virgin - non virgin - will you marry

Hi every one , if you noticed i made for guys and girls to answer seperately .

Would love to know what does our Asian society feel on this matter .

We have debated about pre - marital sex before..........now how much do we accept or reject this depends on your answer .Along will answering the poll , please do elaborate in your post below .

As for my answer , i would have ,married the man as long as i love him.....but i would have sometimes thought about his past affair and wondered and maybe felt jealous . But i would make sure that i would not give this too much importance.
As for my husband( I asked him ) , he would have married me and would have not asked about my past ....and not cared if there was something like that !!


Edited by indygirl - 05 October 2005 at 11:36am

I will not marry him. I am probably old fashioned and still live with old traditional indian values. To me marriage is very sacred. It would be ok if he had past affair or feelings for someone. But to have physical relation before marriage is something not in my culture. If he had physical relashion with someone before marriage mine and his thoughts are very different and our way of looking at life is also very different, thus our marriage also won't be that fun and might not last long.

I am not judging anything or anyone here. It's just that my way of thinking should match with someone i marry.

I agree wid u bgdesai. Very well said!

I will marry a guy who is not a virgin....his past would not worry me.

All that would matter to me is out present and future....why dig up the past which may cause unnecessary complications.

I understand when some people have traditional values and morals....but we are living in modern times now.

Just my 2 cents.

I just want to continue discussing this further as a healthy discussion.

What does modern times have to do with tradition and culture? All country, relition have different culture and tradition and values. Being in modern times does not mean you forget your culture history ethics an individual. West has their own culture. I am not saying their culture is bad and ours is good, its just their society and culture and i respect that. Indians have thier own religion, culture, and tradition. Lots of culture wear white clothes during wedding that is sign of virginity. I would still like to stick with what i have been tought living in India and from our holy books. I don't think this has anything to do with living in modern society.

Modern society does not mean having physical relashion before marriage, or partying all the time or whatever. It also mean to have broad thinking, respect to others way of thinking.

No offence ment here just supporting my views here.

Yup, as you said you are jusr airing your opinions....so was I.

South Africa is considered as westernised and I know for a fact that I am a modern person.

That is why I stand firm that it makes no difference to me whether someone is a virgin or not. That to me is very petty!

I am also a traditional Hindu girl but I am not extreme when it comes to religion, etc. I am open-minded. Some people may like that and others may not....but this is just being me.    No offence taken.

Nishani, after reading your post I thought about it and i think decision about marrying a virgin or not is just not culturual. It is beyond that. I live in US since last 9 yrs, but I was raised in India. It has to to with where you are brought up, your environment, friends, family environment, generation and lot more. I was raised in India and am probably 1 generation ahead than you. I would not expect my daughter when she grow up to think what I am thinking, though, i would want her to. But she will be raised in US and she will be exposed to different cultures and environment and friends so only family is not going to affect her decisions and way to look at life. So I guess when we say asian society we also have lot of different culture within ourselves.

Reading bgdesai's and Nishani's argument . I think the decision to look at your partners past somewhat depends on how much you allow your religon and culture to dictate such things . I suppose we could say , that those who are guided by the holy books may consider chastity as something very important. But those who don't believe in getting guided in every step of the way , for them it may or may not matter .

Like i would say i strongly believe in god , and my religon ....BUT i don't let all of its teachings lead my decision . Like for example i truly beleive what Ramji did to Sita Ma , that is sending her to exile at the dhobi's word was very very wrong . Yes to him his subjects mattered the most , but i felt he was wrong . ( No offense to any hindu .....plz i am a devout Shivji bhakt)

Coming back to the subject , i beleive in not letting my holy books guide me in this subject, because i feel they were not written for the 22nd century .Though most of its teachings hold true for even our times ....BUT not all !!

So i personaly will not let my man's being a virgin or a non - virgin matter . Because i personally feel virginity is over hyped !! And i am not a hypocrite . Those are my feelings !!