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' Paigaam - message ' (One chapter Short story)

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bhoomikauttam

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bhoomikauttam

Joined: 03 July 2005

Posts: 3255

Posted: 29 July 2008 at 2:08am | IP Logged
Hi friends,
 
As u know there was the monsoon contest 2008going on.. so this story was my entry into it. I did won the best storyline for this one... I wanted to have a direct link of this in the index section so that many of my friends who havtn read can directly read them as they go throguh the Index section. Even if I hadnt won I woudl have shared with my readers and friends...Big smile
 
Here are the rules which were given for writing the story for the contest...
 
This is a one-shot (one chapter) story. Minimum- one page Maximum 3 pages, 12pt Times New Roman, single spaced.

Story must be based on monsoon /rain theme

Story must contain the following:a title (of course)

  • a rain song(bollywood/english any,no made up ones though)

        and must include these words

    rain 
    cloud 
    sky
    rainbow
    wet
  • All entries must follow the I-F COC & FF Rules & Regulations

    Maximum 2 entries per participant 

    The story must be appropriate for readers 12 + (Which is also required according to FF Section Rules)

    Express your creativity through your entry - don't plagarize

    Must have a story format,no scripts allowed

    Participant may not advertise their FF in anyways



Edited by bhoomikauttam - 29 July 2008 at 2:13am

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bhoomikauttam

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bhoomikauttam

Joined: 03 July 2005

Posts: 3255

Posted: 29 July 2008 at 2:09am | IP Logged

" Paigaam – message "

"Barish ki yeh bondey tumharey chehre pe jab girti hain, maaoo lagta hai tumse woh pyaar ka Izhaar badey aasanisey karleti hain!" Nihal always said this line to Runjun whenever it would rain. They loved each other from the college days and now both are working in the same call centre. The sharing, caring and love has increased to no bounds. Runjun had told many times about the desire to become a couple, desire for commitment for lifelong, desire to become his legally wedded wife and start their family. Nihal kept insisting he isn't ready. Nihal's family always tried to explain Nihal that every phase in life is bounded by time and financial security can be of no help once the right time has faded away. Nihal would disagree and knew he wants a stable life before taking up responsibility. Runjun was tensed; her family's patience was running out along with her's.

Runjun looked at the heavy rains & dark night. It was such a dark night when Runjun had met Nihal the first time. She was standing at a photocopy centre and getting her notes. They looked at each other and liked that first glimpse, felt nice about each other. As it was raining, she was trying that the notes should not get wet. Nihal had taken her notes from her hand and tuck inside his Jacket. He reached her building, gave the notes and both smiled. Meeting at college, they got closer and from friends they became each other's mirror, each other punching bag and each other's soul mates. Their love was pure, made them feel they are meant to be together always. Thinking about that day Runjun had tears in her eyes. This dark night doesn't seem that beautiful today. She is telling everyone every year that next year she will get married d to Nihal.  That year hasn't come ever. Her parents she knows have given up. They are worried inside but can't force her to take up a stand soon. Walking into the rain, her umbrella is inside her handbag. The Company she worked for use to provide her vehicle to drop at home but today she didn't even wait for the company vehicle to come and walked alone in the dark night. Nihal came out and searched for her. She always waited for him and they sat close in the vehicle, discussed so many things. Nihal was worried; its dark night, its raining heavily, and he knew she is scared of the thunderstorms. He walked in search of her.

He saw her walking slowly wet drenched in rainwater. The dark clouds would in between shook the whole lane with lightening and thunderstorms. Nihal called her loudly, 'Runjun wait!', he ran fast towards her he kept his arms on to her shoulders and asked, " Hey Runjun!" Runjun didn't reply just walked. He asked standing in front of her not letting her walk ahead, "Kitne kilometer yunh chalogi? 20 km?" Runjun said in a very harsh tone, "Chal to rahi hu na, sirf rasta taakhtey thak gayi thi". Nihal understood what she meant, how long she would keep waiting to get married. Nihal started comforting her about not to start the whole thing again about marriage. Runjun told him she will never ever make him take his decision by emotionally blackmailing him. She wants him to marry her when he WANTS to not when he WAS ASKED to. Runjun continued, "Nihal, these 20 steps which I took today in this dark night were very difficult but very inspiring. I give u 20 days just do one thing for me and until u don't we won't meet. U can call me but we won't meet. Nihal was confused, Runjun told him that he has to click a perfect beautiful rainbow picture from his camera and give her. Nihal felt he doesn't need 20 days it can be a day's job. So what if he isn't a photographer but he can do this easily. He agreed and both went their ways!

Nihal went places and waited long enough for a rainbow to form. As Nihal saw the sky and the rainbow which was just making him feel he had got the world in front. He took his camera, the camera was on and he adjusted the zoom angles, he saw the rainbow vanished as the rains became heavy; the dark clouds had arrived over the sky. On that day he thought over on it, about his disappointment and realized that it's such a small thing but his want is not satisfied and he cannot do anything but just wait. He suddenly could relate this to the pain their parents must be going through waiting long enough to see them becoming a couple.

It went on days  he couldn't capture the rainbow. Runjun was on leave, on the phone, he would tell Runjun how much he is missing her. Nihal kept the camera ready all the while so that he is ready when the rainbow forms again. He sat remembering Runjun; the times they were together in rains, Nihal would tell her he loves to see the way the rains change her when they fall on her. When she touches the rainwater with her long thin fingers, she looks shy as if someone has just kissed her. When the rain falls on her and come across her lovely eyes, she closes her eyes and when she opens her eyes she has happiness and glow on her face. Runjun had always told him, when it rains she feels Nihal gets poetic and romantic. Nihal smiled with those memories soon he saw a beautiful rainbow forming in front… he took the camera and he clicked but the camera went blank, the camera battery was over. Nihal threw his hands off in shock and disappointment. That day was the toughest for him, when he called up Runjun that night he was speechless. Runjun could feel his pain how much he is missing her. This day's disappointment made him to realize the way every time he had promised Runjun he will get through this job only then they can marry, later he would say he needs to buy a two wheeler first ;marriage plans always were kept on hold. Runjun had taken his silly behaviour without showing any anger. Nihal didn't knew why he started relating those events with this.

Nihal wanted to change her decision about this game, Runjun told him, its not a game its life!. She told its not only he is suffering but she also is going through the same. Nihal asked her what she wants to prove by this stupid thing. Runjun told him, if it's that stupid why he took so many days to do it. Nihal felt like a failure. It was very difficult for Nihal to get the perfect picture sometimes the wind played as a spoiler, sometimes the leaves or the people around. This made Nihal to understand that in life there cannot be a situation all-perfect, in life, few needs get fulfilled, not all at the same time. He started thinking about the way he had wanted the perfect time to happen before getting married to Runjun. For the first time he doubted his decision.

The 20 days were over. Nihal went for a walk; he was emotionally broken and upset with his failure. When he reached a distance, he saw the rainbow, Nihal looked at the rainbow in the sky he could see the face of his love his Runjun he blew a kiss... and said with choked emotions, I got the message, I understood where I was going wrong. Tears unknowingly came in his eyes. 'Nihal..', Nihal looked behind Runjun stood there looking beautiful in a lemon yellow Sari. On her fair complexion, the Saree looked like adding brightness & warmth to her presence. Runjun hugged him tightly not wanting to let even a thin sheet of air blow between them.

Nihal told her the rainbow picture was just a way to let him know that life is not about future but the present as well, nothing can be perfect as and when u want it to be. The necessities in life have no end. When we are in love we want to get married and be one, the beautiful relationship of marriage is that rainbow formed which looks so beautiful with all the colours of life in it.. Nihal told her he really WANTS to marry her. He wants gradually to get a lot more in life for them; but not to loose her shadow from his life ever. He wants to enjoy each element of this phase of becoming husband and wife. Runjun had  tried  and hoped looking at nature, its love and the rainbow may be Nihal understand the meaning of time and the changes which no one can plan or stop.

As they kissed each other, it started raining. Nihal's eyes looked at her romantically and she felt like hiding herself. She had only one place to hide herself and that was in his arms, Nihal said, "Barish ki yeh bondey tumharey chehre pe jab girti hain, Maaoo lagta hai tumse woh pyaar ka Izhaar badey aasanisey karleti hain!"he continued, "Yeh Indradhanush mujhe dikha tha, Mujhe aasaani sey kehraha tha, Apne pyaar ko paanaa, uss Ishwar ki meherbani hai, Jisdin shaddi ke bandhan mey  bandhengey hum, indra dhanush ke saatoo rango ko deekh chuu aur paalengey hum". Lets get married, my Wify…. Runjun replied, "Sure my dear Hubby.."  They actually sailed through the lane as rain poured on them, with each drop of rain the romance and love kept blossoming. They danced in the rain while this song played in the background….   

Paigaam Laaya Saawan
Daaman Se Bandh Jaaye Daaman
Rimajhim Khushiyon Ki Barase Ham Pe Barakha
Chanchal Hawa Ye Boli,Sajani Phir Teri Doli
Doli Phir Dole Jaise Dole Chanda
Ji Karata Hai Pankh Laga Ke Ud Jaaoon Main
Neel Gagan Ko Baadal Ban Ke Chhoo Jaaoon Main
Ji Karata Hai Pankh Laga Ke Ud Jaaoon Main

Saagar Kinaare Kisi Parabat Ke Saaye Men
Dikhata Hai Ek Aashiyaan
Hai Jaan Jab Tak Main Rahoon Tere Dil Men Hi
Vahi Hai Mera Aashiyaan
Maasoom Hain Baaten Aisi
Phoolon Pe Ho Shabanam Jaisi
Main Khil Sa Gaya, Mahak Utha Jag Saara        

  Paigaam Laaya Saawan
Daaman Se Bandh Jaaye Daaman
Rimajhim Khushiyon Ki Barase Ham Pe Barakha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5s8N0iZI9j8

************************************************************ ************

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bheegi

IF-Sizzlerz

bheegi

Joined: 05 June 2006

Posts: 23067

Posted: 29 July 2008 at 4:29am | IP Logged
I loved this story Bhoomi. You deserved to win for the best storyline ClapClap
 
Good use of the 'Paigham' song too


Edited by bheegi - 29 July 2008 at 4:29am

bhoomikauttam

IF-Dazzler

bhoomikauttam

Joined: 03 July 2005

Posts: 3255

Posted: 30 July 2008 at 1:21am | IP Logged
Originally posted by bheegi

I loved this story Bhoomi. You deserved to win for the best storyline ClapClap
 
Good use of the 'Paigham' song too
 
Hi Sangeeta, so glad that u liked this story.. it was funnny for me to write this one.. i had alredy written a storylien for teh short story contest wit the same theeme and in my short stries a begingin with rains already ..so to have another storyline was like. can i realy try some differnce.. and finally when i read the word rainbow to be used in teh story.. this idea striked me... adn it was easy to write it.. the message itself made me to add that song in the end... Big smile
 
 

jyothi_cool

IF-Rockerz

jyothi_cool

Joined: 16 May 2005

Posts: 9915

Posted: 30 July 2008 at 11:48am | IP Logged
lovely story u deserved it congrats once again

HeavenlyBliss.

IF-Stunnerz

HeavenlyBliss.

I-F Crazy Creatives

Joined: 20 January 2005

Posts: 40468

Posted: 30 July 2008 at 2:04pm | IP Logged
Great story....I never got a chance to read it in the contest, so im glad u posted it seperately!!!
I love the names u used...Nihaal is one of my fav names for a boy, and Runjun sounds so unique...and erm....rainy...lolz
I love how u prtrayed the 'message' in this story, and the title fits with the song prefectly!! Great work!

bhoomikauttam

IF-Dazzler

bhoomikauttam

Joined: 03 July 2005

Posts: 3255

Posted: 31 July 2008 at 12:19pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by jyothi_cool

lovely story u deserved it congrats once again
 
Hi Jyothi... am glad u liked the story..and thanks .. I dont now whether i deserved it..but feel nice to hear u felt that way.. i surely felt the contest gave me some inspirtation to write this one...and that too in a day in 2 horus time...feels ncie to share such stories..Big smile
 
Originally posted by **~SoniHinnU~**

Great story....I never got a chance to read it in the contest, so im glad u posted it seperately!!!
I love the names u used...Nihaal is one of my fav names for a boy, and Runjun sounds so unique...and erm....rainy...lolz
I love how u prtrayed the 'message' in this story, and the title fits with the song prefectly!! Great work!
 
Hi Hinnu, Am happy that u liked this story..getting complimetn from another lovely writers always feel very encoruagin.. ya i had to post it seperately for my readers...
 
Abotu names i am very particualr , only if i can feel the name is takign the hcarcter forward fro me in teh story i can write or esle.. its not possible to contiue a sotry... Nihal yaa it has that jjoy, calmnes in the name...and runjun as u said the faint lovely music as the rains when fall give lovely musich to the ears..
 
Yes the idea abotu th rainbow came alogn with when i read the wrods and that pushed me..comeone lets write thi sotry and participate... am glad u liked the way i used the sogn , the title and the storyline ....Big smile

monikaseth

IF-Sizzlerz

monikaseth

Joined: 10 June 2005

Posts: 23999

Posted: 10 August 2008 at 11:03am | IP Logged
mindblowing bhoomi .

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