Sure there's been no end to
ripping foreign film scripts and story lines and remaking them with the
Occasionally, the film makers even claim their 'imitations'
to be 'adaptations'. But how many times do you really walk out of a
theater thinking the Bolly version was far more fun, as opposed to the
inspiring foreign original (most often Hollywood stuff).
at BollyCurry, the ever experimenting lot who like to do things our way
decided it was about time to entertain our readers with our
efforts in bringing a Hollywood mega-blockbuster all the way from LA to Mumbai by presenting its dhinchak desi
And exactly which superhit blockbuster are we planning to bust, you want to ask?
Here's your hint. Its the ajab prem kahani
of a glowing vampire, and his fair skinned human lass.
And really, you can't ask us for the original movie name hereafter. The secret is well leaked!
Well be held up no more... and read on for Twilight desi-fied!
[DISCLAIMER: No offense intended. Everything is
expressed solely in the lighter vein, is purely for fun and shall be
best enjoyed with a spirit to take jokes
(Bijlee Jalane Ki Nayee Umeed)
Govinda as Jaggu (Jacob Black)
High electricity bills are a major dilemma for many a households. Billo
, the female lead of the story, is one such afflicted commoner. Last month Billo
her hair straightener and Sauna slim belt; as both of them were
amounting to an exorbitant billing. Or so she thought. Cause eventually,
the new bill without the use of those two luxury beauty items, showed
no substantial reduction. She was upset; very, very upset
Obviously, who wouldn't be alarmed
with such bills? It is a fact that money doesn't grow on trees though
banks have branches!! [cue for background laugh]
Undergoing a long and ponderous
thinking session, Billo had come to a decision; she had made up her mind to lead
her life without the use of this obscenely expensive source of energy -
electricity. In implementing the plan she somehow survived, although
the first two months are the hardest! But what after! It couldn't go on forever, the fact that Billo could not beautify herself with her
cosmetics in a ever dark house made her look bare and ugly and no one in
the village was attracted to her anymore!
Initially, for many days, she had
managed to stay away from water so her make up (from the last time just
before getting the power cut) could stay on for as long as possible; but
the summers had come, and brought along in their wake their sweaty woes.
Billo was a hard-worker; and hard work made people perspire. Naturally, the make up was soon all gone!
Her kindly and snoopy neighbors
refused to believe that she was the lass who was once crowned Miss
Village. It became obvious to her, that with the make up gone, her fame
was not long to stay.
Days passed, weeks passed, months
passed. Billo had reconsidered the matter, and come to a new decision -
to sort out her trouble by striking some kind of balance between use of
electricity and its enormous bills. Toying with the many possibilities,
she lodged her self underneath a mango tree, hoping a genius apple, or
actually mango in this case, would fall on her - such that she could eat
and think. Eating and thinking helped as a rule. Always.
Several minutes later, she was
distracted by something flashy her eye caught in a sideways glance. On
paying greater attention, she spotted a sparkling creature from the other side
of the jungle - the forbidden
jungle. After staring at the place
for some more time (read: waste 3-5 minutes in exploiting
cinematographic shots of jungle greens, as inspired by Raavan
) she realized with a start that it was a human with a sparkling body.
It happened at first sight.
She fell for him right there and then, and hard.
She also realized there was a reason for all those love songs. (And yes, that line is so not original).
Basically, she had fallen head over
heels for this shiny excuse of a human. Silently she blushed and took
some coy steps towards him, even as he was staring right back at her with his
hungry eyes; as she imagined they must be behind his black jet glasses.
And then amidst of her fairy tale coming true,
she got a brilliant idea! She could use this sparkling man as a source
of light and never be bothered with the high electricity bills! With
love, and her motive in mind, she showcased herself to that 'creature',
who to her delight was reciprocating all her feelings pretty well.
Consequently, she brought that man to her home
and as soon as they stepped in, the man begun to sparkle with a
brilliance that lit up her dark place in glorious golden glow.
She made way towards her dearest duo
possessions - her make-up kit and her mirror! Together, they made a trio
she was proud of! Caking her face, and coloring her features after such
a long time was a sheer treat! Silently, she thanked her luck for this
man, his boon in her life, and her love for him.
She then asked the man to excuse her for a
minute and scooted off to the kitchen to employ her culinary skills and
impress him further, while also showing her gratitude and affection.
When she was done, she brought them both some lassi, shyly offering a
glass to Kishan (his name - refer to casting credits above) but as soon as he touched the
fancy silver tray (her best, that she polished and brought out specially
for him), she's was struck by a high-wattage electric shock. The tray slipped from her hold; and the glasses full of lassi fell on the
Kishan's metallic jacket, thereby triggering many sparks, as several
fuses went off, and ultimately his entire electric circuit was a wreck,
bringing darkness upon them again, as if in ill-omen.
Billo was rendered unconscious by the severity
of the shock, but before she hit the ground; Kishan caught her around
her slender waist and the golden flames along his collar lit up -
revealing the sight of her extreme beauty (courtesy of course, the
fresh cosmetic touch up!) And even though she wasn't conscious, they
shared a staring scene, with an extra cheesy teen appealing musical
background score. Kishan had a full view of her pale skin for exactly
six minutes and that was when he realized she had been dead. He cursed
himself for going near her and put her down. As her head hit the
spongy sofa, he was seen walking out of her humble abode, washed over in
But no, he was not a betraying lover. In fact, he was a lover on a mission...
Scene changes, and Kishan is seen going to Chandni Chowk to see the full moon, to get his electric energy back. Feeling guilty of her death, he curses himself, repeatedly.
Around the same time, a loser cum village roadside Romeo who goes by the name Jaggu enters Billo's home with a lalten
- seeking some lowly herding job, to make himself some quick cash.
However, he encounters a very still and unmoving form of Billo
abandoned on the sofa - using the flame of his lalten, he gets water for her and sprinkles it over her eyes, till she begins to regain her consciousness.
Yes, apparently, Kishan was too quick to judge. She was never dead.
After she is fully awake, Billo thanks Jaggu from the bottom of her heart and both become friends.
Soon enough, winter comes - but search as she
might, there is no sign of that sparkling man; Billo feels deeply
disappointed, for ever having believed he was her love! While she broods
like a love struck puppy all over the place, chilling winds blow in the
harsh winter month, leaving her cold and shivering and Jaggu, who's a
sheep herder and has a lots of wool, is there for her. Often, he is seen
covering her with a blanket. Due to forthcoming worse winter months,
Jaggu suggests Billo to let him fix a low-voltage Tube-light in her home
along with a low-powered room heater.
This is when Billo realizes, that
Jaggu is her true love and she is unconditionally and irrevocably in
love with him. To her surprise, the same evening Jaggu confesses to
Billo, that he's in love with her and wants to marry her.
So, both of them get married and Billo travels with Jaggu to his khets where everything is deprived of Bijlee and all. Ever after, Billo and Jaggu lead an electricity bill-free and happy life.
We can only expect and imagine a
mixed response to this first time attempt. Still, we can't stress enough
of how much we'd like to hear back your reviews. It would be doubly
awesome if you made suggestions of what foreign movies you would like to
read desi spoofs of in future.
Until the next time... !
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