,  provoked by the lame introduction, while the other part of her felt diabetic, unable to endure the sweetness of that smile.....there was but one consoling thought, she could not possibly be the first one subjected to this witless attempt at humor....."

Great description and very natural again. Nothing over the top, simple, and easy to relate.

Overall, a nice one NJ, the end was surprising as its hard to imagine Armaan with Lovely, ha ha but that's not what matters, its all about how you take story to the next level. You have definitely left me in wanting for more, would love to see how you move the story forward.
 
Love Richa

Edited by Richa1234 - 08 September 2008 at 9:43pm
hibos1 Senior Member
hibos1
hibos1

Joined: 18 April 2006
Posts: 882

Posted: 08 September 2008 at 9:22pm | IP Logged
Hey Naseem,....
 
thanks for gracing us,...the wait has been long and I am sure will be worth it!!!! Loved the intro.....ok just for the record, he is married to Lovely....I am upset right here.....but there is a saving grace,.....he is a bengali....married to one I know how wonderful people they are,....
 
did u say u are not gonna update every day,...sad:( anyways waiting for the parts........
 
love -Ria
sea_nyx Goldie
sea_nyx
sea_nyx

Joined: 18 October 2007
Posts: 2319

Posted: 08 September 2008 at 9:42pm | IP Logged

hey,

congrats on starting ur 3rd ff Clap. i'm sure it'll be another surefire winner like perfect imperfection and newton's laws. btw, saw u became the writer of the week as well. way to go!!! Star
 
can't wait for the next part, the intro really caught my attention yaar. i 1st thought ridz and armaan were married and they had some problems so when i read the last bit to say i got a shock is to put things mildlyShocked
-SH- IF-Rockerz
-SH-
-SH-

Joined: 16 November 2007
Posts: 9374

Posted: 08 September 2008 at 9:58pm | IP Logged
Another one!!! Thank you Hug
 
WOHAA!! I got a heart attack reading the last line. Are u serious?? Armaan n lovely ShockedShocked Well as your title suggests, there's lot to be spoken and i'm desperately waiting for the part. U said this one was for the competition so u must be having a lot more already written, right? Please update...the intro is so interesting that i'm already hooked to it from the start, well when i'm not....lol..ok bad joke..
 
Awesome startClapClap just love the bengali touch u gave to it.....cont soon..Smile
 
Luv
Shivani Embarrassed
 
P.S. I'm still battling with my questions to grill u. I think u were rite i should save them for the next WOTW only coz with my snail's speed of thinking i'll definately be able to post it then..ConfusedLOLLOL
preet916 Newbie
preet916
preet916

Joined: 24 October 2007
Posts: 47

Posted: 08 September 2008 at 10:01pm | IP Logged

ur new ff sounds really interestin

plz continue soon
sasya Senior Member
sasya
sasya

Joined: 10 March 2008
Posts: 565

Posted: 09 September 2008 at 12:53am | IP Logged
it was greatClapClapClap.intro was gud and very different.armaan is a bengali and armaan and lovely are married for 5 years!!!!!!!! i am shocked with the last lineShocked.i dont think armaan  loves lovely. i loved ur first 2 ff and i am sure this will also be great,congrats for the new ff.cant wait to read the coming up parts.continue soon..............

Edited by sasya - 09 September 2008 at 12:54am
aravi Goldie
aravi
aravi

Joined: 04 April 2008
Posts: 1177

Posted: 09 September 2008 at 1:44am | IP Logged
oooppsss i must b dreaming????????? NJ u back wid another ff haannn?????? i think WOTW di sum wonders here????????????? ohk i 'm shocked beyond ne limits u got armaan n lovely married haila!!!!!!!!! but wat an intro yaar !!!!!!!!!!!! dis one's def gng to b a bumpy ride ,haina!!!!!!!!! newaz me hoookkkeedd as usual .......   luv aravi

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