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Difference between Men and women

anitha.b IF-Dazzler
anitha.b
anitha.b

Joined: 06 September 2004
Posts: 3509

Posted: 14 January 2005 at 11:27am | IP Logged

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted
to a woman named Elaine.  He asks her out to a movie;
she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights
later he asks her out to dinner, and again they
enjoy themselves.  They continue to see each other regularly,
and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a
thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking,
she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight,
we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?''

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud
silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I
wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined
by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind
of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of
relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a
little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us
to keep going the way we are, moving
steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep
seeing each other at this level of
intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children?  Toward a
lifetime together? Am I ready for that
level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . .
..February when we started going out, which was
right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . .lemme check the
odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue
for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face.

Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our
relationship, more intimacy, more
commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was
feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so
reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being
rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission
again. I don't care what those morons
say, it's still not shifting right.  And they better not try to blame it on
the cold weather this time.  What cold
weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a damn garbage
truck, and I paid those incompetent
thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry,
too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him
through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty.
That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight
to come riding up on his white horse,
when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy
being with, a person I truly do care about,
a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because
of my self-centered, schoolgirl
romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty?

I'll give them a damn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right
up their .... . .

''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.

''What?'' says Roger, startled.

''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to
brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have

 . . Oh God, I feel so . .... . ''
(She breaks down, sobbing.)

''What?'' says Roger.

''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I
really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''

''There's no horse?'' says Roger.

''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says.

''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,''  Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries
to come up with a safe response. Finally
he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

''Yes,'' he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says.

''What way?'' says Roger.

''That way about time,'' says Elaine.

''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.''
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to
become very nervous about what she
might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

''Thank you, Roger,'' she says.

''Thank you,'' says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured
soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas
when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the
TV, and immediately becomes
deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he
never heard of.  A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that
something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure
there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better
if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world
hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them,
and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours.  In
painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he
said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression,
and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every
possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and
on, for weeks, maybe months, never
reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of
his and Elaine's, will pause just
before serving, frown, and say:

''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?'

meghavi IF-Rockerz
meghavi
meghavi

Joined: 21 November 2004
Posts: 8263

Posted: 14 January 2005 at 3:43pm | IP Logged
Thanls for the article!
-misha IF-Sizzlerz
-misha
-misha

Joined: 23 November 2004
Posts: 11774

Posted: 15 January 2005 at 3:30am | IP Logged
THANX FOR THE ARTICLE
Morgoth IF-Rockerz
Morgoth
Morgoth

Joined: 01 June 2004
Posts: 6831

Posted: 15 January 2005 at 11:10am | IP Logged

 ROTFL 

This is Hilarious, Smisha! Talk about being dense!


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