Once upon a time, in a kingdom of "too much" called Bollywood, resided clans from varied background and even, mixed interests. The kingdom has many derisory jokes flying around in the air, a lot of vehicles and, of course, people bumping into each other and blowing up. Mind you, 99% of the occurrences in the realm were almost the same and purely coincidental. Then one black day entered a bunch of morons called scriptwriters, from the Never Never land of nonsensical buffoonery, decided that it is high time that the "too much" was converted into "damn too much". They infiltrated the bolti of the Bollywood residents, thus degrading the quality of words. The naivest victims of this epidemic were the residents of the neighbouring kingdom, a class known as audience. These words of imbecility thundered inside their brain and retarded their most valuable sense called common sense.
Alas, BollyCurry belongs to the less fortunate gang of audience, and are now treading on the thin line between sanity and insanity. Therefore, we would like to honour a couple of the atrocious lines uttered in Bollywood. Before you take a glance at them, we hereby declare that BollyCurry shall not be responsible for any illness the readers might face while reading the following dialogues.
"Rawbert! Is pille ko liquid oxygen me daal do. Liquid isey jeene nahi dega, aur oxygen isey marne nahi dega." - Jugnu (1973)
At least there is an educational revolution going on in Bollywood. But beware! Do not try this in your chemistry lab. Try this only under Rawbert's supervision.
"Mujh Par Ek Ehsaan Karna Ki Mujh Par Koi Ehsaan Na Karna!" - Bodyguard (2011)
Oh, how I'd like to do an ehsaan to the writer by hitting him with a flower pot!
"Zindagi mein teen cheezein kabhi underestimate nahi karna, "I, me and myself."" - Ready (2011)
You said three things, but I, me and myself is actually one thing. Oops, someone forgot to pay attention to their math teacher!
"Duniya mein teen cheezen hoti zaroor hai lekin kisi ne dekhi nahin... bhooton ka sansar, saccha wala pyar aur Bahattar Singh ki raftaar." - Khiladi 786 (2012)
Three non-related phrases don't actually make a great dialogue. However with all the talk about sanskaari ghosts, we wonder if the writer watches many Hindi Dramas (yes, we're talking about Sasural Simar Ka).
"Jab aurat apni izzat bechne par aa jati hai... toh phir woh kisi bhi aadmi ko khareed sakti hai." - Hate Story (2012)
Like really? You need common sense lessons, bro! On a side note, izzat isn't available in the market (yes, we checked) and human trafficking is prohibited worldwide.
"Ek Tu Sardar, Ek main Sardar... baaki sab bekaar." - Son Of Sardaar (2012)
Save our souls! Is this one of the famous Sardar Ji jokes? If not, we are definitely not buying this one, let it rot!
"Joh main bolta hoon woh main karta hoon... joh main nahi bolta woh main definitely karta hoon."- Rowdy Rathore (2012)
With the greatest respect, we're a bit confused here between what he does, what he says, what he doesn't say and what he doesn't do. Is it the dialogues these days or is it just us? Facepalm!
"Kasam hai mujhe apni maa aur apni behen ki, teri zindagi ki maa behen kar dunga." - Himmatwala(2013)
Since when did maa behen kar dunga mean screw you? From #BetiBachao it'll soon be#BoltiSeBachao.
"Agar tum logon ne dikhaye tevar, toh teri beti kuwari maa forever." - Himmatwala(2013)
First of all, this does not make sense. It takes a lot of himmat to put together such terrible lines. Secondly, the Hinglish at the end throws us off. Duh, if the rhyme scheme were that important, why not something like paani or sunny, we're sure Yo Yo wouldn't mind!
"Tere shareer mein itna khoon nahi hoga... jitna Ravi Kumar ek baar mein moot deta hai." -The Xpose (2014)
While Himesh Reshamiyya is trying to master all arts associated with filmmaking (to save the budget, maybe?), I'd like to close in on his face and scream, talking about Ravi Kumar's polyuria doesn't buy you a sympathy points!
"Don't fear, come near, put my jawani ka scooter in third gear." - Humshakals (2014)
I would like to snatch the keys of that scooter, throw it into a volcano, and see it disintegrate in the magma. Even better, I'd like to throw whoever wrote that lines into the same volcano. Kya karu, yeh jawani hai deewani and we are definitely not taking any chances!
"Ladki ho toh jhappi, warna pappi maut wali."- Action Jackson (2014)
I do not know about pappi, but I do have a puppy who's ready to tear the jhappi-wala to pieces.
"Heropanti karega? Kya karoon, sabko aati nahi, meri jaati nahi." - Heropanti (2014)
Then you should definitely visit the doctor, dude! We're sure he'd give you some medicine to get rid of that Heropanti thing, whatever that is!
"Salman Khan ko ek haath mein lo, Sylvester Stallone ko dosray haath mein lo, mixer mein dalo aur ussay banta hun main!" - Tevar (2015)
The scriptwriter must have thought both Salman Khan
and Sylvester Stallone hails from Lilliput. Nevertheless, the box office collection of the movie tells you what happened after mixing both of them.
"Jo chane khate hai, wo badam ke paad nahi maarte!" - Tevar (2015)
With all this chana and badam talk, we wonder if the writer was paid peanuts.
Finally, we at BollyCurry breathe a sigh of relief. After all that, we are bedridden (read brain dead). If you haven't been irritated or drawn to clutch the last straws of your sanity, make a broom out of it and hit those talented writers, then congratulations! You belong to an entirely new species with a special trait called mind numbness. We have decided to call it a day and go read some Shakespeare to recover. We're passing over the torchlight to you (in case you suffer from acute blindness) because we are all set to ply, if you still aren't dead, then let us know by hitting reply. Adios!