BollyCurry Presents ... Tubelight!

Well be held up no more... and read on for Twilight desi-fied!

Tuesday, April 05, 2011 | 10:32:04 PM IST (+05:30 GMT)
 23 Comments | By

Sure there's been no end to ripping foreign film scripts and story lines and remaking them with the desi tadka.

Occasionally, the film makers even claim their 'imitations' to be 'adaptations'. But how many times do you really walk out of a theater thinking the Bolly version was far more fun, as opposed to the inspiring foreign original (most often Hollywood stuff).

Well we at BollyCurry, the ever experimenting lot who like to do things our way decided it was about time to entertain our readers with our efforts in bringing a Hollywood mega-blockbuster all the way from LA to Mumbai by presenting its dhinchak desi remake!

And exactly which superhit blockbuster are we planning to bust, you want to ask?

Here's your hint. Its the ajab prem kahani of a glowing vampire, and his fair skinned human lass.

And really, you can't ask us for the original movie name hereafter. The secret is well leaked!

Well be held up no more... and read on for Twilight desi-fied!

[DISCLAIMER: No offense intended. Everything is expressed solely in the lighter vein, is purely for fun and shall be best enjoyed with a spirit to take jokes well.]                                              
Bollycurry Presents
(Bijlee Jalane Ki Nayee Umeed)
Inspired from

Hema Malini as Billo (Isabella Swan)
Amitabh Bachchan as Kishan (Edward Cullen)
Govinda as Jaggu (Jacob Black)
Aaaaaaaaaand Action!
High electricity bills are a major dilemma for many a households. Billo, the female lead of the story, is one such afflicted commoner. Last month Billo sacrificed her hair straightener and Sauna slim belt; as both of them were amounting to an exorbitant billing. Or so she thought. Cause eventually, the new bill without the use of those two luxury beauty items, showed no substantial reduction. She was upset; very, very upset!

Obviously, who wouldn't be alarmed with such bills? It is a fact that money doesn't grow on trees though banks have branches!! [cue for background laugh]

Undergoing a long and ponderous thinking session, Billo had come to a decision; she had made up her mind to lead her life without the use of this obscenely expensive source of energy - electricity. In implementing the plan she somehow survived, although the first two months are the hardest! But what after! It couldn't go on forever, the fact that Billo could not beautify herself with her cosmetics in a ever dark house made her look bare and ugly and no one in the village was attracted to her anymore!

Initially, for many days, she had managed to stay away from water so her make up (from the last time just before getting the power cut) could stay on for as long as possible; but the summers had come, and brought along in their wake their sweaty woes. Billo was a hard-worker; and hard work made people perspire. Naturally, the make up was soon all gone!

Her kindly and snoopy neighbors refused to believe that she was the lass who was once crowned Miss Village. It became obvious to her, that with the make up gone, her fame was not long to stay.

Days passed, weeks passed, months passed. Billo had reconsidered the matter, and come to a new decision - to sort out her trouble by striking some kind of balance between use of electricity and its enormous bills. Toying with the many possibilities, she lodged her self underneath a mango tree, hoping a genius apple, or actually mango in this case, would fall on her - such that she could eat and think. Eating and thinking helped as a rule. Always.
Several minutes later, she was distracted by something flashy her eye caught in a sideways glance. On paying greater attention, she spotted a sparkling creature from the other side of the jungle - the forbidden jungle.  After staring at the place for some more time (read: waste 3-5 minutes in exploiting cinematographic shots of jungle greens, as inspired by Raavan) she realized with a start that it was a human with a sparkling body.

It happened at first sight.

Yes, love.

She fell for him right there and then, and hard.

She also realized there was a reason for all those love songs. (And yes, that line is so not original).

Basically, she had fallen head over heels for this shiny excuse of a human. Silently she blushed and took some coy steps towards him, even as he was staring right back at her with his hungry eyes; as she imagined they must be behind his black jet glasses.

And then amidst of her fairy tale coming true, she got a brilliant idea! She could use this sparkling man as a source of light and never be bothered with the high electricity bills! With love, and her motive in mind, she showcased herself to that 'creature', who to her delight was reciprocating all her feelings pretty well.

Consequently, she brought that man to her home and as soon as they stepped in, the man begun to sparkle with a brilliance that lit up her dark place in glorious golden glow.

She made way towards her dearest duo possessions - her make-up kit and her mirror! Together, they made a trio she was proud of! Caking her face, and coloring her features after such a long time was a sheer treat! Silently, she thanked her luck for this man, his boon in her life, and her love for him.
She then asked the man to excuse her for a minute and scooted off to the kitchen to employ her culinary skills and impress him further, while also showing her gratitude and affection. When she was done, she brought them both some lassi, shyly offering a glass to Kishan (his name - refer to casting credits above) but as soon as he touched the fancy silver tray (her best, that she polished and brought out specially for him), she's was struck by a high-wattage electric shock. The tray slipped from her hold; and the glasses full of lassi fell on the Kishan's metallic jacket, thereby triggering many sparks, as several fuses went off, and ultimately his entire electric circuit was a wreck, bringing darkness upon them again, as if in ill-omen. 

Billo was rendered unconscious by the severity of the shock, but before she hit the ground; Kishan caught her around her slender waist and the golden flames along his collar lit up - revealing the sight of her extreme beauty (courtesy of course, the fresh cosmetic touch up!) And even though she wasn't conscious, they shared a staring scene, with an extra cheesy teen appealing musical background score. Kishan had a full view of her pale skin for exactly six minutes and that was when he realized she had been dead. He cursed himself for going near her and put her down. As her head hit the spongy sofa, he was seen walking out of her humble abode, washed over in pitch black.

But no, he was not a betraying lover. In fact, he was a lover on a mission...

Scene changes, and Kishan is seen going to Chandni Chowk to see the full moon, to get his electric energy back. Feeling guilty of her death, he curses himself, repeatedly.
Around the same time, a loser cum village roadside Romeo who goes by the name Jaggu enters Billo's home with a lalten - seeking some lowly herding job, to make himself some quick cash. However,  he encounters a very still and unmoving form of Billo abandoned on the sofa - using the flame of his lalten,  he gets water for her and sprinkles it over her eyes, till she begins to regain her consciousness. 
Yes, apparently, Kishan was too quick to judge. She was never dead.

After she is fully awake, Billo thanks Jaggu from the bottom of her heart and both become friends.

Soon enough, winter comes - but search as she might, there is no sign of that sparkling man; Billo feels deeply disappointed, for ever having believed he was her love! While she broods like a love struck puppy all over the place, chilling winds blow in the harsh winter month, leaving her cold and shivering and Jaggu, who's a sheep herder and has a lots of wool, is there for her. Often, he is seen covering her with a blanket. Due to forthcoming worse winter months, Jaggu suggests Billo to let him fix a low-voltage Tube-light in her home along with a low-powered room heater.

This is when Billo realizes, that Jaggu is her true love and she is unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. To her surprise, the same evening Jaggu confesses to Billo, that he's in love with her and wants to marry her.
So, both of them get married and Billo travels with Jaggu to his khets where everything is deprived of Bijlee and all. Ever after, Billo and Jaggu lead an electricity bill-free and happy life.

The End


We can only expect and imagine a mixed response to this first time attempt. Still, we can't stress enough of how much we'd like to hear back your reviews. It would be doubly awesome if you made suggestions of what foreign movies you would like to read desi spoofs of in future.
Until the next time... !

Concept: Nadia
Editor: Naseem
Graphics: Zunni

User Rating Rating(24 Votes)
MaansMishti, kismattweety, saiba007, Nikhi., BilliCat., RadiantTreasure, ScatteredCastle, UmIbrahim, shivani003, raspberrytorte, gk_09, amail1601, Vishakha_Sakhi, -DRoadSoFar-, Jenifer., Siddhi_, spln, _Manpreet_, sabihaa., .ayesha., kavya.b, aftermath..

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Posted on: 08 April 2011 at 2:52am
This was super hilarious and BLOODY AWESOME!!!!! Total creative brilliance :D

Please whoever u are, do keep writing!

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Posted on: 06 April 2011 at 7:58pm
That was superb!!!!!!! The casting, the was a great read!!

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Posted on: 06 April 2011 at 6:11pm
Amazing :)hahah that was so cuteee :)
But why were Jaggu and Billo together in the end? It was supposed to be Kishaaaaann :/

but never the less, it was soooo cute to read :) and i loveeeedd it :) please do continue with another story :) cant wait to readdd it :)

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Posted on: 06 April 2011 at 4:04pm

Edited on:22 April 2011 at 5:59am

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Posted on: 06 April 2011 at 2:51pm
What a cool article! VERYY creative!! Gonna bookmark this so I can read it when I'm less panicked about exams :(

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Posted on: 06 April 2011 at 2:11pm
I love it! Keep it up!

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Posted on: 06 April 2011 at 1:59pm
That was bloody fantastic. I'm still laughing.
Amazing writing

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Posted on: 06 April 2011 at 11:55am
Lmao, that was so much fun to read! ROFLROFL
Gr8 job!! Can't wait to see what you guys come up with next!!

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Posted on: 06 April 2011 at 7:57am
ROFL! This was...ROFL! Jaggu, the sheep herder! LOL!

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Posted on: 06 April 2011 at 5:21am
Not bad..but very creative ur movie buff

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